*tear* NO!!! They can't take this away from me!!! Please, Mr. Bruckheimer, I have so little in my life- at least let me keep my little fake friends with me during the summer! *tear* Okay, calming down...at least it will be in reruns, and CBS announced on Thursday that they were renewing it for another season, which is wonderful and totally deserved, because it really is getting better.
Okay, so I knew it was coming. The season had to end at some point, and it is almost the end of May, but I wasn't ready for it! I'm going to miss them- even Collogen Lips, because she was good for a laugh occasionsly. *sigh* But the season finale really was quite good, except for a little romantic rendezvous that we shall discuss later.
The story, in a nutshell, is that Mac is at his local coffee shop being hit on by some whore when some guy pulls a gun and starts shooting, killing one man and wounding the waitress. Mac decides to stay and help Amy, the waitress, rather than run after the shooter, because he is a kind, caring individual who would never be happy in a relationship with a woman who picks up guys at crime scenes. Amy's okay, but you know that she's got something to do with this because they pay way too much attention to her for just a waitress. Turns out the guy who was shot was wearing a wire, and working with the NYPD to catch somebody. But things went wrong when they saw Mac there, and for some reason the bad guy started shooting instead. I don't know, I was kind of distracted by Stella's cleavage that was being revealed by the minute as she got more and more desperate. But I digress...
Then the shooter was caught, but the Feds let him go, because clearly he had something more important to do for them, but he ended up getting shot anyway. At first they thought that Amy's brother did it, because the gun that killed Bad Guy was registered to him. And he was shifty looking. However, this is tantamount your release papers in CSI world, because clearly the guy who owned the gun could not have used it to kill somebody. That would be too easy. Then they discovered that, in her infinite teenage-girl wisdom, Amy had given the gun to her new boyfriend because she didn't feel safe with it. And New Boyfriend was involved with the shooting, and killed Bad Guy. Obviously, they tied this up much better than I am able to because I was concerned with Mac getting hurt again.
But the fact that an innocent girl was shot in the shoulder and a man was killed was not the most disturbing thing about this episode. No, it was the fact that, while Mac was innocently sitting at the counter drinking his coffee, some woman of questionable occupation comes and sits down next to him and starts flirting. *cough*WHORE!!!*cough* Clearly, she did not realize that his wife died and even if he were going to start dating again (because it has been three and a half years) he will simply marry Stella. Well, I know this, and was yelling it at her quite loudly throughout most of the show. Not that she listened. Thankfully, the shooting happened and interupped.
But then she goes and picks him up at the crime scene!!! How tacky is that???? I mean, the guy is laying there dead, and she's all "I don't usually do this, but if you want to meet for a drink or something...". UGH. And, Mac, just a tip- if she says she doesn't do it that often, chances are she's lying. Anyhoo, Mac actually takes her card!!! I believe this is when the swearing started.
But the really funny part is when Stella realizes that somebody else may have their claws into her last chance to have a baby. All of a sudden, the jacket comes off, and there is more and more cleavage being shown in each scene. In spite of all of this, Mac still decides to go out with this whore...no, Mac, no!!! I was screaming into a pillow by this time- I was that upset.
Ohm and the best part of the episode is the end, when Stella walks into the little CSI place in this backless, legless, practically frontless number that's spray painted on and offers to straighten Mac's tie. Stella maintains she has a date, but Imladris and I feel that she simply went home to cry into her Lean Cuisine or perhaps stalk social services. And Mac isn't even persuaded by this!!! Stella, who is so perfect for him and totally would understand his need to keep the beach ball around, is standing there wearing essentially dark Saran Wrap, and he still wants to meet this woman for a drink. *sob* What is wrong with you, Mac!?!?!?! How is that little hooker going to feel about the beach ball, huh? Do you think this is what Claire would want? NO! She wants you to get with the co-worker whom she knew and loved!! Ugh. *throws up hands*
So Mac is at a bar in a hotel with this chick for all summer. (Insert knife here.)
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Lost, Alias, and how ABC toys with my affections
Ah, yes...that time had come. It was Wednesday night, and I was all prepared to say goodbye to my little friends on the island and in the CIA. Mainly, because ABC had been running commericals all week proclaiming "The season finales of Lost and Alias- this Wednesday", and stupidly, I believed them.
I should know better than to do this. ABC has always had it in for me, starting with canceling Boston Legal for the rest of the season in favor of Grey's Anatomy which, while being a somewhat interesting show, has got to realize that we don't want to see our surgical interns acting like twelve-year-olds. I love my little brother dearly, but I don't want his peers operating on me!!! Anyhoo, they took that knife and twisted it last week when they announce that 8 Simple Rules was canceled. Now, I know it was hardly intelligent comedy, but really, what else did they have to put on on Friday nights?? Less than Perfect got to come back, and that didn't??? Even David Spade alone is funnier than half the cast of Less than Perfect. Grr. Let's just say the alphabet network and I have very rarely gotten along.
So I settle down to watch Lost. And it seems to be moving quite slowly. Frenchie comes back and goes all crazy and starts loading guns. Oh, and we learn who Alex is. Apparently, Frenchie was seven months pregnant when she crashed on the island (why do all these women travel so late in pregnancy?? Don't they know that's not great???), and gave birth to a little girl, Alex. But then a week later, Frenchie claims that "the black smoke came", which prompted my sister and I to remark "So there's no Pope?", and then the Others came and took Alex away from Frenchie.
Of course, this could have been the island chaptero f social services, because Frenchie is quite crazy (as evidenced by the machine gun she's holidng in her hands...freaky). Most of the smart castaways pretty much just roll their eyes and go "Okay, sure hon," but then the black smoke comes. Seriously, there's a big pillar of smoke coming from the center of the island. So they (???) follow it and discover that the black rock that we've been hearing about all season is actually a ship. What? Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.
Yeah, um, other than that, nothing much happens. Shannon looks moody, but perfectly coiffed. I want to see these perfectly put together girls start getting desperate and try to fashion tampons out of bamboo leaves. That w0uld be reality. Oh, and the group leaves on the raft. Big whup.
So I'm sitting there thinking, "Well, this really didn't clear anything up, except now I'm wondering about the black smoke. This kind of sucks as a finale," when (what do you know?) there's a commericial for next week's season finale of Lost. WHAT???? I just got worked up over nothing??? Grrr.
On to the next viewing choice of the evening, Alias. This one I was pretty convinced actually was the finale, because it was two hours, and again, ABC had been touting it as such for the past week. But no. This wasn't the real one either!!! I have to wait until next week (when they only give me an hour) to figure out what happens with the Rambaldi device and whether or not the world will end!!!! ARGH!!!
Just a couple of little details- Irina's alive, they found her cowering in a hold somewhere in Russia. Jack is still glowing, but now he's researching the Chernobyl incident and trying to figure out how to stop glowing. Irina hits Jack for trying to kill her, even though she's quite clearly alive. And she meets Nadia for the first time since giving birth. Awww...how sweet. I still can't figure that out, because she and Sydney look like they're exactly the same age. Oh, and Irina's sister Elena (Irina and Elena---haven't these people ever heard of normal names that don't sound exactly alike? What about Rachel? That's good, and doesn't sound like the rest of them!!) let loose the Rambaldi device and now the world is speeding towards armeggedon. But Vaughn proposed, which was so cute and so sweet and would have been perfect if it hadn't been on an army fighter jet.
So what did we learn this week? Don't trust ABC, it's come back to haunt you.
I should know better than to do this. ABC has always had it in for me, starting with canceling Boston Legal for the rest of the season in favor of Grey's Anatomy which, while being a somewhat interesting show, has got to realize that we don't want to see our surgical interns acting like twelve-year-olds. I love my little brother dearly, but I don't want his peers operating on me!!! Anyhoo, they took that knife and twisted it last week when they announce that 8 Simple Rules was canceled. Now, I know it was hardly intelligent comedy, but really, what else did they have to put on on Friday nights?? Less than Perfect got to come back, and that didn't??? Even David Spade alone is funnier than half the cast of Less than Perfect. Grr. Let's just say the alphabet network and I have very rarely gotten along.
So I settle down to watch Lost. And it seems to be moving quite slowly. Frenchie comes back and goes all crazy and starts loading guns. Oh, and we learn who Alex is. Apparently, Frenchie was seven months pregnant when she crashed on the island (why do all these women travel so late in pregnancy?? Don't they know that's not great???), and gave birth to a little girl, Alex. But then a week later, Frenchie claims that "the black smoke came", which prompted my sister and I to remark "So there's no Pope?", and then the Others came and took Alex away from Frenchie.
Of course, this could have been the island chaptero f social services, because Frenchie is quite crazy (as evidenced by the machine gun she's holidng in her hands...freaky). Most of the smart castaways pretty much just roll their eyes and go "Okay, sure hon," but then the black smoke comes. Seriously, there's a big pillar of smoke coming from the center of the island. So they (???) follow it and discover that the black rock that we've been hearing about all season is actually a ship. What? Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.
Yeah, um, other than that, nothing much happens. Shannon looks moody, but perfectly coiffed. I want to see these perfectly put together girls start getting desperate and try to fashion tampons out of bamboo leaves. That w0uld be reality. Oh, and the group leaves on the raft. Big whup.
So I'm sitting there thinking, "Well, this really didn't clear anything up, except now I'm wondering about the black smoke. This kind of sucks as a finale," when (what do you know?) there's a commericial for next week's season finale of Lost. WHAT???? I just got worked up over nothing??? Grrr.
On to the next viewing choice of the evening, Alias. This one I was pretty convinced actually was the finale, because it was two hours, and again, ABC had been touting it as such for the past week. But no. This wasn't the real one either!!! I have to wait until next week (when they only give me an hour) to figure out what happens with the Rambaldi device and whether or not the world will end!!!! ARGH!!!
Just a couple of little details- Irina's alive, they found her cowering in a hold somewhere in Russia. Jack is still glowing, but now he's researching the Chernobyl incident and trying to figure out how to stop glowing. Irina hits Jack for trying to kill her, even though she's quite clearly alive. And she meets Nadia for the first time since giving birth. Awww...how sweet. I still can't figure that out, because she and Sydney look like they're exactly the same age. Oh, and Irina's sister Elena (Irina and Elena---haven't these people ever heard of normal names that don't sound exactly alike? What about Rachel? That's good, and doesn't sound like the rest of them!!) let loose the Rambaldi device and now the world is speeding towards armeggedon. But Vaughn proposed, which was so cute and so sweet and would have been perfect if it hadn't been on an army fighter jet.
So what did we learn this week? Don't trust ABC, it's come back to haunt you.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Signs of the Apocolypse...
Okay, I have a confession to make. In a weak moment comprised of the fact that TBS was running Sex and the City instead of Friends reruns, and ABC was having their stupid "super-sized" episodes so Geoge Lopez wasn't off yet (FYI, Carmen's pregnant and engaged.), and that I thought it would be fun to write about in here, I watched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic on UPN last night. It was like a train wreck or perhaps Mr. Personality, you know there is no way that this oculd end prettily, without mass carnage, but you just couldn't tear your eyes away.
Well, that's not entirely true. I managed after ten or twelve minutes. It got disgusting. Especially when you thought about the fact that at this point, the white-trash guy on the other end of that damn camcorder may or may not have told his pregnant girlfriend that he was going to be a little bit late that night because he was roaming around London with a whore...sorry, Britney. Now, I don't approve of having children before marriage, but that woman still deserved some respect.
Anyhoo, it wasn't just the content matter that was disgusting, or the overwhelming stupidity that both Britney and Kevin brought to the screen (You wanted to just ask them, "Do you read? At all? Anything?"), it was the actual format of the show. Just the changing hair color that Britney sported was enough to make me feel nauseous, but the worst was the way it was shot. We've all knew (or at least me, who spends over a hundred dollars on entertainment magazines a year...I'm so weird...) that this was primarily composed of home videos that the happy couple themselves shot. What they failed to mention is that both of them absolutely SUCK as camera-people. I'm serious, I got cross-eyed and dizzy after a couple of minutes. That damn camera would not say steady- or focused. I'm still a little motion sick, and it's been thirteen hours.
And then they would cut up those fantastic videos with "Entirely New Exclusive Interviews"! Oh joy. At least it gave my eyes a rest, because the UPN person could keep the camera from moving, but what came out of their mouths was almost as nauseating. "Oh my gosh, baby, I love you so much," Britney expounds during one segment in that sickeningly Southern accent that I swear has gotten heavier since her "Oops I Did It Again" days. Why? He's ugly, and a scumbag, and looks like he smells!! And you had to buy your own friggin' engagment ring!!! How could you love that???? Ugh. Oooh, and she makes sure that we all know she's really shy in her personal life. Uh-huh. That really comes across when you're dancing in that dominatix outfit you sport so willingly every night during your concert. Stupidity disgusts me.
In the commercial, Britney asks "Can you handle my truth?" Well, if it means lying around a hotel room with a completely class-less scumbag who left his girlfriend and daughters to live off of your money and doing not much of anything except run around in track suits that cost enough to give several third-world children food for six months, then I guess the answer is no. Sorry. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. I just hope that baby they're having doesn't take after it's parents, because that would be a real shame.
Well, that's not entirely true. I managed after ten or twelve minutes. It got disgusting. Especially when you thought about the fact that at this point, the white-trash guy on the other end of that damn camcorder may or may not have told his pregnant girlfriend that he was going to be a little bit late that night because he was roaming around London with a whore...sorry, Britney. Now, I don't approve of having children before marriage, but that woman still deserved some respect.
Anyhoo, it wasn't just the content matter that was disgusting, or the overwhelming stupidity that both Britney and Kevin brought to the screen (You wanted to just ask them, "Do you read? At all? Anything?"), it was the actual format of the show. Just the changing hair color that Britney sported was enough to make me feel nauseous, but the worst was the way it was shot. We've all knew (or at least me, who spends over a hundred dollars on entertainment magazines a year...I'm so weird...) that this was primarily composed of home videos that the happy couple themselves shot. What they failed to mention is that both of them absolutely SUCK as camera-people. I'm serious, I got cross-eyed and dizzy after a couple of minutes. That damn camera would not say steady- or focused. I'm still a little motion sick, and it's been thirteen hours.
And then they would cut up those fantastic videos with "Entirely New Exclusive Interviews"! Oh joy. At least it gave my eyes a rest, because the UPN person could keep the camera from moving, but what came out of their mouths was almost as nauseating. "Oh my gosh, baby, I love you so much," Britney expounds during one segment in that sickeningly Southern accent that I swear has gotten heavier since her "Oops I Did It Again" days. Why? He's ugly, and a scumbag, and looks like he smells!! And you had to buy your own friggin' engagment ring!!! How could you love that???? Ugh. Oooh, and she makes sure that we all know she's really shy in her personal life. Uh-huh. That really comes across when you're dancing in that dominatix outfit you sport so willingly every night during your concert. Stupidity disgusts me.
In the commercial, Britney asks "Can you handle my truth?" Well, if it means lying around a hotel room with a completely class-less scumbag who left his girlfriend and daughters to live off of your money and doing not much of anything except run around in track suits that cost enough to give several third-world children food for six months, then I guess the answer is no. Sorry. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. I just hope that baby they're having doesn't take after it's parents, because that would be a real shame.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Alias- Killer Bees
Okay, this episode wasn't really about killer bees. That was just the first part and the only title I could think of , except perhaps "Writers had better stop putting in so many "tender" father/daughter sister/sister scenes or I'm going to throw up". I thought that would be nasty. Ooooh, and I have some news, from the venerable source TV Guide...
*SPOILER ALERT*
Okay, Lena Olin has definately been rehired. For those of you know don't know, Lena Olin plays Irina Derevkov, Sydney's Russian (what else?) mom who was bumped off by Daddy at the end of last season. She also had an affair with Sloane (the real one) and gave birth to Nadia, which leads me to constantly marvel on how one woman can have two such perfect looking daughters. 'Cause, really, I love Jack to death, but hardly fantastic genetic material, and Sloane? *gag*
Anyhoodles, she's not just back in flashbacks!!! She's still alive, which means Jack didn't off her, and therefore Sydney can stop being so awkward with him! Yay!
And Vaughn is going to propose!! Probably right before that freaky-ass Rambaldi armegeddon or something, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no?
*END SPOILER ALERT*
Alright, this was a really long, complicated episode with a lot of names that ended in -ov, and I really don't remember all those, so we're just going to summerize. It opened with Sloane Clone at some freaky monestary where all the monks were playing with bees. I guess they got tired of translating from Latin. Anyhoo, S.C. apparenlty knows the head priest at them monestary, who, in what is apparently an attempt to be modern, wears a black t-shirt instead of the Roman collar. I guess when you're raising killer bees to breed a super-race or something equally as implausible, tradition doesn't mean so much. Whatever. Well, this guy, Father Whats-His-Name (I'm pretty sure it ended in -ov, though), won't give S.C. what he wants. As we all know from the unfortunate belt-sander incident a couple of weeks ago, S.C. is not going to take this information lying down. Instead, he releases something into the air that causes all the bees (who were perfectly harmless before) to go all crazy and kill all the monks. Then S.C. shoots Father Whats-His-Name.
Honestly, that that's as much as I remember. Watch the season finale!!!
*SPOILER ALERT*
Okay, Lena Olin has definately been rehired. For those of you know don't know, Lena Olin plays Irina Derevkov, Sydney's Russian (what else?) mom who was bumped off by Daddy at the end of last season. She also had an affair with Sloane (the real one) and gave birth to Nadia, which leads me to constantly marvel on how one woman can have two such perfect looking daughters. 'Cause, really, I love Jack to death, but hardly fantastic genetic material, and Sloane? *gag*
Anyhoodles, she's not just back in flashbacks!!! She's still alive, which means Jack didn't off her, and therefore Sydney can stop being so awkward with him! Yay!
And Vaughn is going to propose!! Probably right before that freaky-ass Rambaldi armegeddon or something, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no?
*END SPOILER ALERT*
Alright, this was a really long, complicated episode with a lot of names that ended in -ov, and I really don't remember all those, so we're just going to summerize. It opened with Sloane Clone at some freaky monestary where all the monks were playing with bees. I guess they got tired of translating from Latin. Anyhoo, S.C. apparenlty knows the head priest at them monestary, who, in what is apparently an attempt to be modern, wears a black t-shirt instead of the Roman collar. I guess when you're raising killer bees to breed a super-race or something equally as implausible, tradition doesn't mean so much. Whatever. Well, this guy, Father Whats-His-Name (I'm pretty sure it ended in -ov, though), won't give S.C. what he wants. As we all know from the unfortunate belt-sander incident a couple of weeks ago, S.C. is not going to take this information lying down. Instead, he releases something into the air that causes all the bees (who were perfectly harmless before) to go all crazy and kill all the monks. Then S.C. shoots Father Whats-His-Name.
Honestly, that that's as much as I remember. Watch the season finale!!!
Lost- Hitchcock for the 21st Century
Okay, is anybody else feeling like this is kind of morphing into one long Hitchcock movie? I mean, the beginning is very "Charade"-like, and then the part with Kate showering in the beginning and the spooky music and the fact that she was a blond was kind of "Psycho"-ish. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because I love Hitchcock, it's just kind of different.
And then we have the bad '50s horror movies on the other half of the island. You know, Claire thinking her baby is the Spawn of Satan or whatever, and the glowing hatch that "Maybe wasn't meant to be opened from the outside." Well, Mr. Iraqi-Operative-Who-Killed-His-Best-Friend, where the hell else are you supposed to open it from??? Trust me, ABC needs this hit so badly that they're not going to have Martians coming out of it.
So just to briefly summerize the episode, Claire has gotten remarkably thin after being pregnant for like a year, and Charlie is presumably still taking care of the baby because we don't see it the whole episode. See? Even in the tropics, children can disappear on TV shows!!! My personal favorite of this nature is still baby Emma on Friends, who showed up in like three episodes, despite the fact that they never made any reference to who was taking care of her. Kate is getting desperate to get on that raft, because obviously if people come back to rescue them, they'll realize that Kate is wanted and then arrest her. Not good. So Kate figures if she just gets on that raft and then disappears once they hit land, she'll be fine. Sounds like a reasonable plan. Except that Sawyer has the last seat on the raft, and there is no way in hell he's giving it up. Uh-huh. On the other side of the island, Jack and Sayid and Locke are investigating the glowing hatch and Virgin Mary dolls filled with herion. Freaky. This is when Sayid comes out with his brilliant aformentioned comment about opening it. *rolls eyes* And what the hell made them all such good friends??? I mean, Jack was ready to kill Locke last week (although it was rather tasteless of him to show up still in his shirt drenched in Boone-blood), and Sayid has pretty much done nothing but Shannon for the last couple of weeks.
So this was kind of a tie it all up episode, where everybody finally learns that Kate was with the marshall, and that the little boy burned the raft, and that Sun is trying to poison her husband, which kind of makes it tedious for the audience because we knew all this (except the poisoning thing) before. But whatever.
We do get another flashback episode of Kate's, which is like three more than the rest of the cast has had. What about Jack?? Is he still married? Is he looking? What does he like in a woman? Okay, moving on... Anyway, we learn that Kate's mom had cancer, and Kate must have done something God-awful because when she goes to see Cancerous Mom, Cancerous Mom flips out and calls the doctor. I guess Kate doesn't like that, because she knocks the doctor out and ends up running from the police. Some how she ends up with her old childhood boyfriend, who is now married and has a little boy. For some inexplicable reason, they go and dig up their old time capsule, which contains (!!!) the little plane figure!!!! *gasp* And then Old Boyfriend gets shot when the police that Kate is running from miss her and kill him instead. So, in the space of about twenty minutes, Kate has met her old-but-now-married boyfriend, destroyed his life, kissed him, dug up an old box, terrorized her dying mother, and killed said old boyfriend. Boy, that girl can move!!!
So yeah, I'm still totally into this show, but it seems like it's getting kind of strange. And we do need to learn more about the other characters, although we were introduced to another one this week (weather guy). But at least we all know where that little plane came from, because let me tell you, that was bugging me!!
And then we have the bad '50s horror movies on the other half of the island. You know, Claire thinking her baby is the Spawn of Satan or whatever, and the glowing hatch that "Maybe wasn't meant to be opened from the outside." Well, Mr. Iraqi-Operative-Who-Killed-His-Best-Friend, where the hell else are you supposed to open it from??? Trust me, ABC needs this hit so badly that they're not going to have Martians coming out of it.
So just to briefly summerize the episode, Claire has gotten remarkably thin after being pregnant for like a year, and Charlie is presumably still taking care of the baby because we don't see it the whole episode. See? Even in the tropics, children can disappear on TV shows!!! My personal favorite of this nature is still baby Emma on Friends, who showed up in like three episodes, despite the fact that they never made any reference to who was taking care of her. Kate is getting desperate to get on that raft, because obviously if people come back to rescue them, they'll realize that Kate is wanted and then arrest her. Not good. So Kate figures if she just gets on that raft and then disappears once they hit land, she'll be fine. Sounds like a reasonable plan. Except that Sawyer has the last seat on the raft, and there is no way in hell he's giving it up. Uh-huh. On the other side of the island, Jack and Sayid and Locke are investigating the glowing hatch and Virgin Mary dolls filled with herion. Freaky. This is when Sayid comes out with his brilliant aformentioned comment about opening it. *rolls eyes* And what the hell made them all such good friends??? I mean, Jack was ready to kill Locke last week (although it was rather tasteless of him to show up still in his shirt drenched in Boone-blood), and Sayid has pretty much done nothing but Shannon for the last couple of weeks.
So this was kind of a tie it all up episode, where everybody finally learns that Kate was with the marshall, and that the little boy burned the raft, and that Sun is trying to poison her husband, which kind of makes it tedious for the audience because we knew all this (except the poisoning thing) before. But whatever.
We do get another flashback episode of Kate's, which is like three more than the rest of the cast has had. What about Jack?? Is he still married? Is he looking? What does he like in a woman? Okay, moving on... Anyway, we learn that Kate's mom had cancer, and Kate must have done something God-awful because when she goes to see Cancerous Mom, Cancerous Mom flips out and calls the doctor. I guess Kate doesn't like that, because she knocks the doctor out and ends up running from the police. Some how she ends up with her old childhood boyfriend, who is now married and has a little boy. For some inexplicable reason, they go and dig up their old time capsule, which contains (!!!) the little plane figure!!!! *gasp* And then Old Boyfriend gets shot when the police that Kate is running from miss her and kill him instead. So, in the space of about twenty minutes, Kate has met her old-but-now-married boyfriend, destroyed his life, kissed him, dug up an old box, terrorized her dying mother, and killed said old boyfriend. Boy, that girl can move!!!
So yeah, I'm still totally into this show, but it seems like it's getting kind of strange. And we do need to learn more about the other characters, although we were introduced to another one this week (weather guy). But at least we all know where that little plane came from, because let me tell you, that was bugging me!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
CSI: Miami- Reunion from Hell
Well, this week found the Miami-Dade CSI team with a plethora to attend to. First, somebody ends up dead at their high school reunion. Then, Horatio finds out some information about his "dead" brother. Meanwhile, Calleigh is experimenting with lip liner and Ryan is slowly morphing into Don Johnson circa "Miami Vice". Only one of those last two was successful. I'll give you a hint- it didn't involve a white jacket. Apparently he's moved on from being nasty to the other CSI's and now wants to make the audience suffer. What happened to the tasteful sweater vests he sported so adorably in the beginning of the season???
Anyway, there were, as usual, two crimes.
1.) High school star is found dead on the floor of a bathroom.
2.) Undercover cop that Horatio ran into a few weeks ago is now dead and somebody has processed the scene.
In the first crime, we see this guy who still spends way on his hair primping in the mens room at a reunion. And then we see somebody brain him with a champagne bottle. He falls to the ground, even though the bottle only hit him once, and didn't really seem to be that serious. I guess he had to be dead, though.
Within minutes, all the little CSI's flood the scene. Alexx, being the perceptive one in the group, states upon seeing the large welt that really could not have come from a single blow by a bottle that didn't even break, that "He died of blunt force trauma." No kidding. I hate it when they oversimplfy things. Only then to they check his name tag (with a name on it that I forgot so we'll just call him the Man Slut) and realize that he was quite the thing in high school. You know, the whole quarterback, student body president, yada yada yada. We got it, he was popular. I can't believe that I forgot the little bon mot that Horatio got in before the credits, because it was really good. Can you help me out with this one, Imladris?
Back from commericals, Ryan and Calleigh go talk to Man Slut's wife, Jennie. Guess what? In a totally un-CSI-like turn (because, you know, they never have pretty, popular people on :p), Jennie was also head cheerleader! Isn't that cute? Quarterback and head cheerleader together after all these years! Awww... Until Ryan has to break the news that Man Slut has a "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" or something. Jennie, who knows way too much about the layers of the human epidermis for somebody in a dress that looks like hers, immediately asks "A hickey?" Hehehehe...now, depite having the muscle layers down, Jennie's not smart enough to save face and say she gave it to him, she has to flip out and yell about how he was a man slut...hence the name.
So the CSI's jump to interrogating the one unattractive person there, and even she has a good body. (Side note: I don't know why I watch this show. It's depressing.) Apparently, she was Man Slut's little plaything in high school, and "just wanted to get that feeling back".
Oh, gag me. What kind of feeling do way-too-impressed-with-themselves high school guys give you? That Awkward where-do-I-put-my-nose feeling? I don't want that now- much less in fifteen years when you're all supposed to have moved on. And a BATHROOM??? Come on, at least get a room, its a friggin hotel for goodness sakes!!!
Well, Man Slut apparently hasn't changed in the fifteen years since high school, and only wanted Unattractive Girl for one thing---and Unattractive Girl has apparently gained a smidgen of self respect (although not much judging from the dress) and dumps him. Well, it's only twenty after by the time she admits this. She had motive, opportunity, and admitted to holding the murder weapon.
Of course, this means she's not guilty.
Meanwhile, back in the lab, they find sand crystals on the bottle of champagne, which they trace to the Bahamas. Conveniently, Calleigh and Don...sorry, Ryan, remember reading in the yearbooks that the senior class trip was to the Bahamas.
Author's Note: What kind of high school is this? They get to go to the Bahamas??? Every high school I know goes to a Six Flags or something. See, everybody is rich on CSI, too!!!
So Calleigh and Ryan end up back at the hotel trying to question Krystal, who hasn't realized that she's not seventeen anymore and should probably be concerned with something other than high school. While they're trying to corner Krystal, they run into this creepy insurance guy who crashes reunions and sells life insurance to desperate drunk ex-cheerleaders. While carrying around a creepy mortality clock. Well, Insurance Guy tells Calleigh that he sold Jennie a million dollar life insurance policy for Man Slut the nigh before.
The suspect list so far...
1.) Jennie- motive, opportunity, and a million reasons to want him dead: Not Guilty
2.) Unattractive Girl- motive, opportunity, and a murder weapon: Not Guilty
3.) Other Guy who was pissed at Man Slut for ruining the grading curve (I forgot where he came in, but thought I should mention him)- motive, opportunity, and again, he held the murder weapon: Not Guilty
Now, in the real world, all three of these people would be in custody awaitng trial. But not in CSI world!!! No- something about Insurance Guy sets them off. Turns out he did atend school at whatever school this was, but only for a year.
Yeah, it takes about three second with H for the whole story to come pouring out. Insurance Guy, who's name is actually Danny, was a little wimp, so Man Slut tied him up with duct tape, gagged him, and left him in the gym locker over night. Not nice. Apparently, duct tape burns, so Danny now has skin grafts and one hell of a grudge against Man Slut. So he went to the reunion, confronted Man Slut in the bathroom, and got royally pissed off when Man Slut didn't remember what he did to him.
Now, I know this probably wasn't the first thing of the sort Man Slut did, but don't you think you'd remember if you deprived a kid of oxygen for fourteen hours? And wouldn't he have ben suspended and, oh, arrested when Danny finally was untied and told them who did it???
Well, Danny doesn't take kindly to not being remember, and goes beserk and kills Man Slut with the bottle of champagne that Unattractive Girl left after giving Man Slut the "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" - which I just love to say!!! This allows Calleigh to look at the mortality clock he's still dragging around and say "It counts down the number of seconds left in someone's life...or their life sentence." Ooh- nice one, Calleigh!! You've been talking to H, haven't you???
The other crime I totally don't get. It's all very dark, Alias-like, with a scary guy trying to get Horatio to stop asking questions. As the little summery state, the undercover cop ended up dead. But somebody has already processed the scene. When Horatio and the gang pulled in a drug guy for quesitoning, the feds busted into the room and took him away in custody. Huh? I don't know what the hell is going on, except Horatio tells Yelena (who's accent has decreased since last week...) that it's possible Ray is still alive. Damn. Now this just complicates things, because obviously Horatio and Yelena are meant to be together!!!!! ARGH!!! They never listen!!!!!
Anyway, there were, as usual, two crimes.
1.) High school star is found dead on the floor of a bathroom.
2.) Undercover cop that Horatio ran into a few weeks ago is now dead and somebody has processed the scene.
In the first crime, we see this guy who still spends way on his hair primping in the mens room at a reunion. And then we see somebody brain him with a champagne bottle. He falls to the ground, even though the bottle only hit him once, and didn't really seem to be that serious. I guess he had to be dead, though.
Within minutes, all the little CSI's flood the scene. Alexx, being the perceptive one in the group, states upon seeing the large welt that really could not have come from a single blow by a bottle that didn't even break, that "He died of blunt force trauma." No kidding. I hate it when they oversimplfy things. Only then to they check his name tag (with a name on it that I forgot so we'll just call him the Man Slut) and realize that he was quite the thing in high school. You know, the whole quarterback, student body president, yada yada yada. We got it, he was popular. I can't believe that I forgot the little bon mot that Horatio got in before the credits, because it was really good. Can you help me out with this one, Imladris?
Back from commericals, Ryan and Calleigh go talk to Man Slut's wife, Jennie. Guess what? In a totally un-CSI-like turn (because, you know, they never have pretty, popular people on :p), Jennie was also head cheerleader! Isn't that cute? Quarterback and head cheerleader together after all these years! Awww... Until Ryan has to break the news that Man Slut has a "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" or something. Jennie, who knows way too much about the layers of the human epidermis for somebody in a dress that looks like hers, immediately asks "A hickey?" Hehehehe...now, depite having the muscle layers down, Jennie's not smart enough to save face and say she gave it to him, she has to flip out and yell about how he was a man slut...hence the name.
So the CSI's jump to interrogating the one unattractive person there, and even she has a good body. (Side note: I don't know why I watch this show. It's depressing.) Apparently, she was Man Slut's little plaything in high school, and "just wanted to get that feeling back".
Oh, gag me. What kind of feeling do way-too-impressed-with-themselves high school guys give you? That Awkward where-do-I-put-my-nose feeling? I don't want that now- much less in fifteen years when you're all supposed to have moved on. And a BATHROOM??? Come on, at least get a room, its a friggin hotel for goodness sakes!!!
Well, Man Slut apparently hasn't changed in the fifteen years since high school, and only wanted Unattractive Girl for one thing---and Unattractive Girl has apparently gained a smidgen of self respect (although not much judging from the dress) and dumps him. Well, it's only twenty after by the time she admits this. She had motive, opportunity, and admitted to holding the murder weapon.
Of course, this means she's not guilty.
Meanwhile, back in the lab, they find sand crystals on the bottle of champagne, which they trace to the Bahamas. Conveniently, Calleigh and Don...sorry, Ryan, remember reading in the yearbooks that the senior class trip was to the Bahamas.
Author's Note: What kind of high school is this? They get to go to the Bahamas??? Every high school I know goes to a Six Flags or something. See, everybody is rich on CSI, too!!!
So Calleigh and Ryan end up back at the hotel trying to question Krystal, who hasn't realized that she's not seventeen anymore and should probably be concerned with something other than high school. While they're trying to corner Krystal, they run into this creepy insurance guy who crashes reunions and sells life insurance to desperate drunk ex-cheerleaders. While carrying around a creepy mortality clock. Well, Insurance Guy tells Calleigh that he sold Jennie a million dollar life insurance policy for Man Slut the nigh before.
The suspect list so far...
1.) Jennie- motive, opportunity, and a million reasons to want him dead: Not Guilty
2.) Unattractive Girl- motive, opportunity, and a murder weapon: Not Guilty
3.) Other Guy who was pissed at Man Slut for ruining the grading curve (I forgot where he came in, but thought I should mention him)- motive, opportunity, and again, he held the murder weapon: Not Guilty
Now, in the real world, all three of these people would be in custody awaitng trial. But not in CSI world!!! No- something about Insurance Guy sets them off. Turns out he did atend school at whatever school this was, but only for a year.
Yeah, it takes about three second with H for the whole story to come pouring out. Insurance Guy, who's name is actually Danny, was a little wimp, so Man Slut tied him up with duct tape, gagged him, and left him in the gym locker over night. Not nice. Apparently, duct tape burns, so Danny now has skin grafts and one hell of a grudge against Man Slut. So he went to the reunion, confronted Man Slut in the bathroom, and got royally pissed off when Man Slut didn't remember what he did to him.
Now, I know this probably wasn't the first thing of the sort Man Slut did, but don't you think you'd remember if you deprived a kid of oxygen for fourteen hours? And wouldn't he have ben suspended and, oh, arrested when Danny finally was untied and told them who did it???
Well, Danny doesn't take kindly to not being remember, and goes beserk and kills Man Slut with the bottle of champagne that Unattractive Girl left after giving Man Slut the "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" - which I just love to say!!! This allows Calleigh to look at the mortality clock he's still dragging around and say "It counts down the number of seconds left in someone's life...or their life sentence." Ooh- nice one, Calleigh!! You've been talking to H, haven't you???
The other crime I totally don't get. It's all very dark, Alias-like, with a scary guy trying to get Horatio to stop asking questions. As the little summery state, the undercover cop ended up dead. But somebody has already processed the scene. When Horatio and the gang pulled in a drug guy for quesitoning, the feds busted into the room and took him away in custody. Huh? I don't know what the hell is going on, except Horatio tells Yelena (who's accent has decreased since last week...) that it's possible Ray is still alive. Damn. Now this just complicates things, because obviously Horatio and Yelena are meant to be together!!!!! ARGH!!! They never listen!!!!!
CSI:NY- Reflections on Flack
I actually had this entire review written out and finished and then blogger.com decided to have some maintenence time. Bugger. So I lost everything. As a result, I think this might be somewhat shorter, because I also want to finish the CSI: Miami entry from a couple of weeks ago, and also do one from last night. So, with that in mind, on with the show...
This was a very complicated episode. There were two story lines, but the first one is the biggest and probably has the most repercussions for the rest of the season, so I'll start with this one. Danny and some other guy were in an apartment or something, and then Danny ended up chasing the guy to the subway before shooting and killing the guy. Except the guy that ends up dead turns out to be a cop. Oooh. Right there you know there's going to be issues.
Author's Note: I missed the first five minutes due to the fact that i was watching Alias. ABC really needs to learn to keep their shows ending on time. So I kind of just pieced together the beginning. I am sure that they were in a subway, and that the cop was dead. Anyhoodle...
So of course, the IAB (Internal Affairs Bureau) just has to get involved. And of course, the IAB guys are big and scary and clearly corrupt. And, of course, Danny has to go shooting off his mouth and tell the IAB guys everything, despite the fact that Mac so clearly and fatherly warned him to just stay quiet for awhile, because he didn't actually have to give a statement for thirty-six hours or some arbitrary rule or something.
Danny, why do you do this??? Come on, man- you've got mob ties and a shifty beard and then you go tell the IAB stuff that would just be better left unsaid. Listen to Mac!! He was a Marine, dammit, and was looking out for you, and is clearly smarter because he doesn't spend his entire work day flirting with Aiden, thank God, because that would just be weird, and was just looking out for your best interest!!! So just listen to Mac and SHUT UP already!!!! Because if you get fired, the writers are going to have to have Flack drool over Collegan Lips to give the public the romance they're all clamoring for (or they think they're clamoring for) and that would devestate me. Sheesh.
Back to our story, Danny maintains (while giving an unauthorized-by-Mac statement to the IAB...idiot) that the cop, who was undercover, never identified himself, and was standing right where the bad guy was, so he was almost justified in shooting him. Well, the CSI's go back to their handy little audio tape (because, really, every crime is caught on tape, right?), and find out that Danny isn't telling the right story. The officer did identify himself, right before Danny fired the last two fatal shots. Bummer. Of course, Danny has already opened up that big piehole of his, so the IAB has him down as a liar. Big bummer.
Yeah, this story doesn't actually get resolved, because Danny really did kill the guy, and he's going to have to live with that. It ends with a pissed-off Mac telling a dejected-looking Danny that he really shouldn't have hired him in the first place, and that he was off the promotion list, which doesn't seem quite so bad to me, unless Danny to aspires to pull down the 98k that Stella and Mac do. Which I totally would want if I had to deal with blood and gore all day. Anyway, I think this was part of their attempt to bring the stories around to more character-driven stories as oppsed to neat little crimes that are tied up in forty-six minutes.
The other crime was pretty small- a foreign, probably illegal, nanny was found dead in a bathroom in a park. (See, never use public bathrooms!!!) Stella has to work this one alone, because everybody else is combing the entire subway system trying to clear Danny while he's off giving imprudent interviews. It actually gets wrapped up pretty quickly- the nanny's other nanny friends created a little theft ring and when Dead Nanny wanted out, Indian Nanny killed her. Which is rather implausible, because Indian Nanny was like shorter than me (and that's hard to do), and weighed ninety five pounds and how she could take down a five-eight normal-sized (well, for CSI anyway- she was probably a four or something obscene like that. Hate skinny people.) woman I don't really understand. But that's not really the issue.
Continuing with the whole "CSI's are real people" theory, Stella has to take the baby that Dead Nanny was caring for and make sure she's okay. Well, this is the most adorable little baby girl you've ever seen. Even cuter than the one on CSI: Miami a couple of weeks ago. And it has loser parents who haven't shown up yet, which is pretty much par for the course as far as CSI goes- all the parents are losers.
And while Stella is examining the baby, Daniella, you can practically hear her biological clock ticking. In fact, I'm guessing that she left social services, went back to her apartment, and cried over her Lean Cuisine about how she and Mac should have several kids by now.
See? Stella and Mac have got to get together!!! Stella is clearly has maternal instincts, because she practically smuggled poor little abandoned Daniella out of social services, and Mac needs something more than a beachball to love, and WHY DON'T THSE CSI WOMEN EVER LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL THEM WHO THEY SHOULD BE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????????? Grrr. This is what the public wants, not Danny and Aiden trading cute little bondage jokes over dinner. Bruckheimer had better clear this up or I'll have to retract my offer to give him my first born. Argh.
Anyhoo, I simply must say something about Flack in this episode (hence the title). He was superb. And he tackles a guy. Like against a wall. In a hot trench coat. With that cute little Brooklyn accent. *thud* Is it hot in here??? You know, they really need to give him more airtime. Maybe with Danny "off the promotion list" or whatever, that'll happen finally!!! In fact, I think we should just have a CSI: Flack. Hmm? He could just tackle guys and interrogate rapists (like that really hot Christmas episode that I still have on tape...I'm odd...)...oooh, maybe he could be sensitive like Ryan and Stella and take care on a little abandoned baby!!! That would be sweet!!!! I'm going to go have happy fantasies in my head... ;)
New episodes of all my shows tonight, so I'll there will be a ton of stuff up today and tomorrow!!!
This was a very complicated episode. There were two story lines, but the first one is the biggest and probably has the most repercussions for the rest of the season, so I'll start with this one. Danny and some other guy were in an apartment or something, and then Danny ended up chasing the guy to the subway before shooting and killing the guy. Except the guy that ends up dead turns out to be a cop. Oooh. Right there you know there's going to be issues.
Author's Note: I missed the first five minutes due to the fact that i was watching Alias. ABC really needs to learn to keep their shows ending on time. So I kind of just pieced together the beginning. I am sure that they were in a subway, and that the cop was dead. Anyhoodle...
So of course, the IAB (Internal Affairs Bureau) just has to get involved. And of course, the IAB guys are big and scary and clearly corrupt. And, of course, Danny has to go shooting off his mouth and tell the IAB guys everything, despite the fact that Mac so clearly and fatherly warned him to just stay quiet for awhile, because he didn't actually have to give a statement for thirty-six hours or some arbitrary rule or something.
Danny, why do you do this??? Come on, man- you've got mob ties and a shifty beard and then you go tell the IAB stuff that would just be better left unsaid. Listen to Mac!! He was a Marine, dammit, and was looking out for you, and is clearly smarter because he doesn't spend his entire work day flirting with Aiden, thank God, because that would just be weird, and was just looking out for your best interest!!! So just listen to Mac and SHUT UP already!!!! Because if you get fired, the writers are going to have to have Flack drool over Collegan Lips to give the public the romance they're all clamoring for (or they think they're clamoring for) and that would devestate me. Sheesh.
Back to our story, Danny maintains (while giving an unauthorized-by-Mac statement to the IAB...idiot) that the cop, who was undercover, never identified himself, and was standing right where the bad guy was, so he was almost justified in shooting him. Well, the CSI's go back to their handy little audio tape (because, really, every crime is caught on tape, right?), and find out that Danny isn't telling the right story. The officer did identify himself, right before Danny fired the last two fatal shots. Bummer. Of course, Danny has already opened up that big piehole of his, so the IAB has him down as a liar. Big bummer.
Yeah, this story doesn't actually get resolved, because Danny really did kill the guy, and he's going to have to live with that. It ends with a pissed-off Mac telling a dejected-looking Danny that he really shouldn't have hired him in the first place, and that he was off the promotion list, which doesn't seem quite so bad to me, unless Danny to aspires to pull down the 98k that Stella and Mac do. Which I totally would want if I had to deal with blood and gore all day. Anyway, I think this was part of their attempt to bring the stories around to more character-driven stories as oppsed to neat little crimes that are tied up in forty-six minutes.
The other crime was pretty small- a foreign, probably illegal, nanny was found dead in a bathroom in a park. (See, never use public bathrooms!!!) Stella has to work this one alone, because everybody else is combing the entire subway system trying to clear Danny while he's off giving imprudent interviews. It actually gets wrapped up pretty quickly- the nanny's other nanny friends created a little theft ring and when Dead Nanny wanted out, Indian Nanny killed her. Which is rather implausible, because Indian Nanny was like shorter than me (and that's hard to do), and weighed ninety five pounds and how she could take down a five-eight normal-sized (well, for CSI anyway- she was probably a four or something obscene like that. Hate skinny people.) woman I don't really understand. But that's not really the issue.
Continuing with the whole "CSI's are real people" theory, Stella has to take the baby that Dead Nanny was caring for and make sure she's okay. Well, this is the most adorable little baby girl you've ever seen. Even cuter than the one on CSI: Miami a couple of weeks ago. And it has loser parents who haven't shown up yet, which is pretty much par for the course as far as CSI goes- all the parents are losers.
And while Stella is examining the baby, Daniella, you can practically hear her biological clock ticking. In fact, I'm guessing that she left social services, went back to her apartment, and cried over her Lean Cuisine about how she and Mac should have several kids by now.
See? Stella and Mac have got to get together!!! Stella is clearly has maternal instincts, because she practically smuggled poor little abandoned Daniella out of social services, and Mac needs something more than a beachball to love, and WHY DON'T THSE CSI WOMEN EVER LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL THEM WHO THEY SHOULD BE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????????? Grrr. This is what the public wants, not Danny and Aiden trading cute little bondage jokes over dinner. Bruckheimer had better clear this up or I'll have to retract my offer to give him my first born. Argh.
Anyhoo, I simply must say something about Flack in this episode (hence the title). He was superb. And he tackles a guy. Like against a wall. In a hot trench coat. With that cute little Brooklyn accent. *thud* Is it hot in here??? You know, they really need to give him more airtime. Maybe with Danny "off the promotion list" or whatever, that'll happen finally!!! In fact, I think we should just have a CSI: Flack. Hmm? He could just tackle guys and interrogate rapists (like that really hot Christmas episode that I still have on tape...I'm odd...)...oooh, maybe he could be sensitive like Ryan and Stella and take care on a little abandoned baby!!! That would be sweet!!!! I'm going to go have happy fantasies in my head... ;)
New episodes of all my shows tonight, so I'll there will be a ton of stuff up today and tomorrow!!!
Sunday, May 01, 2005
CSI:NY- Pretty Little Rich Girls with WAY too much time on their hands...
Okay, as my comment on the last post attests, I lost the tape for this episode because I forgot to stop the ER tape. I'm an idiot. But I did watch it, and remember almost everything, I think, so I'll do my best. This is all for you, Imladris, but you have to promise to read the Alias ones, too. I work hard on those!!! This one will be kind of shorter, though, because I don't really remember itty bitty details. But I'm trying desperately to avoid my bio project, history test, and political science paper, so you're gettinga review! (Maybe I could just turn in a compliation of my Alias reviews as my communism paper---they've pretty much got that down!)
We open in what appears to be a dorm, even though I'm not entirely sure where they'd put a dorm in New York. A pretty girl (of course she's pretty- even the doomed ones are pretty on CSI) is studying, and there is loud obnoxious music playing in the background. Pretty Girl gets pissed off that the said music is disturbing her studying, and so she starts yelling and banging on the walls. When this has ever worked in New York, I'm not sure. So the music inexplicably stops for a minute, and we hear a gunshot.
Now, this is when the real world and this other, strange, parallel universe break up. A normal person would scream, faint, and/or call 911. Not this girl- she goes to investigate where this gunshot came from, eventually finding the dead, slighly mangled body lying on the floor of one of the other apartments. And the place has been ransacked, which always signals drugs or something.
All the little CSIs rush to the scene and start processing it...and this is actually one episode where they all work on the same case. Mac says something "witty" like "Exams have never been this deadly" or something that suggests he's been on the phone to Miami quite a lot trading bon mots with Horatio. Anyhoodles, they jump inexplicably to the fact that drugs perpetrated this assault, and start looking for the roommate whose cell phone they found by the exit. Now, usually, I don't agree with or understand how the CSI's can go from one tiny piece of incriminateing evidence to arresting the right guy within ten seconds (even with their equiptment), but this time it does look like the roommate was kidnapped. I don't know a single girl who takes the time to put sequins on her pink cell phone and then drop it on the floor. They take the body out to be autopsied and start looking for the missing roommate, Jordan (who is actually a girl. Maybe that's why student housing put her with a dude.). During all this, Flack is standing in the background looking quite lovely in his trenchcoat. Mmmmm. Love me some Flack. *ahem* Moving on...
Okay, so they move the dead guy out and Mac and Stella somehow end up in an alley. I don't remember if it was ever explianed, or if they just magically decided that this alley (out of the millions in New York City) was the one where they were going to find incriminating evidence. Whatever. They're there. And they- shocker!- find the roommate's (who by now we know is named Jordan---why the hell would two filthy rich, inexplicably gorgeous people name their baby girl Jordan?????? I hate people who don't agree with me!!) purse. But wait- this isn't incriminating enough! The strap is broken!! No! That means that she must have been involved in a little scuffle! So, being the cynical folks that they are, Mac and Stella (STEWWWAAA...hehehehe) start looking around for Jordan's dead and/or mangled body. And you know she's going to be pretty. So Mac goes over to the dumpester (convenient, no?) and opens it. *scary music plays*
So I'm preparing to be confronted with the beaten-up dead body of a beautiful young woman, such as in the infamous laundrey epidsode---so nasty, but instead, a big scary black dude jumps out and attacks Mac!!! Well, clearly, he's not getting far with that. Mac was a Marine, dammit!!! So Mac goes all "The Few, the Proud, yada yada" on his ass, and Scary Black Dude (who, byt he way, is totally a different person from the Scary Black Dude referred to in every Alias episode...) ends up on the ground with Mac holding him down and Stella pointing a gun at his head. Now, if that was Flack, we would still be dreaming about it. But I'd be innocent, of course. And we'd run away together, and live happinly ever after...*ahem* Yeah, but it wasn't Flack. Moving on...
So I think they accuse Scary Black Dude of killing Jordan, or something, but we all know that because there are still twenty-five minutes left and he's clearly a convicted criminal, that that cannot be the answer!
A lot of other stuff happens that I don't really remember (I promise, next week's will be better- I'll protect the tape with my life...), but they end up finding Jordan at her parent's massive house doing "laundry". Uh-huh. Like Jordan has ever touched a washing machine in her life... When she doesn't admit to being the cause of the roommate's death, Stella goes all "I was and orphan and therefore have a ton of rage issues to work out" on her ass, and shoves an autopsy photo under poor Jordan's nose. Well, apparently this is a breach of due process, because they hadn't actually arrested Jordan for anything, and she was a teenage girl, which made her seem more vulnerable or something. Whatever. I'm younger than Jordan, and I think I could handle and autopsy photo without going crazy or something. Especially if Flack was in the room.
Anyhoodle, in the plot twist of the year (not), it turns out that Daddy has been freezing Jordan's credit accounts- forcing her to buy knockoffs of designer bags!!! *gasp* I don't know what I'd do!!!! And, in an ever bigger shocker, it turns out that Jordan was buying said rip-off bags from Scary Black Dude who may or may not have inadvertantly sold her a bag filled with heroin. I think it was heroin. Maybe it was coke. Not sure. Something dangerous and illegal, though.
Well, Jordan, who is clearly putting her incredibly expensive education to use, decides that rather than quietly take the bag back to the dealer, or just dump it, and avoid something unpleasent like being killed, she's going to go into business and sell the expenseive herion (I'm just going to call it heroin) to all of her friends. HA! Take that, Daddy! Jordan's back in business!!!
Well, as anyone who has half a brain cell can tell, this isn't going to work out so well for Jordan. And it's going to work out even worse for her poor, innocent roommate who only tried pot once (okay, can we stop applauding this? I've never tried it, and nobody gives me a medal!!!) and still ended up with his kidneys bashed in. Ouch. So Jordan goes to jail where I'm assuming her expense account will be even less than when Daddy cut her off!!! Poor baby.
So, what did we all learn from this week's episode??? Never jump Mac- no, not like that, you pervert. And don't shove a picture of a dead guy under a nineteen-year-old's nose- it caused irreperable harm. *rolls eyes* And DO NOT buy designer RIPOFFS!!! They will get you killed!!!
We open in what appears to be a dorm, even though I'm not entirely sure where they'd put a dorm in New York. A pretty girl (of course she's pretty- even the doomed ones are pretty on CSI) is studying, and there is loud obnoxious music playing in the background. Pretty Girl gets pissed off that the said music is disturbing her studying, and so she starts yelling and banging on the walls. When this has ever worked in New York, I'm not sure. So the music inexplicably stops for a minute, and we hear a gunshot.
Now, this is when the real world and this other, strange, parallel universe break up. A normal person would scream, faint, and/or call 911. Not this girl- she goes to investigate where this gunshot came from, eventually finding the dead, slighly mangled body lying on the floor of one of the other apartments. And the place has been ransacked, which always signals drugs or something.
All the little CSIs rush to the scene and start processing it...and this is actually one episode where they all work on the same case. Mac says something "witty" like "Exams have never been this deadly" or something that suggests he's been on the phone to Miami quite a lot trading bon mots with Horatio. Anyhoodles, they jump inexplicably to the fact that drugs perpetrated this assault, and start looking for the roommate whose cell phone they found by the exit. Now, usually, I don't agree with or understand how the CSI's can go from one tiny piece of incriminateing evidence to arresting the right guy within ten seconds (even with their equiptment), but this time it does look like the roommate was kidnapped. I don't know a single girl who takes the time to put sequins on her pink cell phone and then drop it on the floor. They take the body out to be autopsied and start looking for the missing roommate, Jordan (who is actually a girl. Maybe that's why student housing put her with a dude.). During all this, Flack is standing in the background looking quite lovely in his trenchcoat. Mmmmm. Love me some Flack. *ahem* Moving on...
Okay, so they move the dead guy out and Mac and Stella somehow end up in an alley. I don't remember if it was ever explianed, or if they just magically decided that this alley (out of the millions in New York City) was the one where they were going to find incriminating evidence. Whatever. They're there. And they- shocker!- find the roommate's (who by now we know is named Jordan---why the hell would two filthy rich, inexplicably gorgeous people name their baby girl Jordan?????? I hate people who don't agree with me!!) purse. But wait- this isn't incriminating enough! The strap is broken!! No! That means that she must have been involved in a little scuffle! So, being the cynical folks that they are, Mac and Stella (STEWWWAAA...hehehehe) start looking around for Jordan's dead and/or mangled body. And you know she's going to be pretty. So Mac goes over to the dumpester (convenient, no?) and opens it. *scary music plays*
So I'm preparing to be confronted with the beaten-up dead body of a beautiful young woman, such as in the infamous laundrey epidsode---so nasty, but instead, a big scary black dude jumps out and attacks Mac!!! Well, clearly, he's not getting far with that. Mac was a Marine, dammit!!! So Mac goes all "The Few, the Proud, yada yada" on his ass, and Scary Black Dude (who, byt he way, is totally a different person from the Scary Black Dude referred to in every Alias episode...) ends up on the ground with Mac holding him down and Stella pointing a gun at his head. Now, if that was Flack, we would still be dreaming about it. But I'd be innocent, of course. And we'd run away together, and live happinly ever after...*ahem* Yeah, but it wasn't Flack. Moving on...
So I think they accuse Scary Black Dude of killing Jordan, or something, but we all know that because there are still twenty-five minutes left and he's clearly a convicted criminal, that that cannot be the answer!
A lot of other stuff happens that I don't really remember (I promise, next week's will be better- I'll protect the tape with my life...), but they end up finding Jordan at her parent's massive house doing "laundry". Uh-huh. Like Jordan has ever touched a washing machine in her life... When she doesn't admit to being the cause of the roommate's death, Stella goes all "I was and orphan and therefore have a ton of rage issues to work out" on her ass, and shoves an autopsy photo under poor Jordan's nose. Well, apparently this is a breach of due process, because they hadn't actually arrested Jordan for anything, and she was a teenage girl, which made her seem more vulnerable or something. Whatever. I'm younger than Jordan, and I think I could handle and autopsy photo without going crazy or something. Especially if Flack was in the room.
Anyhoodle, in the plot twist of the year (not), it turns out that Daddy has been freezing Jordan's credit accounts- forcing her to buy knockoffs of designer bags!!! *gasp* I don't know what I'd do!!!! And, in an ever bigger shocker, it turns out that Jordan was buying said rip-off bags from Scary Black Dude who may or may not have inadvertantly sold her a bag filled with heroin. I think it was heroin. Maybe it was coke. Not sure. Something dangerous and illegal, though.
Well, Jordan, who is clearly putting her incredibly expensive education to use, decides that rather than quietly take the bag back to the dealer, or just dump it, and avoid something unpleasent like being killed, she's going to go into business and sell the expenseive herion (I'm just going to call it heroin) to all of her friends. HA! Take that, Daddy! Jordan's back in business!!!
Well, as anyone who has half a brain cell can tell, this isn't going to work out so well for Jordan. And it's going to work out even worse for her poor, innocent roommate who only tried pot once (okay, can we stop applauding this? I've never tried it, and nobody gives me a medal!!!) and still ended up with his kidneys bashed in. Ouch. So Jordan goes to jail where I'm assuming her expense account will be even less than when Daddy cut her off!!! Poor baby.
So, what did we all learn from this week's episode??? Never jump Mac- no, not like that, you pervert. And don't shove a picture of a dead guy under a nineteen-year-old's nose- it caused irreperable harm. *rolls eyes* And DO NOT buy designer RIPOFFS!!! They will get you killed!!!
Monday, April 25, 2005
CSI: Miami- Hot Guys with Babies!!!
Oooh, this is the best CSI:Miami episode ever! Except maybe that first season one where Horatio has to protect the adorable two-year-old baby girl...that one was pretty good, too. Yes, this was the Ryan and baby epidsode...actually, there was another storyline, too, but that did not involve an adorable geek with a baby. Therefore I did not pay much attention. Even the commercials were very good- one of Mac flipping some guy out of a dumpster, and and Elvis one!!! Ha, this is such a good night for teasing!! Ahem, so just to outline the two stories...
Big Crime: There's a gang-related shooting in the ER, leaving some shady looking character dead. Big whup. But I guess even the Miami CSI's have to investigate gang shootings. Whatever, at least it gets us into the ER.
Little Crime: Ryan is called upon by a young mother in said ER to check on her baby. Ryan spends alot of time holding the baby. I love guys with babies. I don't know why. I think I have a mother complex or something. I don't like models, but stick a baby in some guy's arms and I'll fall instantly. I'm odd.
Okay, so things open with a bustling ER...something surely is up, because CSI never shows hospitals unless a crime takes place there. Okay, so we're panning around, settling on a guy videotaping his wife's pre-delivery. Come on. Why the hell would you do something like that??? Do you ever go back and watch that? "Hey, honey, do you want to watch grainy videos of parts of your mother you NEVER wanted to see all covered in slime for your birthday?" I know it's the miracle of life or whatever, but it's still pretty nasty. Nothing I'd like to remember on video.
Anyhoo, at this moment scary gangster looking men walk in, and we start hearing heartbeat sounds over the seventies dance music that always plays with CSI. Clearly, somebody's going down. Sure enough, within two seconds (just long enough for us to get it through our heads that heartbeat sounds are never a good thing. While everybody else is hitting the floor, Videotape Guy leaps on top of his wife, leaving the baby exposed, though. Idiot. It's just sticking out there- if you're going to protect anything- do that!! Come on! Guy drives me nuts. And we cut to a dead gangster on a gurney. The audience knows he's a gangster because he's got a tattoo. And clearly, anybody with a tattoo must be bad. (See, Mom, you trained me well...)
So Horatio and the gang arrives, checks out the scene, and Horatio annouces "It's a gang shooting, ladies." No kidding. He's a perceptive one, that Horatio. This also allows him to get in a classic bon mot just before it cuts away to a classic from The Who, "They brought the war to us, now we are going to take it to them." Wow. That's deep. What war, exactly? Aren't gangs always at war?
As we return from commerical, we see the arrival of Ryan in an adorable sweater vest. Yay!!!
Note: As this is a rerun, Ryan is still playing nicely with the other CSI's, and I can love him completely without feeling sorry for Calleigh. Or thinking he's acting like a five-year-old. In reruns, he's perfect!
Anyway, yay!!! Ryan begins his very important role by questioning a witness, a young mother with a baby. (Who is, by the way, adorable. Cutest little baby ever. Of course, even the toddlers are cute on CSI...) The mom is the friend from "The Wedding Planner". Because of this, I'm just going to call her Penny, because I dont' remember her name. I don't think she had one. Whatever. The adorable baby, who does have a name, and a very pretty one at that- Bethany-, has some bruising under her eye. No!! Ryan is, of course, concerned by this. Awww!!! Point one for baby-loving Ryan.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Er, Calleigh is frustrated by the shooting. Calleigh thinks they have their work cut our for them. Perceptive one, that Calleigh. On the other side of the room, Horatio is talking to Yelena, who totally doesn't understand that she belongs with Horatio and nobody would be a better dad to little Ray, Jr. , who, excuse me, already has a police record for goodness sakes, and she should just appreciate the fact that she has a wonderful guy who loves her and is sensitive too and dump the wife-beater otherwise known as the DA, who never evens spends any time with her!! I'm sorry, did that come out? Yeah, that' s just how I feel. On a completely different note, does Yelena's accent change from episode to episode? Tonight she's very Latino. Not that it's important, I was just wondering. All of a sudden, Horatio jumps this orderly because of something having to do with cell phone. Honestly, I'm still thinking about Ryan with the baby... Anyhoo, the orderly guy says something intelligent like "It's just a cell phone", and H gets to fire back with "In my world, that's call accessory to murder." Hehehehe...good one, H, good one!
Anyway, somewhere else Frank is scaring the crap out of Ramon, which is kind of funny, except I can't figure out who Ramon is. Then Ramon tells Frank that the dead guy from the ER bumped off Primero. No, not Primero!!! Who is Primero!?!?!? So Frank goes running to Horatio to tell him this, and H comes back with urging Frank to figure this one out before the city becomes a battleground. Wait a minute- isn't Miami already a battleground??? It's frickin' Miami, for goodness sakes!!! The hookers and drug dealers are fighting for a very limited number of corners!!!
Cut to Ryan playing with little Bethany...awww....is it hot in here??? Ryan then orders blood work, apparently following a hunch that he does not feel that the audience needs to be privy to. Whatever. Playing and blood work- two points for baby-loving Ryan.
Back in the not-so-cute storyline, the dead guy was shot recently! I'm sure this is going to mean someting...don't know what, but we know that H is going want that bullet!! H, in his infinate wisdom, tells Calleigh and Delko to set up the little dummies to figure out the projectories of the bullets, which we know are just going to be all off. Sure enough, this tell them that there was a third shooter, this one from the door. And he's still out there!!!! *cut to commercial*
Calleigh and Delko (who, by the way, hasn't started molesting girls against buildings yet, in case you were wondering) go out to the parking lot beyong the door and find a dub. For the benefit of the audience in middle America, Calleigh pretends not to know waht this is. (FYI, it's kind of like a hubcap.) Thankfully, these are high end and despite the size and concentrated wealth in miami, only one shop makes them. Unthankfully, this will likely lead us to a convicted felon (probably of something violent) which makes him automatically innocent, so why do they even wast our time??? Sure enough, Dub Guy was at the hospital- he brough his jailbait girlfriend and then "dumped her ass off". Lovely young man. Of course, he's innocent.
Despite this apparent dead end, H miraculously remembers the pregnant woman, and figures that the husband taped the whole damn thing. Grrr. This bugs me so much!!! Who does that!?!?!? Of course, this will miraculously give the CSI team the audio of something incrimiating like "I kill you, Ramon" or something like that, and will be enough to convict somebody. Okay, so it doens't give them dialogue, but it does let them here that the driver pulled away, which means Dub Guy was lying. Not that this means he's guilty. Calleigh spends the next ten minutes flirting with Tyler. Don't know who he is. Whatever.
After tearing herself away from the geeky lab guy Tyler, Calleigh and Delko search this car that they miraculously have. What do you know, Delko finds a safe with a gun in it!
This lead them straight to Pico Domingas, or something like that. Pico admits to the shooting, but they still have thirty-two minutes left, which means he is so innocent. Pico then goes all "You're a lazy pig" to Horatio. Too bad Mac isn't there to get all Marine. I wonder if H has any military service? Oooh, I wonder if Ryan has any???
Okay, somehow they end up at this Primero's house where his little girl saw him get shot. I don't know how, and I certainly don't know why, but that's where they are. Deal with it. Anyhoo, Carmen (the little girl) is probably as scarred as the little boy who watched the slut in the car with the IRS guy last week...freaky. So Frank and H ring the bell and Jesse (who had something to do with the investiagion) answers. When they ask him why he's there, Jesse says he "stepped up" after Primero died. Uh-huh. I'm sure it's all honor and has nothing to do with the super-model girlfriend. *rolls eyes* H goes and talks to Carmen, who says she saw fire when her dad was shot. Fire? H is confused...
Basically they find out that Anna (the super-model) was a slut and having an affair and probably engaging in bondage just to fulfill the weekly kink factor. Because its not like people who don't engage in odd sexual behavior get hurt, right?? Anyhoodle, they trace the belt buckle imprint from the bedpost to Eddie, the Dub Guy. Long story short, Anna and Eddie were fooling around, Primero comes home, Eddie tumbles comically out the window (hehe), Primero beats Anna up, Eddie shoots Primero and give Anna the gun. Whew. In the final little jab, H asks Eddie to take off his shirt, and he's got this huge flame tattoo on his back. Get it? Fire? Carmen? Keep up people!
Okay, so we're going back to the adorable story line, k? Ryan now has DNA results- turns out Penny is not the mother!! No!!! But have we considered adoption Ryan? Come on, be inclusive!!! But we don't have enough time to contemplate that because Penny breaks down and admits that she was the nanny and took the baby because her parents are such losers that they haven't even reported her missing yet and it's been almost a day. Damn them. Ryan is offend. And still wearing the sweater vest. Still want him...
Well, obviously the CSI's have to call Bethany's parents, who show up and are remarkably detached about the whole thing. Well, Ryan is scandalized. (As Imladris put it "Ryan's kind of hot when he's outraged!" So true.) So he gets H to help him skirt the law and lets Penny off scot-free. And child services is going to visit. You go Ryan!!! Penny gets to have a cute moment at the end with Ryan. I want a cute moment with Ryan. *pouts* The last scene is Horatio and Ryan gazing into the sunset---doubley good!!! I think Ryan needs sunglasses...
So what did we learn this week? The dating world sucks, we should all go back to arranged marriages, and Ryan's hotness grows exponentially when he's holding a baby. And he needs sunglasses. :)
-
Big Crime: There's a gang-related shooting in the ER, leaving some shady looking character dead. Big whup. But I guess even the Miami CSI's have to investigate gang shootings. Whatever, at least it gets us into the ER.
Little Crime: Ryan is called upon by a young mother in said ER to check on her baby. Ryan spends alot of time holding the baby. I love guys with babies. I don't know why. I think I have a mother complex or something. I don't like models, but stick a baby in some guy's arms and I'll fall instantly. I'm odd.
Okay, so things open with a bustling ER...something surely is up, because CSI never shows hospitals unless a crime takes place there. Okay, so we're panning around, settling on a guy videotaping his wife's pre-delivery. Come on. Why the hell would you do something like that??? Do you ever go back and watch that? "Hey, honey, do you want to watch grainy videos of parts of your mother you NEVER wanted to see all covered in slime for your birthday?" I know it's the miracle of life or whatever, but it's still pretty nasty. Nothing I'd like to remember on video.
Anyhoo, at this moment scary gangster looking men walk in, and we start hearing heartbeat sounds over the seventies dance music that always plays with CSI. Clearly, somebody's going down. Sure enough, within two seconds (just long enough for us to get it through our heads that heartbeat sounds are never a good thing. While everybody else is hitting the floor, Videotape Guy leaps on top of his wife, leaving the baby exposed, though. Idiot. It's just sticking out there- if you're going to protect anything- do that!! Come on! Guy drives me nuts. And we cut to a dead gangster on a gurney. The audience knows he's a gangster because he's got a tattoo. And clearly, anybody with a tattoo must be bad. (See, Mom, you trained me well...)
So Horatio and the gang arrives, checks out the scene, and Horatio annouces "It's a gang shooting, ladies." No kidding. He's a perceptive one, that Horatio. This also allows him to get in a classic bon mot just before it cuts away to a classic from The Who, "They brought the war to us, now we are going to take it to them." Wow. That's deep. What war, exactly? Aren't gangs always at war?
As we return from commerical, we see the arrival of Ryan in an adorable sweater vest. Yay!!!
Note: As this is a rerun, Ryan is still playing nicely with the other CSI's, and I can love him completely without feeling sorry for Calleigh. Or thinking he's acting like a five-year-old. In reruns, he's perfect!
Anyway, yay!!! Ryan begins his very important role by questioning a witness, a young mother with a baby. (Who is, by the way, adorable. Cutest little baby ever. Of course, even the toddlers are cute on CSI...) The mom is the friend from "The Wedding Planner". Because of this, I'm just going to call her Penny, because I dont' remember her name. I don't think she had one. Whatever. The adorable baby, who does have a name, and a very pretty one at that- Bethany-, has some bruising under her eye. No!! Ryan is, of course, concerned by this. Awww!!! Point one for baby-loving Ryan.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Er, Calleigh is frustrated by the shooting. Calleigh thinks they have their work cut our for them. Perceptive one, that Calleigh. On the other side of the room, Horatio is talking to Yelena, who totally doesn't understand that she belongs with Horatio and nobody would be a better dad to little Ray, Jr. , who, excuse me, already has a police record for goodness sakes, and she should just appreciate the fact that she has a wonderful guy who loves her and is sensitive too and dump the wife-beater otherwise known as the DA, who never evens spends any time with her!! I'm sorry, did that come out? Yeah, that' s just how I feel. On a completely different note, does Yelena's accent change from episode to episode? Tonight she's very Latino. Not that it's important, I was just wondering. All of a sudden, Horatio jumps this orderly because of something having to do with cell phone. Honestly, I'm still thinking about Ryan with the baby... Anyhoo, the orderly guy says something intelligent like "It's just a cell phone", and H gets to fire back with "In my world, that's call accessory to murder." Hehehehe...good one, H, good one!
Anyway, somewhere else Frank is scaring the crap out of Ramon, which is kind of funny, except I can't figure out who Ramon is. Then Ramon tells Frank that the dead guy from the ER bumped off Primero. No, not Primero!!! Who is Primero!?!?!? So Frank goes running to Horatio to tell him this, and H comes back with urging Frank to figure this one out before the city becomes a battleground. Wait a minute- isn't Miami already a battleground??? It's frickin' Miami, for goodness sakes!!! The hookers and drug dealers are fighting for a very limited number of corners!!!
Cut to Ryan playing with little Bethany...awww....is it hot in here??? Ryan then orders blood work, apparently following a hunch that he does not feel that the audience needs to be privy to. Whatever. Playing and blood work- two points for baby-loving Ryan.
Back in the not-so-cute storyline, the dead guy was shot recently! I'm sure this is going to mean someting...don't know what, but we know that H is going want that bullet!! H, in his infinate wisdom, tells Calleigh and Delko to set up the little dummies to figure out the projectories of the bullets, which we know are just going to be all off. Sure enough, this tell them that there was a third shooter, this one from the door. And he's still out there!!!! *cut to commercial*
Calleigh and Delko (who, by the way, hasn't started molesting girls against buildings yet, in case you were wondering) go out to the parking lot beyong the door and find a dub. For the benefit of the audience in middle America, Calleigh pretends not to know waht this is. (FYI, it's kind of like a hubcap.) Thankfully, these are high end and despite the size and concentrated wealth in miami, only one shop makes them. Unthankfully, this will likely lead us to a convicted felon (probably of something violent) which makes him automatically innocent, so why do they even wast our time??? Sure enough, Dub Guy was at the hospital- he brough his jailbait girlfriend and then "dumped her ass off". Lovely young man. Of course, he's innocent.
Despite this apparent dead end, H miraculously remembers the pregnant woman, and figures that the husband taped the whole damn thing. Grrr. This bugs me so much!!! Who does that!?!?!? Of course, this will miraculously give the CSI team the audio of something incrimiating like "I kill you, Ramon" or something like that, and will be enough to convict somebody. Okay, so it doens't give them dialogue, but it does let them here that the driver pulled away, which means Dub Guy was lying. Not that this means he's guilty. Calleigh spends the next ten minutes flirting with Tyler. Don't know who he is. Whatever.
After tearing herself away from the geeky lab guy Tyler, Calleigh and Delko search this car that they miraculously have. What do you know, Delko finds a safe with a gun in it!
This lead them straight to Pico Domingas, or something like that. Pico admits to the shooting, but they still have thirty-two minutes left, which means he is so innocent. Pico then goes all "You're a lazy pig" to Horatio. Too bad Mac isn't there to get all Marine. I wonder if H has any military service? Oooh, I wonder if Ryan has any???
Okay, somehow they end up at this Primero's house where his little girl saw him get shot. I don't know how, and I certainly don't know why, but that's where they are. Deal with it. Anyhoo, Carmen (the little girl) is probably as scarred as the little boy who watched the slut in the car with the IRS guy last week...freaky. So Frank and H ring the bell and Jesse (who had something to do with the investiagion) answers. When they ask him why he's there, Jesse says he "stepped up" after Primero died. Uh-huh. I'm sure it's all honor and has nothing to do with the super-model girlfriend. *rolls eyes* H goes and talks to Carmen, who says she saw fire when her dad was shot. Fire? H is confused...
Basically they find out that Anna (the super-model) was a slut and having an affair and probably engaging in bondage just to fulfill the weekly kink factor. Because its not like people who don't engage in odd sexual behavior get hurt, right?? Anyhoodle, they trace the belt buckle imprint from the bedpost to Eddie, the Dub Guy. Long story short, Anna and Eddie were fooling around, Primero comes home, Eddie tumbles comically out the window (hehe), Primero beats Anna up, Eddie shoots Primero and give Anna the gun. Whew. In the final little jab, H asks Eddie to take off his shirt, and he's got this huge flame tattoo on his back. Get it? Fire? Carmen? Keep up people!
Okay, so we're going back to the adorable story line, k? Ryan now has DNA results- turns out Penny is not the mother!! No!!! But have we considered adoption Ryan? Come on, be inclusive!!! But we don't have enough time to contemplate that because Penny breaks down and admits that she was the nanny and took the baby because her parents are such losers that they haven't even reported her missing yet and it's been almost a day. Damn them. Ryan is offend. And still wearing the sweater vest. Still want him...
Well, obviously the CSI's have to call Bethany's parents, who show up and are remarkably detached about the whole thing. Well, Ryan is scandalized. (As Imladris put it "Ryan's kind of hot when he's outraged!" So true.) So he gets H to help him skirt the law and lets Penny off scot-free. And child services is going to visit. You go Ryan!!! Penny gets to have a cute moment at the end with Ryan. I want a cute moment with Ryan. *pouts* The last scene is Horatio and Ryan gazing into the sunset---doubley good!!! I think Ryan needs sunglasses...
So what did we learn this week? The dating world sucks, we should all go back to arranged marriages, and Ryan's hotness grows exponentially when he's holding a baby. And he needs sunglasses. :)
-
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Alias- A Tale of Two Sloanes and a Sander
Ah, yes, this was a veddy, veddy good episode (FYI, I'm clasping my hands together evily.) I did actually have a post all written and everything, but somebody came on the computor and didn't save it, so I may skip over some stuff. But anyway...You kind of need to know a little bit of what went on last week to understand this week, so here is the...
Recap in Two- okay, maybe three- Sentences or Less!!!
Vaughn's still gone, Sydney's still lying, Nadia's visiting Katya in prison- almost kills her with chocolate (bummer), Katya says that Irina did not order hit on Sydney (what a mom), Sydney believes her (stupid, stupid Sydney), Daddy may have a genetic mutation (although why he'd want to reproduce again when he already has a daughter that can run around in a bikini and fire a rifle I'll never know), and some Hot Blond Chick in France is trying to seduce Vaughn (her name was so important to the story that I forgot it.). *deep breath* Vaughn is going all anti-CIA with the scary black dude, scary black dude works for Sloane, Sloane was the one that killed Mom, and Mom killed Vaughn's dad (I'm sensing difficult Christmas issues...). All this and a creepy Russian jewelry box too!!!
Moving on...
There are two main story lines in this one, but they end up being connected.
1.) One is very long and complicated but takes place mainly at the CIA office.
2.) The other involves a woman with a teddy bear being inexplicably kidnapped by -who else?- Russians and held against her will to build some ancient machine or something. I told you, I don't understand this show...
So here's what went on...Syndey and Vaughn (who is being welcomed with open arms despite the fact that he just got back from BEING ROUGE ) are telling Jack about the fact that Mom (Irina) didn't order the hit on Sydney's life, and that Sloane set things up so that Jack would kill her. Jack goes postal and corners Sloane in what apears to be a bathroom and points a gun at his face. Does a whole little "You made me kill the woman I spent my life with, even though she kinda tried to kill my daughter, it's still not nice so now I"m going to kill you too" thing, but Sloane denies it. Now, in the real world, Jack would realize that Sloane is a TERRORIST who had an affair with said "woman he spent his life with" and even had a child with her, and therefore probably is not telling the truth. Jack would then kill him. However, in Alias world, Jack believes everything Sloane says about being set up and somebody else was paying Irina and blah, blah, blah. Anyhoo, they come out of that bathroom practically hugging each other.
Slight Editorial: The audience , while realizing that there is a chance that Sloane is lying, know that Katya was being so fishy and so Irina-like to Sydney in the jail that she's probably the one that's lying. The audience is then okay with accepting the writers rather lame attempt tie this baby up because we are confident in the fact that we are much smarter.
Sydney, of course, believes Sloane, too. Uh-huh. Vaughn, however, is the only one with half a brain and says "Wait a minute. Let's get Scary Black Dude over here and he'll tell us if he really is working with Sloane". Well, the whole little CIA team think this is a good idea, and all crowd around the two-way mirror to watch. Shockingly (yeah), Scary Black Dude doesn't think that Sloane is the one he was working for, but he definately looks like Sloane.
~~~Cut to someplace in Russia~~~
The creepy guy who was holding the poor woman captive and making her build some sort of ancient thing (I'm guessing this is connected to this Rimbaldi thing I keep hearing about), actually does look like Sloane! In fact, so much so that I'm startled and jump back in my chair. Apparently, the woman is not willing to spend the rest of her life in a lab working for people of unidentifiable eastern European background. And with good reason. Can you name a single eastern European lab that hasn't been part of killing people in new and exciting ways? Hmmm? Can you? Didn't think so. Well, Fake Sloane (whose real name is Davis or something boring. Don't worry, we'll get to better names in a minute.) doesn't take too kindly to this and whips out a belt sander. At this moment, I start having CSI:NY flashbacks- is this woman connected to the Tanglewood boys??? Wait, I'm watching a differnt network...k, got it now... Yeah, you can pretty much tell where he's going with that, and it ain't pretty. *shivers*
Back in Glassland...um...I mean, CIA headquarters, all the little agents are sitting around coming up with fun names for this other Sloane. "Sloane Clone" "Arvin Clone" "Marvin Sloane"- for this the U.S. is paying them? And don't they have anythign better to do? I guess Windexing all that glass must get pretty tiring day after day...
Anyhoo, they need a plan to try to find this other Sloane (who will now be referred to as "Sloane Clone" or simply S.C. because I think it's funny). They decide to use Scary Black Dude as bait, and send him into some hotel with the coil (that I stil haven't figured out what it does. I'm assuming it also has something to do with this Rimaldi thing I keep hearing about.). The ENTIRE team will be functioning as backup. Vaughn's a guy in the lobby, the bartender seems to be in on it, Jack is a bellhop or something...no, no, I'm kidding, Jack's not a bellhop. But he should be suplimenting his income someway, because since he started glowing he hasn't really done anything.
So Scary Black Dude goes in and sits down at a bar. Of course, this gives Sydney a chance to go undercover as some reincarnation of a Slut. Today she's wearing a stewardess outfil and pigails. PIGTAILS. Ugh. Sydney, hon, if you dont' think boys have cooties anymore, you shoudn't be in pigtails, k? Another scary guy shows up, he and Scary Black Dude run away with the coil, and Sydney chases after them. Uh-huh. Like the bright red stewardess uniform and pigtails aren't noticable. *rolls eyes* They go into an elevator, which, to make a long story short, gets cut and they end up going crashing to the bottom of the building. Clearly, they're all dead.
Stewardess Barbie...I'm sorry, Sydney, runs after them and finds them dead on the floor. Bummer. Worse, somebody has just taken the coil!!! (Presumably S.C.). From what follows, it become clear to the audience that pigtails deaden your brain cells, because Sydney just stands there. Chase him, whore!!! You know what he looks like anyway!!!
Author's Note: After this I kind of get confused. This is how my viewing went.
7:33- No, Scary Black Dude Died!!! Sadness.
7:34- Wait, what's going on now?
7:35- Why do I watch this show? It's late and I'm hungry but I don't want to go eat because I could miss something. This isn't normal...
7:40- Maybe I'll get something to eat during the commercial break. No, too depressing to eat while watching Jennifer Garner prance around in a bikini or the like. Suspect a drink would go well, though. Darn, not legal yet.
And so forth...FYI, I didn't end up eating until after nine because I was so obesses with this show. I need a life...
Back in CIA headquarters, the gang decides something has to be done to get the coil back and find S.C. So Sydney (after having a painfully tender sister moment with Nadia- this show needs better writers!!) suggests that Sloane go to wherever it is that S.C. is and take back the coil because they look so much alike. Good plan, except S.C. is trying to build this Rimbaldi thing, and apparently Sloane goes crazy when he gets near the Rimbaldi thing. Yet they have him sit down with ancient papers and try to figure it out.
This is so a "Da Vinci Code" rip-off. Come on, people. I'll be Dan Brown could write better scripts...
Anyhoo, Nadia is upset because she knows that Sloane gets crazy. So she goes and yells at Sydney for no apparent reason, and then goes and has another painfully written tender moment with her father (aka evil international terrorist). Mr. Brown on line one?
Okay, so Sydney and Nadia and Sloane end up in this scary Russian Lab/Complex where this suspicious big red ball is being kept. Sydney, while there, doesn't spend a whole lot of time with the other two, presumably because she's out bikini shopping. She does pop in long enough to complain about having flashbacks to Moscow, which I later learned was something that happened first seaon with this big ball. Apparently it's important. Anyhoo, Sloane is getting crazy, and Nadia is getting worried. Good, Nadia, maybe you should have started worrying when you found out he probably kill your mother. Yeah.
The last part of the episode has Sloane alone in this big room with the red ball thingy, and Unimportant Extra Guy comes in. He demands that Sloane leave, becaus he has to do something with the big red ball thingy. Not the best thing to say to Sloane, who's already on the edge.
Sloane goes postal, saying "The Rimbaldi will never be yours, you don't understand it. It's about immortality!" (which prompted me to cry "Take it, it's yours!" much to the perplixity of those in the room with me...*blush*) and then starts bashing Unimportant Extra Guy's head in. The final scene is a one creepy-ass shot. Nadia comes in, and is somewhat upset to fnd her dad leaning over a dead guy (come on, Nadia, wake up!!) and screams or something. Sloane looks up with blood all over his face and a freaky ass grin and says something like "It's all over, sweetie." Uh-huh. Yeah. Totally don't understand that, but whatever.
Anyhoo, good episode, kind of freaky, with the Sloane Clone and all, but still really good. I don't, however, know what happened to the woman with the teddy bear. Hmmm. Next week, I think Jack starts to glow---ooooh!!!
Recap in Two- okay, maybe three- Sentences or Less!!!
Vaughn's still gone, Sydney's still lying, Nadia's visiting Katya in prison- almost kills her with chocolate (bummer), Katya says that Irina did not order hit on Sydney (what a mom), Sydney believes her (stupid, stupid Sydney), Daddy may have a genetic mutation (although why he'd want to reproduce again when he already has a daughter that can run around in a bikini and fire a rifle I'll never know), and some Hot Blond Chick in France is trying to seduce Vaughn (her name was so important to the story that I forgot it.). *deep breath* Vaughn is going all anti-CIA with the scary black dude, scary black dude works for Sloane, Sloane was the one that killed Mom, and Mom killed Vaughn's dad (I'm sensing difficult Christmas issues...). All this and a creepy Russian jewelry box too!!!
Moving on...
There are two main story lines in this one, but they end up being connected.
1.) One is very long and complicated but takes place mainly at the CIA office.
2.) The other involves a woman with a teddy bear being inexplicably kidnapped by -who else?- Russians and held against her will to build some ancient machine or something. I told you, I don't understand this show...
So here's what went on...Syndey and Vaughn (who is being welcomed with open arms despite the fact that he just got back from BEING ROUGE ) are telling Jack about the fact that Mom (Irina) didn't order the hit on Sydney's life, and that Sloane set things up so that Jack would kill her. Jack goes postal and corners Sloane in what apears to be a bathroom and points a gun at his face. Does a whole little "You made me kill the woman I spent my life with, even though she kinda tried to kill my daughter, it's still not nice so now I"m going to kill you too" thing, but Sloane denies it. Now, in the real world, Jack would realize that Sloane is a TERRORIST who had an affair with said "woman he spent his life with" and even had a child with her, and therefore probably is not telling the truth. Jack would then kill him. However, in Alias world, Jack believes everything Sloane says about being set up and somebody else was paying Irina and blah, blah, blah. Anyhoo, they come out of that bathroom practically hugging each other.
Slight Editorial: The audience , while realizing that there is a chance that Sloane is lying, know that Katya was being so fishy and so Irina-like to Sydney in the jail that she's probably the one that's lying. The audience is then okay with accepting the writers rather lame attempt tie this baby up because we are confident in the fact that we are much smarter.
Sydney, of course, believes Sloane, too. Uh-huh. Vaughn, however, is the only one with half a brain and says "Wait a minute. Let's get Scary Black Dude over here and he'll tell us if he really is working with Sloane". Well, the whole little CIA team think this is a good idea, and all crowd around the two-way mirror to watch. Shockingly (yeah), Scary Black Dude doesn't think that Sloane is the one he was working for, but he definately looks like Sloane.
~~~Cut to someplace in Russia~~~
The creepy guy who was holding the poor woman captive and making her build some sort of ancient thing (I'm guessing this is connected to this Rimbaldi thing I keep hearing about), actually does look like Sloane! In fact, so much so that I'm startled and jump back in my chair. Apparently, the woman is not willing to spend the rest of her life in a lab working for people of unidentifiable eastern European background. And with good reason. Can you name a single eastern European lab that hasn't been part of killing people in new and exciting ways? Hmmm? Can you? Didn't think so. Well, Fake Sloane (whose real name is Davis or something boring. Don't worry, we'll get to better names in a minute.) doesn't take too kindly to this and whips out a belt sander. At this moment, I start having CSI:NY flashbacks- is this woman connected to the Tanglewood boys??? Wait, I'm watching a differnt network...k, got it now... Yeah, you can pretty much tell where he's going with that, and it ain't pretty. *shivers*
Back in Glassland...um...I mean, CIA headquarters, all the little agents are sitting around coming up with fun names for this other Sloane. "Sloane Clone" "Arvin Clone" "Marvin Sloane"- for this the U.S. is paying them? And don't they have anythign better to do? I guess Windexing all that glass must get pretty tiring day after day...
Anyhoo, they need a plan to try to find this other Sloane (who will now be referred to as "Sloane Clone" or simply S.C. because I think it's funny). They decide to use Scary Black Dude as bait, and send him into some hotel with the coil (that I stil haven't figured out what it does. I'm assuming it also has something to do with this Rimaldi thing I keep hearing about.). The ENTIRE team will be functioning as backup. Vaughn's a guy in the lobby, the bartender seems to be in on it, Jack is a bellhop or something...no, no, I'm kidding, Jack's not a bellhop. But he should be suplimenting his income someway, because since he started glowing he hasn't really done anything.
So Scary Black Dude goes in and sits down at a bar. Of course, this gives Sydney a chance to go undercover as some reincarnation of a Slut. Today she's wearing a stewardess outfil and pigails. PIGTAILS. Ugh. Sydney, hon, if you dont' think boys have cooties anymore, you shoudn't be in pigtails, k? Another scary guy shows up, he and Scary Black Dude run away with the coil, and Sydney chases after them. Uh-huh. Like the bright red stewardess uniform and pigtails aren't noticable. *rolls eyes* They go into an elevator, which, to make a long story short, gets cut and they end up going crashing to the bottom of the building. Clearly, they're all dead.
Stewardess Barbie...I'm sorry, Sydney, runs after them and finds them dead on the floor. Bummer. Worse, somebody has just taken the coil!!! (Presumably S.C.). From what follows, it become clear to the audience that pigtails deaden your brain cells, because Sydney just stands there. Chase him, whore!!! You know what he looks like anyway!!!
Author's Note: After this I kind of get confused. This is how my viewing went.
7:33- No, Scary Black Dude Died!!! Sadness.
7:34- Wait, what's going on now?
7:35- Why do I watch this show? It's late and I'm hungry but I don't want to go eat because I could miss something. This isn't normal...
7:40- Maybe I'll get something to eat during the commercial break. No, too depressing to eat while watching Jennifer Garner prance around in a bikini or the like. Suspect a drink would go well, though. Darn, not legal yet.
And so forth...FYI, I didn't end up eating until after nine because I was so obesses with this show. I need a life...
Back in CIA headquarters, the gang decides something has to be done to get the coil back and find S.C. So Sydney (after having a painfully tender sister moment with Nadia- this show needs better writers!!) suggests that Sloane go to wherever it is that S.C. is and take back the coil because they look so much alike. Good plan, except S.C. is trying to build this Rimbaldi thing, and apparently Sloane goes crazy when he gets near the Rimbaldi thing. Yet they have him sit down with ancient papers and try to figure it out.
This is so a "Da Vinci Code" rip-off. Come on, people. I'll be Dan Brown could write better scripts...
Anyhoo, Nadia is upset because she knows that Sloane gets crazy. So she goes and yells at Sydney for no apparent reason, and then goes and has another painfully written tender moment with her father (aka evil international terrorist). Mr. Brown on line one?
Okay, so Sydney and Nadia and Sloane end up in this scary Russian Lab/Complex where this suspicious big red ball is being kept. Sydney, while there, doesn't spend a whole lot of time with the other two, presumably because she's out bikini shopping. She does pop in long enough to complain about having flashbacks to Moscow, which I later learned was something that happened first seaon with this big ball. Apparently it's important. Anyhoo, Sloane is getting crazy, and Nadia is getting worried. Good, Nadia, maybe you should have started worrying when you found out he probably kill your mother. Yeah.
The last part of the episode has Sloane alone in this big room with the red ball thingy, and Unimportant Extra Guy comes in. He demands that Sloane leave, becaus he has to do something with the big red ball thingy. Not the best thing to say to Sloane, who's already on the edge.
Sloane goes postal, saying "The Rimbaldi will never be yours, you don't understand it. It's about immortality!" (which prompted me to cry "Take it, it's yours!" much to the perplixity of those in the room with me...*blush*) and then starts bashing Unimportant Extra Guy's head in. The final scene is a one creepy-ass shot. Nadia comes in, and is somewhat upset to fnd her dad leaning over a dead guy (come on, Nadia, wake up!!) and screams or something. Sloane looks up with blood all over his face and a freaky ass grin and says something like "It's all over, sweetie." Uh-huh. Yeah. Totally don't understand that, but whatever.
Anyhoo, good episode, kind of freaky, with the Sloane Clone and all, but still really good. I don't, however, know what happened to the woman with the teddy bear. Hmmm. Next week, I think Jack starts to glow---ooooh!!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Small Explanation
I'm terribly sorry to say this, as I know all of two people are reading this, but I seem to be getting behind in writing about all of my favorite shows. There are so many!!!! But I already watched Alias, and have a review already outlined so I'll post that later on today. And there was a very good CSI: Miami last night (Delko's got some issues...), that I definately have to write about (the handprints were just too good!!!), so those are definatly going to be up today or early tomorrow morning. If I have some extra time I'll write about the Grey's Anatomy episode on Sunday.
In the interest of time management (I do actually have to go to school), I'm going to skip the CSI:NY episode from last week, and my Thursday shows. I'm also just going to condense the Office reviews from last week and tonight into one post. And remember, all these shows are going to be in reruns this summer, when I will definately need something to write about!!!
So keep reading- I'll definately be updating!!!
In the interest of time management (I do actually have to go to school), I'm going to skip the CSI:NY episode from last week, and my Thursday shows. I'm also just going to condense the Office reviews from last week and tonight into one post. And remember, all these shows are going to be in reruns this summer, when I will definately need something to write about!!!
So keep reading- I'll definately be updating!!!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
CSI: Miami---so *thats* how you pay your taxes!!!
Ah, yes, it was a busy time in Miami this week. Not only did the completely upstanding, law-abiding citizens that staff the Miami-Dade PD have to file their taxes, they also had to deal with murders. (I don't know how much Horatio makes, but those CSI NY-ers have quite a lot to account for with their 98+ paychecks...) Now, this episode followed the traditional formula for the first five minutes (allowing Horatio to get in a cute little bon mot right before The Who starts singing- something to the effect of "It's tax time". I don't remember exactly, but I know it made me laugh at the absurdity of the situation. hehehe), with a man on a boat being shot at by a rich dude in a mansion on the shore. I'm sorry, but whenever I see a guy in a boat on this show, I think of Miami Vice. They could have alleviated this by just setting the show in Orlando or something...*sigh* The man on the shore claimed he was shooting in self defense because Boat Dude pulled a gun, and shot him in the leg (a superficial but painful scar). But, as we learn implausibly quickly in the next...oh...five seconds, the man on the boat was and IRS agent, and therefore not authorized to carry a gun. Huh. I guess Mansion Dude is lying!! But wait! Within the next five seconds we learn that MansionDude is on IRS guy's list- giving him enough motive for Horatio to accuse him of shooting himself in the leg.
Okay, I'd just like to take a moment out for a little editorial. How desperate do you have to be to shoot yourself in the leg? And how stupid do you have to be to just hold the gun down your thigh and shoot? First of all, can't you find something a little bit less important than your leg? You kind of use it a lot. Secondly, you know those clever CSI's are going to figure it out that the gun was fired down your leg and unless you and the IRS guy were pretty cozy (we'll get back to that later *wink wink*), he could not have shot you? Come on, guys, think!!!!
So Mansion Guy pretty much confesses, and I get rather upset. By this time, it's only ten after nine, and I'm settling in for a good evening with corpses. I'm already ticked off because the baseball game pre-emped Friends on TBS and I didn't have anything to watch while I ate dinner. So there'd better be something good coming, or I may retract my desire to give Jerry Bruckheimer my first born.
But not worry- as Mansion Guy is nursing his "wound", Horatio gets a call on his cell phone. There's another murder! And wait- it's another IRS agent! And another bon mot from Horatio! So we pretty much ignore the Mansion Guy vs. Boat Guy story for the rest of the hour. (Hence the unconventional formula) as H, Calleigh, and Ryan (yay!!!) go running across town to deal with this other murder. Once at the scene, Calleigh says something like "An awful lot of blood". She a perceptive one, that Calleigh. Dude was shot through the check twice!!! Of course there's an awful lot of blood! Ugh.
So they gather evidence for the next twenty minutes, and then My Future Husband notices that there's a tire track. Well, we all know who the resident tire-track expert is, don't we? But wait, there's a problem. Ryan and Delko are having a little cat fight! Apparently, Ryan left Delko in the water and went on an errand without him. Now, I'm not entirely sure how this constitues a snub, because I would rather just take a shower and get on clean clothes than go running all over Miami-Dade County trying to find H's SUV, but whatever. So Ryan has to swallow his pride and ask Delko for help. Awww---CSI's getting along!!!! How cute!!!!
Back to the murder. They investigate the second IRS Dude's office, and they find *gasp* a shredded check! Well, this implicates the assistant, who admits shredding the check because she wanted to get ahead in the fast-paced world of tax collectors. But she denies planting the poison that the clever CSI's found all over the IRS Guy's office. But wait- it's plant poison! So that leads them to the IRS Guy's tax-evader who owns a nursery. Which is really too bad because he's an adorable guy with two adorable boys. Awww- he can't be guilty.
For some reason (probably to fulfill the weekly kink factor) there's this other suspect with a whore for an ex-wife. But they're on the outs, making both of them suspects. This also allows the CSI's to search the rich guy's Rolls Royce and find- *gasp*- a heel print on ceiling. Gee, I wonder how that got there? *giggle*
Another editorial---How long do your legs have to be to to reach the ceiling ? I hate tall women. So Whore is sleeping with the Tax Guy to make her little problems go away and to get back at her ex-husband. I'm sorry, I just love this. ;) But all is not well. The Nursery guy's little boy is outside the car watching. Like the eight-year-old. Poor baby's scared for life!!!
So then H concludes from little to no evidence that either the Nursery Guy's fifteen-year-old son or the eight-year-old killed the IRS guy. So Seth (older one) confesses. Then Dad flips out and says he's lying to protect him. But then- in the shocker of the year- the eight-year-old (who's name I forgot) says that Seth is lying. He shot IRS dude. *GASP* *THUD* NOT THE LITTLE BOY!!!! He's so cute!!!!!! *GASP AGAIN* Oh, and Seth was the one who poisened the office. But that kind of gets lost when you realize the baby killed the guy!!!! After watching him go at it with the blond whore in the car. *shiver* Scary. Ugh.
I'll do something about The Office when I get home and watch the tape---late for class!!!
Okay, I'd just like to take a moment out for a little editorial. How desperate do you have to be to shoot yourself in the leg? And how stupid do you have to be to just hold the gun down your thigh and shoot? First of all, can't you find something a little bit less important than your leg? You kind of use it a lot. Secondly, you know those clever CSI's are going to figure it out that the gun was fired down your leg and unless you and the IRS guy were pretty cozy (we'll get back to that later *wink wink*), he could not have shot you? Come on, guys, think!!!!
So Mansion Guy pretty much confesses, and I get rather upset. By this time, it's only ten after nine, and I'm settling in for a good evening with corpses. I'm already ticked off because the baseball game pre-emped Friends on TBS and I didn't have anything to watch while I ate dinner. So there'd better be something good coming, or I may retract my desire to give Jerry Bruckheimer my first born.
But not worry- as Mansion Guy is nursing his "wound", Horatio gets a call on his cell phone. There's another murder! And wait- it's another IRS agent! And another bon mot from Horatio! So we pretty much ignore the Mansion Guy vs. Boat Guy story for the rest of the hour. (Hence the unconventional formula) as H, Calleigh, and Ryan (yay!!!) go running across town to deal with this other murder. Once at the scene, Calleigh says something like "An awful lot of blood". She a perceptive one, that Calleigh. Dude was shot through the check twice!!! Of course there's an awful lot of blood! Ugh.
So they gather evidence for the next twenty minutes, and then My Future Husband notices that there's a tire track. Well, we all know who the resident tire-track expert is, don't we? But wait, there's a problem. Ryan and Delko are having a little cat fight! Apparently, Ryan left Delko in the water and went on an errand without him. Now, I'm not entirely sure how this constitues a snub, because I would rather just take a shower and get on clean clothes than go running all over Miami-Dade County trying to find H's SUV, but whatever. So Ryan has to swallow his pride and ask Delko for help. Awww---CSI's getting along!!!! How cute!!!!
Back to the murder. They investigate the second IRS Dude's office, and they find *gasp* a shredded check! Well, this implicates the assistant, who admits shredding the check because she wanted to get ahead in the fast-paced world of tax collectors. But she denies planting the poison that the clever CSI's found all over the IRS Guy's office. But wait- it's plant poison! So that leads them to the IRS Guy's tax-evader who owns a nursery. Which is really too bad because he's an adorable guy with two adorable boys. Awww- he can't be guilty.
For some reason (probably to fulfill the weekly kink factor) there's this other suspect with a whore for an ex-wife. But they're on the outs, making both of them suspects. This also allows the CSI's to search the rich guy's Rolls Royce and find- *gasp*- a heel print on ceiling. Gee, I wonder how that got there? *giggle*
Another editorial---How long do your legs have to be to to reach the ceiling ? I hate tall women. So Whore is sleeping with the Tax Guy to make her little problems go away and to get back at her ex-husband. I'm sorry, I just love this. ;) But all is not well. The Nursery guy's little boy is outside the car watching. Like the eight-year-old. Poor baby's scared for life!!!
So then H concludes from little to no evidence that either the Nursery Guy's fifteen-year-old son or the eight-year-old killed the IRS guy. So Seth (older one) confesses. Then Dad flips out and says he's lying to protect him. But then- in the shocker of the year- the eight-year-old (who's name I forgot) says that Seth is lying. He shot IRS dude. *GASP* *THUD* NOT THE LITTLE BOY!!!! He's so cute!!!!!! *GASP AGAIN* Oh, and Seth was the one who poisened the office. But that kind of gets lost when you realize the baby killed the guy!!!! After watching him go at it with the blond whore in the car. *shiver* Scary. Ugh.
I'll do something about The Office when I get home and watch the tape---late for class!!!
Monday, April 11, 2005
Grey's Anatomy- or why med schools should have an age restriction
I'm really sorry to the two people who actually read this that I haven't put anything up since last Thursday. I have been watching TV, and quite a lot of it, but I haven't really watched anything noteworthy. Well, except CSI: Original last Thursday- which was so shockingly good that I can't even recap it. I mean, when they find a prostate in there...whoa!! But Joey was a rerun, and so was Will and Grace. Although that probably wouldn't have mattered, because that show really lost it's edge when Leo came in. Now they're just dead in the water. And ER was a rerun with Neela whining (as usual) about her job and how she hates being a doctor. Blah, blah, blah... But last night there were some good shows on...so we're moving on...
I did watch Arrested Development last night, and it was actually quite disappointing. Not as funny as the earlier ones. I still don't want it to be cancelled, but they do need to get on the ball with that one. Too much spring break and not enough plot. There was the funny narrator part--- Ron Howards "I'm overworked and underpaid and totally deserve an Emmy for this" speech. And then I watched a couple of minutes of Desperate Housewives, which, while being rather stupid and annoying, is kind of interesting. I think I shall begin watching...
But the main view of the evening was ABC's "Grey's Anatomy". Otherwise known as the show that kicked Boston Legal off the air for six months. Grrr. :( Apparently this is like med school for high-schoolers. There's the barely post-pubescent Pretty Boy who was so important that I forgot his name, Izzie, the beautiful ex-model with inexplicable perfect hair, Christina, the way-older highly competetive one, Alex, the pervy frat-boy, and the star, Meredith, who is kind of crazy also with perfect hair. Actually, I have trouble telling her and Izzie apart except that Izzie has square front teeth. Other than that, they're pretty much twins. And they all live together in an implausibly huge mansion. Uh-huh. It's not like med school is expensive, is it? Anyway, they end up looking like girls at a Catholic boarding school ala "Trouble With Angels", except that they're giving unauthorized transfusions instead of smoking in the nun's chapel. I mean, come on- running from the Chief of Surgery because they might have fudged a little information? You're not in the ninth grade anymore!!!
I did enjoy this episode, though. There's a biker dude (whose name I forgot so he will forthwith be known as "Biker Dude") with a British accent despite the fact that this show takes place somewhere in New York, I think, who is hitting on Meredith and then demanding on leaving the hospital despite the fact that he has a gaping abdominal wound. Meredith reluctantly (with a smile, of course!) agrees, and as Biker Dude leaves he kisses Meredith. But wait- all is not perfect in paradise!! Patrick Dempsey's character (why, by the way, looked good enough for me to dust off my old Sweet Home Alabama DVD---good hair...) sees her!!! And he's not happy!!! No!!! So he bursts into the room, surprising Meredith, who looked way too comfortable sucking face with a patient, and asks (one of my favorite lines ever) "You make out with patients now?" hehehehe...I'm sorry, this just strikes me as funny for some reason. So she mumbles something about the chase or soemthing and you kind of get the feeling that their relationship is rather unresolved. Whatever. The hair was working in the scene. :)
There's a bunch of other story lines going on too, but I had trouble keeping track of them. Pretty Boy has a patient who is being really weird and hitting on him, which wouldn't be so bad except that its a dude. Nasty. So he spends most of the being awkward. Boring. And there's a brain dead guy who hasn't been identified yet, leading Christina and Izzie to fight to keep him alive long enough to become an organ donor. This is funny, because it's Sandra Oh at her bloodthirty best salivating over the possibility of sitting in on an organ harvest surgery. I think she's harboring some resentment over that breakup with the Sideways guy... This story line also gives us the chance to see Izzie having a sweet moment with the brain dead guy. (BTW, who names their daughter Izzie?)
Oooh, and this also gives us the Trouble with Angels-esque moment where Meredith and Christina talk to the head of surgury through the men's room door. And these people have M.D.'s after their names?
So the story goes along for like another hour and finally wraps up with a really gross organ harvest operation (I actually never wanted to see a kidney in a Zip-Loc bag...), and the creepy guy hitting on Pretty Boy isn't really gay- he's just...weird. Gross. Ooooh, and Biker Dude shows up again, this time with blood coming out of his mouth. So Meredith (perceptive one...) pulls up his shirt and you see this gross puffy thing that looks like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens...before the alien popped out of her chest. *shivers* Nasty. But of course they resolve that, and the episode ends with Patrick Dempsey, whose character has nothing to do but leer and firt with Meredith and yet runs around in scrubs all day, having a moment with Meredith. How sweet. Then there's this rather annoying "uplifting" voice-over by Meredith a at the end- you know, stuff like "It's actually all about saving lives...and rainbows are fun!". The last scene is the whole group of sixteen-year-olds---I'm sorry, interns watching surgical tapes and eating pizza. PIZZA???? What the hell is up with that??? Couldn't they think of something less gross to eat? Ew.
All in all, a very solid series, if you like watching the people supposedly saving you're life acting like high-schoolers. And not very mature ones at that. I'll definately watch again---mainly I want to see if Sandra Oh goes crazy and starts killing everybody screaming "Take that Alexander---Sideways would be nothing without me!!!!" :)
I did watch Arrested Development last night, and it was actually quite disappointing. Not as funny as the earlier ones. I still don't want it to be cancelled, but they do need to get on the ball with that one. Too much spring break and not enough plot. There was the funny narrator part--- Ron Howards "I'm overworked and underpaid and totally deserve an Emmy for this" speech. And then I watched a couple of minutes of Desperate Housewives, which, while being rather stupid and annoying, is kind of interesting. I think I shall begin watching...
But the main view of the evening was ABC's "Grey's Anatomy". Otherwise known as the show that kicked Boston Legal off the air for six months. Grrr. :( Apparently this is like med school for high-schoolers. There's the barely post-pubescent Pretty Boy who was so important that I forgot his name, Izzie, the beautiful ex-model with inexplicable perfect hair, Christina, the way-older highly competetive one, Alex, the pervy frat-boy, and the star, Meredith, who is kind of crazy also with perfect hair. Actually, I have trouble telling her and Izzie apart except that Izzie has square front teeth. Other than that, they're pretty much twins. And they all live together in an implausibly huge mansion. Uh-huh. It's not like med school is expensive, is it? Anyway, they end up looking like girls at a Catholic boarding school ala "Trouble With Angels", except that they're giving unauthorized transfusions instead of smoking in the nun's chapel. I mean, come on- running from the Chief of Surgery because they might have fudged a little information? You're not in the ninth grade anymore!!!
I did enjoy this episode, though. There's a biker dude (whose name I forgot so he will forthwith be known as "Biker Dude") with a British accent despite the fact that this show takes place somewhere in New York, I think, who is hitting on Meredith and then demanding on leaving the hospital despite the fact that he has a gaping abdominal wound. Meredith reluctantly (with a smile, of course!) agrees, and as Biker Dude leaves he kisses Meredith. But wait- all is not perfect in paradise!! Patrick Dempsey's character (why, by the way, looked good enough for me to dust off my old Sweet Home Alabama DVD---good hair...) sees her!!! And he's not happy!!! No!!! So he bursts into the room, surprising Meredith, who looked way too comfortable sucking face with a patient, and asks (one of my favorite lines ever) "You make out with patients now?" hehehehe...I'm sorry, this just strikes me as funny for some reason. So she mumbles something about the chase or soemthing and you kind of get the feeling that their relationship is rather unresolved. Whatever. The hair was working in the scene. :)
There's a bunch of other story lines going on too, but I had trouble keeping track of them. Pretty Boy has a patient who is being really weird and hitting on him, which wouldn't be so bad except that its a dude. Nasty. So he spends most of the being awkward. Boring. And there's a brain dead guy who hasn't been identified yet, leading Christina and Izzie to fight to keep him alive long enough to become an organ donor. This is funny, because it's Sandra Oh at her bloodthirty best salivating over the possibility of sitting in on an organ harvest surgery. I think she's harboring some resentment over that breakup with the Sideways guy... This story line also gives us the chance to see Izzie having a sweet moment with the brain dead guy. (BTW, who names their daughter Izzie?)
Oooh, and this also gives us the Trouble with Angels-esque moment where Meredith and Christina talk to the head of surgury through the men's room door. And these people have M.D.'s after their names?
So the story goes along for like another hour and finally wraps up with a really gross organ harvest operation (I actually never wanted to see a kidney in a Zip-Loc bag...), and the creepy guy hitting on Pretty Boy isn't really gay- he's just...weird. Gross. Ooooh, and Biker Dude shows up again, this time with blood coming out of his mouth. So Meredith (perceptive one...) pulls up his shirt and you see this gross puffy thing that looks like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens...before the alien popped out of her chest. *shivers* Nasty. But of course they resolve that, and the episode ends with Patrick Dempsey, whose character has nothing to do but leer and firt with Meredith and yet runs around in scrubs all day, having a moment with Meredith. How sweet. Then there's this rather annoying "uplifting" voice-over by Meredith a at the end- you know, stuff like "It's actually all about saving lives...and rainbows are fun!". The last scene is the whole group of sixteen-year-olds---I'm sorry, interns watching surgical tapes and eating pizza. PIZZA???? What the hell is up with that??? Couldn't they think of something less gross to eat? Ew.
All in all, a very solid series, if you like watching the people supposedly saving you're life acting like high-schoolers. And not very mature ones at that. I'll definately watch again---mainly I want to see if Sandra Oh goes crazy and starts killing everybody screaming "Take that Alexander---Sideways would be nothing without me!!!!" :)
Sunday, April 10, 2005
A Little Note to ABC...
What the hell do you think you're doing?!?!?! I mean, okay, you gave me Lost and Alias and I really do enjoy Hope and Faith even though it's pretty stupid, but why is Boston Legal not coming back until next September???? In favor of Grey's Anatomy, no less???? Boston Legal was amazing---slightly liberally biased, but really, what isn't? It was a beautiful show, with great actors, and great plot lines. And I still get chills when I think about the last five minutes of the last episode about the death penalty...it was that powerful. Now, I'm sure that Grey's Anatomy is pretty good, and I'm fully planning on watching it this evening and writing about it here (shameless self-promotion), but it's not like your schedule is so chock-full of ratings-getters that you can't take something like Extreme Makeover or Supernanny (did you know that FOX already has a show like that?) off for the last few weeks of the season and give us something!! And excuse me, the other networks are wiping up the floor with you on Thursday nights- put this after Jake in Progress which you seem to love so much. Just do something!! I mean, let's face it, if Lost and Desperate Housewives weren't around, you'd be dead. Like bankrupt dead. Even last year, when you had essentially nothing, I stood by you and watched the stupid sitcoms on Tuesday nights and your rather ill-conceived idead of "TGIF". Andn ow you take my show off the air. *sniff* I'm so upset about this, I'm going to post it in both my blogs!! Ha!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Lost, Alias, and CSI:NY Recaps
If you didn't watch these yesterday and don't want to know what happend, obviously don't read down. Pretty self-explanatory. But why weren't you watching them? They're three of the best shows on televison, two of which have been picked up for another season (thank you, ABC!!!), and you should definately be watching. Don't give me a silly excuse like homework, I had it too and I managed to watch!!! Moving on...
NOTE:This is going to be kind of a long one, because there were three shows and two new ones, but I promise it's interesting!!!!
I kind of half-watched "Lost" last night because there was only one TV that wasn't in use, and it was upstairs, and I had to eat. So I kind of missed the beginning, but I don't think it was anything drastic. First of all, this show is getting kind of strange. My bio professor and I were discussing this yesterday (and I pay for this education?) and the whole "glowing space-ship-like hatch" and Blessed Virgin dolls are freaking us out. And does the beginning seem Hitchcockian to anybody? You know, the whole "Lost" thing floating around in darkness with eerie noise in the background? It looks like "Charade" or some movie like that. And I don't think the writers know where they're going anymore. In the beginning it seemed like they had a plot kind of worked out, you know, with the whole pilot-being-sucked-out-of-the-engine thing, but now it's just kind of confusing. ABC has promised that the storyline with Kate and the little plane and one other one (I forget which) will definately be cleared up by the season finale. But you can bet they'll have another cliff-hanger for us that will plauge me for three months while I'm already dealing with the ungodly hot climate I live in...and I'm rambling. I'm just suggesting that the writers rein in the stories a little bit. Moving on to the actual episode...
It opened (I think) with Jack giving Boone a tranfusion of his own (Jack's) blood. I guess somebody on the plane had a blood-typing kit in their luggage, because otherwise this would have been somewhat dangerous. Whatever. Boone's not doing well, and apparently blood is pooling in his leg (probably because of the antibodies attacking Jack's blood. Didn't the writers take a biology course?) Not good. So Jack is faced with the difficult decision of whether to cut off the leg or not. And, for some reason I didn't catch, the Korean woman is with him and (I think) trying to convince him to leave the leg on.
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the island, Claire, Kate, Charlie, and the Korean woman's husband are walking around (also for no apparent reason) and Claire's water breaks. Again, not good. Although I don't know why they're all so darn surprised, she's been eight months pregnant since like October. Charlie, being the attentive sorta-boyfriend, runs off to find Jack. But wait- Jack is busy! Kate must deliver the baby! And Claire must freak out about the baby not loving her because she wanted to give it up for adoption. Kate, who I never saw as having many maternal insticts (maybe because she's spent most of the season skinny-dipping with Sawyer...ew.) gets Claire through her momentary psychosis and delivers the "baby" (at least four months old) and even the Korean dude who beats his wife cracks a smile. Awww!!!!
Somewhere else on the island (how big is this thing?) Shannon and Sayid are making out next to a fire. Don't know how they got there (last week they were "friends"), or how her white tank top stayed so remarkably clean with all the sand, or who started the fire, because they're both pretty much incompentant except he knows how to torture and she can sing in French, but they're there. (By the way, if you ever want to look at Sayid the same way again, don't watch The English Patient. Ew.) I guess Shannon drops the bomb about Boone, and Sayid is surprisingly okay with the fact that the woman he was just kissing has also kissed her brother, but whatever. Maybe the Iraqi sun makes you crazy. Then Shannon says something about not rushing their relationship and Sayid says something about having no expectations. Uh-huh. You're a perfect gentleman, Sayid. *rolls eyes*
Back with Jack and Boone, Jack knows something must be done. *dramtic pause* He decides to cut off Boone's leg- "It's dead" he proclaims. How is a leg dead? A leg is not a living being. The person can be dead, and/or the leg can not serve any function except festering and being a risk for blood clots, but a leg can not be dead. Somebody has got to enroll the writers in Biology 101. Grrr. I guess Boone comes to for a second before Jack starts chopping, because he whispers "Locke" which I'm sure will serve some significance later on in the show *wink wink*. So Jack starts chopping, and the Korean woman looks away, and I'm pretty sure the leg comes of (to be honest, I changed the chanel because I was eating at the time.). But alas, all of Jack's work does not pay off, and Boone dies. Sadness. Unless they're just doing another hallucinogenic drug thing where Locke drugged Jack and we only think he's dead. Hmmm. I doubt they'd trot that out again, though.
About the time this is all happening, the whole baby-posse comes out of the woods with a clean pink baby (how they cleaned it up in the forest? Don't know.) Awww- baby! Everybody oohhs and ahhs over the kid, including Sawyer who may not have a solid stone heart as previously expected. Hmmm. Then the fat guy taps on Jack's shoulder (Jack, by the way, has not seen fit to mention to anyone that Boone has died) and points over to the beach, where Shannon and Sayid are coming back holidng hands and giggling. Ever watched a former Iraqi operative giggle? Nasty. Sad music starts to play as we see Jack tell Shannon about her brother-slash-lover's death while she was rolling around in the sand with Sayid. Shannon is upset, evident by the brilliant crying she does at the end. Boy, that kid's acting school really paid off!!! All kidding aside, it was a really good episode.
Alias was also kind of confusing (actually, I haven't been able to understand it in three years). Apparently, Vaughn's dad was liquified in some sort of Russian torture chamber and now Vaughn needs to find out about this. Why did he wait until he's like thirty-five to do this? Don't know. But we do know that Russians and Germans and pretty much anybody from east of France is Very Bad. This the writers are sure about. They must be watching old tapes of CNN or something, because they haven't gotten the memo that the Cold War has been over for like fifteen years and not all of our villains have to be of eastern-European background. But whatever. It's fun to watch Vaughn speak Russian.
So Vaughn goes to his faithful and slighly thick girlfriend, Sydney, and gets her to help him by keeping this a secret while he figures out what to do. Sydney, however, goes running to Daddy and gets him to give her access to secret spy computor systems. Somehow they have this one word, "nightengale", that's related to Vaughn's dad's death, so Sydney does a little Google search and comes up with a program run-where else?- in Siberia by guys who speak German. Long story short, Vaughn gets upset that Sydney squealed to Daddy, Sydney assures Vaughn that Daddy will keep this a secret (it's not like he's every done anything to betray her trust like, oh, KILL HER MOTHER!!!!), Vaughn stops sniveling and he and Sydney go to Germany where Sydney gets to wear a barmaids uniform and almost kiss a gross old German dude but then kick his ass and get him to give her his computor. In the space of about five seconds. That Sydney can move quickly in fishnets and a short skirt!!! Daddy must be so proud! So Sydney and Vaughn return to the US, where nobody seems to care that they used the forbidden Google search and then went rogue.
But things are not so simple!! See, Daddy has been spilling all this to Sloane (creepy ex-terrorist who had an affair with Mommy). No, Daddy, no!!! It appears that they planned this so Sydney and Vaughn could go traisping all over the former Soviet block and risk their lives so that Sloane and Daddy could stay hom in their cool modern offices with so much glass you wonder what kind of secrets they can keep if they can all see into each other's spaces!!! What, Daddy not immediately think of Sydney's good first? Shocking!
And some weird guy (weird because he has an American and not Russian accent) is calling Vaughn and then drugging him and then telling him that he has information about his father. But he wants this coil thingy first. Well, back Sydney and Vaughn go to Siberia---this time with Daddy in tow for no apparently reason other than that the script required him to be there. They come upon the Russian Torture Chamber that the viewers remember from the beginning of the episode. Right here, you know something is going to go wrong. Of course, Sydney must rush into the chamber to get the coil, and lets the door slam shut behind her or something equally implausible. Meanwhile, Vaughn is doing something with the computor, and Daddy is shooting some Russian guy in the leg because he won't tell him where Yelena Derevkov is. (BTW, if somebody would like to tell me who the heck Yelena Derevkov is, I'd appreciate it!)
So Sydney is stuck in the liquifying room, and there's a countdown of sixty seconds, that somehow takes closer to five minutes to actually conclude. Sydney doesn't know she's about to be liquified, but she does, being so perceptive, know that something bad is going to happen. So she freaks out, and Vaughn does something with the outlet, and Marshall tries to do something with the computor from way back in the US, and Daddy finally hauls off and kills Russian Scientist dude because it's clear he's not going to tell him where this Yelena person is. Instantly switching from cold CIA dude to warm and cuddly dad-mode, Daddy rushs into a radioactive thing to stop the power to the chamber that Sydney is stuck in, saving his daughters life. Awww!!! Vaughn then hits Sydney in the face and takes the coil to go meet the bad American dude, allowing Sydney to go running to Jack going "Daddy, he beat me up and took the coil!!! P.S. I am totally not at fault nor did I know anything about the fact that my boyfriend has just gone rogue." They have a touching Father-Daughter moment where Daddy totally knows what's going on. See? That's why he has level-six clearance!
The episode ended with Daddy feeling kind of woozy from his little trip into the radioactive room, and I'm sure we're going to hear more about his in the future. Yay! Oooh, and ABC announced last week that they rehired Lena Olin to play Sydney's mom---even though she's dead. Hmmm. Must keep watching!!!!!
CSI:NY was a rerun---and not even a very good one. It's the circus thing again. I hate that one. You don't even see enough of Flack in it. And there's nothing about how sweet Mac is- or how obviously Aiden and Danny are meant to be together. And really, the Romeo and Juliet analogy has been done to death. Grrr. At least next week is a new episode. Happiness!!! By the way, when is CBS going to start living up to their promise that this edition is more about the personal relationships between the little CSI people? There hasn't been one romance yet!!! I mean, Mac took Stella to the dog show once, but that was just because he was finishing a case there. (Also, if you're making upwards of ninety-eight thousand dollars a year, you can take the girl someplace where you don't have to walk over dog poop to get to your seats. Come on, Mac.)
I'll post later tonight or tomorrow with stuff about tonight's Joey, Will and Grace, CSI: Original, and ER. Possibly a little Apprentice as well!!!
NOTE:This is going to be kind of a long one, because there were three shows and two new ones, but I promise it's interesting!!!!
I kind of half-watched "Lost" last night because there was only one TV that wasn't in use, and it was upstairs, and I had to eat. So I kind of missed the beginning, but I don't think it was anything drastic. First of all, this show is getting kind of strange. My bio professor and I were discussing this yesterday (and I pay for this education?) and the whole "glowing space-ship-like hatch" and Blessed Virgin dolls are freaking us out. And does the beginning seem Hitchcockian to anybody? You know, the whole "Lost" thing floating around in darkness with eerie noise in the background? It looks like "Charade" or some movie like that. And I don't think the writers know where they're going anymore. In the beginning it seemed like they had a plot kind of worked out, you know, with the whole pilot-being-sucked-out-of-the-engine thing, but now it's just kind of confusing. ABC has promised that the storyline with Kate and the little plane and one other one (I forget which) will definately be cleared up by the season finale. But you can bet they'll have another cliff-hanger for us that will plauge me for three months while I'm already dealing with the ungodly hot climate I live in...and I'm rambling. I'm just suggesting that the writers rein in the stories a little bit. Moving on to the actual episode...
It opened (I think) with Jack giving Boone a tranfusion of his own (Jack's) blood. I guess somebody on the plane had a blood-typing kit in their luggage, because otherwise this would have been somewhat dangerous. Whatever. Boone's not doing well, and apparently blood is pooling in his leg (probably because of the antibodies attacking Jack's blood. Didn't the writers take a biology course?) Not good. So Jack is faced with the difficult decision of whether to cut off the leg or not. And, for some reason I didn't catch, the Korean woman is with him and (I think) trying to convince him to leave the leg on.
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the island, Claire, Kate, Charlie, and the Korean woman's husband are walking around (also for no apparent reason) and Claire's water breaks. Again, not good. Although I don't know why they're all so darn surprised, she's been eight months pregnant since like October. Charlie, being the attentive sorta-boyfriend, runs off to find Jack. But wait- Jack is busy! Kate must deliver the baby! And Claire must freak out about the baby not loving her because she wanted to give it up for adoption. Kate, who I never saw as having many maternal insticts (maybe because she's spent most of the season skinny-dipping with Sawyer...ew.) gets Claire through her momentary psychosis and delivers the "baby" (at least four months old) and even the Korean dude who beats his wife cracks a smile. Awww!!!!
Somewhere else on the island (how big is this thing?) Shannon and Sayid are making out next to a fire. Don't know how they got there (last week they were "friends"), or how her white tank top stayed so remarkably clean with all the sand, or who started the fire, because they're both pretty much incompentant except he knows how to torture and she can sing in French, but they're there. (By the way, if you ever want to look at Sayid the same way again, don't watch The English Patient. Ew.) I guess Shannon drops the bomb about Boone, and Sayid is surprisingly okay with the fact that the woman he was just kissing has also kissed her brother, but whatever. Maybe the Iraqi sun makes you crazy. Then Shannon says something about not rushing their relationship and Sayid says something about having no expectations. Uh-huh. You're a perfect gentleman, Sayid. *rolls eyes*
Back with Jack and Boone, Jack knows something must be done. *dramtic pause* He decides to cut off Boone's leg- "It's dead" he proclaims. How is a leg dead? A leg is not a living being. The person can be dead, and/or the leg can not serve any function except festering and being a risk for blood clots, but a leg can not be dead. Somebody has got to enroll the writers in Biology 101. Grrr. I guess Boone comes to for a second before Jack starts chopping, because he whispers "Locke" which I'm sure will serve some significance later on in the show *wink wink*. So Jack starts chopping, and the Korean woman looks away, and I'm pretty sure the leg comes of (to be honest, I changed the chanel because I was eating at the time.). But alas, all of Jack's work does not pay off, and Boone dies. Sadness. Unless they're just doing another hallucinogenic drug thing where Locke drugged Jack and we only think he's dead. Hmmm. I doubt they'd trot that out again, though.
About the time this is all happening, the whole baby-posse comes out of the woods with a clean pink baby (how they cleaned it up in the forest? Don't know.) Awww- baby! Everybody oohhs and ahhs over the kid, including Sawyer who may not have a solid stone heart as previously expected. Hmmm. Then the fat guy taps on Jack's shoulder (Jack, by the way, has not seen fit to mention to anyone that Boone has died) and points over to the beach, where Shannon and Sayid are coming back holidng hands and giggling. Ever watched a former Iraqi operative giggle? Nasty. Sad music starts to play as we see Jack tell Shannon about her brother-slash-lover's death while she was rolling around in the sand with Sayid. Shannon is upset, evident by the brilliant crying she does at the end. Boy, that kid's acting school really paid off!!! All kidding aside, it was a really good episode.
Alias was also kind of confusing (actually, I haven't been able to understand it in three years). Apparently, Vaughn's dad was liquified in some sort of Russian torture chamber and now Vaughn needs to find out about this. Why did he wait until he's like thirty-five to do this? Don't know. But we do know that Russians and Germans and pretty much anybody from east of France is Very Bad. This the writers are sure about. They must be watching old tapes of CNN or something, because they haven't gotten the memo that the Cold War has been over for like fifteen years and not all of our villains have to be of eastern-European background. But whatever. It's fun to watch Vaughn speak Russian.
So Vaughn goes to his faithful and slighly thick girlfriend, Sydney, and gets her to help him by keeping this a secret while he figures out what to do. Sydney, however, goes running to Daddy and gets him to give her access to secret spy computor systems. Somehow they have this one word, "nightengale", that's related to Vaughn's dad's death, so Sydney does a little Google search and comes up with a program run-where else?- in Siberia by guys who speak German. Long story short, Vaughn gets upset that Sydney squealed to Daddy, Sydney assures Vaughn that Daddy will keep this a secret (it's not like he's every done anything to betray her trust like, oh, KILL HER MOTHER!!!!), Vaughn stops sniveling and he and Sydney go to Germany where Sydney gets to wear a barmaids uniform and almost kiss a gross old German dude but then kick his ass and get him to give her his computor. In the space of about five seconds. That Sydney can move quickly in fishnets and a short skirt!!! Daddy must be so proud! So Sydney and Vaughn return to the US, where nobody seems to care that they used the forbidden Google search and then went rogue.
But things are not so simple!! See, Daddy has been spilling all this to Sloane (creepy ex-terrorist who had an affair with Mommy). No, Daddy, no!!! It appears that they planned this so Sydney and Vaughn could go traisping all over the former Soviet block and risk their lives so that Sloane and Daddy could stay hom in their cool modern offices with so much glass you wonder what kind of secrets they can keep if they can all see into each other's spaces!!! What, Daddy not immediately think of Sydney's good first? Shocking!
And some weird guy (weird because he has an American and not Russian accent) is calling Vaughn and then drugging him and then telling him that he has information about his father. But he wants this coil thingy first. Well, back Sydney and Vaughn go to Siberia---this time with Daddy in tow for no apparently reason other than that the script required him to be there. They come upon the Russian Torture Chamber that the viewers remember from the beginning of the episode. Right here, you know something is going to go wrong. Of course, Sydney must rush into the chamber to get the coil, and lets the door slam shut behind her or something equally implausible. Meanwhile, Vaughn is doing something with the computor, and Daddy is shooting some Russian guy in the leg because he won't tell him where Yelena Derevkov is. (BTW, if somebody would like to tell me who the heck Yelena Derevkov is, I'd appreciate it!)
So Sydney is stuck in the liquifying room, and there's a countdown of sixty seconds, that somehow takes closer to five minutes to actually conclude. Sydney doesn't know she's about to be liquified, but she does, being so perceptive, know that something bad is going to happen. So she freaks out, and Vaughn does something with the outlet, and Marshall tries to do something with the computor from way back in the US, and Daddy finally hauls off and kills Russian Scientist dude because it's clear he's not going to tell him where this Yelena person is. Instantly switching from cold CIA dude to warm and cuddly dad-mode, Daddy rushs into a radioactive thing to stop the power to the chamber that Sydney is stuck in, saving his daughters life. Awww!!! Vaughn then hits Sydney in the face and takes the coil to go meet the bad American dude, allowing Sydney to go running to Jack going "Daddy, he beat me up and took the coil!!! P.S. I am totally not at fault nor did I know anything about the fact that my boyfriend has just gone rogue." They have a touching Father-Daughter moment where Daddy totally knows what's going on. See? That's why he has level-six clearance!
The episode ended with Daddy feeling kind of woozy from his little trip into the radioactive room, and I'm sure we're going to hear more about his in the future. Yay! Oooh, and ABC announced last week that they rehired Lena Olin to play Sydney's mom---even though she's dead. Hmmm. Must keep watching!!!!!
CSI:NY was a rerun---and not even a very good one. It's the circus thing again. I hate that one. You don't even see enough of Flack in it. And there's nothing about how sweet Mac is- or how obviously Aiden and Danny are meant to be together. And really, the Romeo and Juliet analogy has been done to death. Grrr. At least next week is a new episode. Happiness!!! By the way, when is CBS going to start living up to their promise that this edition is more about the personal relationships between the little CSI people? There hasn't been one romance yet!!! I mean, Mac took Stella to the dog show once, but that was just because he was finishing a case there. (Also, if you're making upwards of ninety-eight thousand dollars a year, you can take the girl someplace where you don't have to walk over dog poop to get to your seats. Come on, Mac.)
I'll post later tonight or tomorrow with stuff about tonight's Joey, Will and Grace, CSI: Original, and ER. Possibly a little Apprentice as well!!!
New Blog- explanation
Hey everybody!!! Now, I know you're probably thinking "Wait, Kathleen doesn't have enough of a life for one blog, why did she make a second one???" That's probably true, but whatever little of a life I have, I spend most of it watching television. And it was getting kind of difficult to integrate my thought on the previous nights programming into the random stuff that Ihave on my regular "I'm bored" blog. So this is one that is reserved for my ideas on my favorite television shows (which are now starting to overlap forcing me to buy more and more tapes. Bummer.) I'll update almost daily, because there's usually at least one show that I adore on each night (except maybe Tuesdays. Don't worry, I'll think of something. Isn't there a Law and Order on on Tuesdays?). So keep checking this one!! (I'm trying to figure out how to link it to "I'm bored" (which I'm still using just as much, by the way), but I haven't figured that out yet. As soon as I figure out the template and stuff I'll post a review of last night's shows.
Enjoy!!! :)
Enjoy!!! :)
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