J.J. Abrams is Alive!!!!

Apparently, he has realized that killing off the one character that brings in female viewers just because having him around set makes Jennifer Garner "icky" isn't the smartest thing. Especially when you've moved to a new time slot.

Yes, people, according to the venerable source TV Guide, Michael Vartan will be coming back this season- at least for a couple of episodes. The writers have said that it won't be flashbacks, either, but they won't comment on how they bring him back from the dead. Not that they don't have experience. That's like a monthly plot line on this show. I'm now taking bets on how many people think he was in exile in Russia somewhere...

On to other news, I don't have a scathingly sarcastic review for you right now. Nor will I regularly for a couple of days. Simple reason- Lupe's exhausted. I will be watching plenty of TV, and writing little reviews about what I think of it (Commander in Chief- Brilliant! Except for the balancing the UN with the grape juice on the pleather in the limo...that was slightly contrived). Tonight's pick is Numbers. But it takes a lot of time and energy to do one of my little CSI rants, and frankly, I just need to watch CSI now. Well, that, and I don't really want to write about Miami last week, with the "wive's weekend", where they're all sleeping with the pool boy and occaisionally with each other's husbands... is it just me or has this season really gotten tacky??? This coming Monday's looks good, though.

NY has been good, but the problem is that I've been spending pretty much all of my free time watching the DVDs of season one, and am starting to get the episodes confused. Well, not really, but details are starting to blur. :) This week's episode was good, though.

One question for people: How do we feel about Aiden's departure and the advent of this pretty little thing fro I-o-way (okay, it's Montana. But whatever.)??? I was okay with Aiden leaving, as her hooched out lips were starting to annoy, (and really, how could you stand in the way of Vanessa Ferilito's white-hot screen career???), but I'm not sure that I really like Lindsay. She's too perky. And not really as young as everyone is proclaiming every six minutes on the show. At least Aiden was safe- you knew the only guy she was gonna go near was Danny, and as far as I'm concerned, he's fair game. I'm more protective of Mac; and Flack- don't even get me started. Hands off, bitch- he's mine!!! ;)

So how do we feel??? Should Aiden have stayed? Do we like Lindsay?

Housekeeping Note:

For the three people who read this religiously, and the one person who tries to but doesn't understand about fifty percent of you, I apologize for not updating in an obscenely long time. You all know why. Really, as much as I love TV, when it comes down to watching and reviewing Lost or sitting with a loved one in their time of need, I'm not a bitch. At least not one that big.

Just a few notes~~~

1.) I'm pissed off at the WB. They cancelled Just Legal. After three episodes when it had to compete with Monday Night Football. I really don't think that's fair.

2.) MLB is still intent on ruining my life. When I turned on the television last Monday to watch Arrested Development (with the three other people in this country doing the same...) I found baseball. The same baseball, in fact, that ripped my precious House right out of my hands. Bastards.

3.) New template. Hope you all like it. I need to keep changing. It makes me happy. Live with it.

Anyhoodles, I'll try to get stuff up this week, k???

Grey's Anatomy and Comment Spam

Note: I had to put up a word verification on this blog too, as I'm really tired of random anonymous spammers trying to save my soul. My soul is just fine, thank you very much. How is yours??? Anyhoodles, please keep commenting, you just type in the word shown below where you sign in. Thank you!!!

So last night I watched Grey's Anatomy for the first time this season. I have been keepingup to date with it via a friend whose life revolves around Sunday nights on ABC, but I digress. Apparently, Cristina decided that abortion was bad, and broke up with Burke, Shephard's wife came back and is being annoyingly sweet to Meredith, who is up to her ears in crap because her mom needed care and came to Seattle General. Yeah, there's nothing like actually having to deal with a sick parent, is there, Meredith???

In last nights episode of the Young and the Brilliant, they think Meredith's mom has cancer. Actually, Meredith hopes she does because then things would be over quickly. This is our heroine??? She sleeps with a married guy and then wishes her mother will die more quickly??? Wow, it makes those hos on Desperate Housewives look nice!!!

And Cristina had some trouble and ended up bleeding out of her fallopian tube, where the baby implanted itself. And baby dies. Kind of a bummer. But Burke came back to see her. The most annoying part was when they were all sitting in Cristina's room and that awful voiceover starts with Meredith saying something inspirational like "You're gonna fall. But you'll be able to have your friends get you up again or something crappy like that...the woman lost her baby! You don't use your friends to get back from that!!! Sheesh.

Anyhoodles, still a guilty pleasure that I undoubtedly will keep watching, but they must lose the voiceover!!!

Will have CSI: Miami stuff up tomorrow...

J.J. Abrams is Dead to Me

They killed Vaughn. Insert knife here.

I'm trying to convince myself that nobody ever dies on Alias, they just go to live in Russia and be bad, but still. This is looking serious. And Michael Vartan is looking for work. *gasp* Okay, Jennifer Garner is dead to me. To quote that woman from EW "If you kill Vaughn because having him around the set makes you feel all icky, then you've lost my respect." Or something like that.

I just keep repeating to myself "No one dies on Alias. No one dies on Alias. No one dies on Alias." It's not working.

Check my other blog for a hilarious Alias list.

Commander In Chief

Week one of House-deprevation. Not doing well. Managed to survive. Still hate baseball's guts. Moving on...

CSI: Miami kind of sucked this week, essentially ripping off the Natalee Holloway case. Which I thought was in poor taste, even for the CSIs... And I can't parody a dead student story. That's just wrong. So we're gonna wait until next week for this one, okay???

I started watching Just Legal on Monday nights as well...now, please, don't let the fact that it's on the WB dissuade you from watching it. It is a real show, and it's on Mondays at 8 central. And, even though he's put on like a hundred pounds, Don Johnson still looks good. That said, it's a really interesting show! I'm even going to stop watching Two and a Half Men for it!! And, as it averages only three million viewers per week (that's like a tenth of the seasons big shows, just so you know...), we need to start watching this!!! And Arrested Development, dammit!!! If Charlize Theron is on there and you people still won't watch, there's not much I can do, now, is there??? Ahem, sorry, got off track there for a minute. Seriously, folks, the buzz going around is that it's going to be canceled, like Head Cases, after a couple of episodes. Which would suck. So please start watching. I'm begging now. And Arrested Development. That's Mondays at 7.

ANyhoodles, on to the title of the post...with the abscense of House last night, I had an opportunity to watch te ABC show Commander in Chief. Surprisingly, it was quite good. And I'm not one of those "Get a woman in here and the coutnry will be saved" people, so this is quite a stretch for me. But I can see why they picked Geena Davis to play the role. She's gigantic, and imposing, but she's got a huge mouth, which people seem to find comforting (one critic said he looked forward with anticipation to the Jolie administration...). Seriously, think of any woman with a big mouth. Do you like her??? I'll bet you do. I could totally see Blair or Putin being like "Okay, fine, we'll do whatever you want...just don't hurt us, please."

Anyhoodles, she's an independent. Well, isn't that non-partisen for you. Except that all the bad guys are repulicans. Huh. Wonder how that happened??? :p

I mean, the episode was kind of stupid. Makenzie's daughter lost her diary in the move into the White House. Ooooh, and it's got stuff about mom in it. Bummer, huh? But all is well, as the little one (who was so important I forgot her name) simply got it by mistake and proceeded to read the whole thing. Huh. So Makenzie has to be both mom and president and tell the little girl that the diary was Rebecca's private journal, and she shouldn't read it. Awwww....

So yeah, a pretty good series, although her thoughtless "I'm so perfect that I'm practically forcing this guy who hates my guts to be the vice president simply because I think it would be best for the country" is kind of annoying. Except I almost felt patriotic when she went "Tell him his commander-in-chief is calling." Almost. I'll probably watch it for the next couple weeks until House comes back on and then reevaluate it. But people should definately watch...

And then Boston Legal was on, but I didn't really watch it because I was too busy drinking most of my father's drink. Because whenever you have a choice between a manhatten or a tv show, guess what's gonna win???

BTW, I'm not sure I'll have stuff up about the rest of the week's viewing, as I have an incredibly busy weekend coming up. Maybe, because one of my classes is cancelled on Friday, so I'll have an extra hour. But don't count on it. I'll try to get a CSI: NY thing up at some point, though. EVERYBODY MUST WATCH TONIGHT---SOMEBODY'S LEAVING THE SHOW. If it's Flack, we should all send hate letters to CBS, ok???

No Internet Access

This time, it's not cable's fault. I don't have a modem until later tonight. As a result, the only stuff I can put up I have to do at school. And, as I have a law exam that I am going to fail and thus feel the need to study for during my break, you won't be getting anything. And I don't have time to finish the CSI: NY review from last night. But expect a better one next week, k???

This also means that there will be no Alias review. Long story short- Vaughn's not really bad, Sydney's pregnant, and they're running around the world. Big whup. Aside from baby, this is kind of the way that the last four seasons have gone.

So read the rest of the stuff and I'll try to get something up on tonight's stuff tomorrow. Ciao!!!

CSI: NY---YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been waiting since May 19th for a new episode---this has been the longest summer of my life!!!! Wow, I really need some real people in my life...First, I'll get a couple of other shows out of the way...

Boston Legal on Tuesday was fantastic. I really hope it does well this season without Desperate Housewives as a lead-in, because it's so great. Again, funny show, so there's not much I can say about it. Everybody must watch!!!

And Lost was last night, too. However, unlike last week's episode, this one did not deliver like Dominos. They didn't show anything new, except on the raft, and I'm not that into that part. They took you through what happened between when Kate got pulled down into the shaft and when Jack arrived, which didn't involve a whole lot except a really old computor and more of Mama Cass. Whatever. Oh, and there's some kind of weird clock that turns back when you punch in THE numbers. And Desmond has been there way too long for him to have run into Jack on the tour de stade, so this is rather confusing. Oh, and Kate's stuck in a duct.

Meanwhile, on the raft, Walt really is kidnapped, and Sawyer and Mike have a little hissy fight, and end up being carried back to the island where they find Jin tied up on the shore screaming about udders. They realize that this means "Others" just before the credits roll. Damn them. I just have more questions from this episode, no answers. Grrrr.

The main view of the evening was, of course, CSI:NY. Thankfully, I have a feeling that Flack will not be the one to leave at the end of the next episode. Which is good, because he is my Reason To Watch. He did however, get a hair cut. Damn. As Imladris put it, "Caeser died two thousand years ago, and so did that style." *shivers* I'm really hoping it will grow out though. Anyhoodles, this was quite a good episode, with Stella lightening her hair and wearing even fewer clothes than last season. I don't think she's handling Mac moving on well... Hawkes is getting out of the morgue a little bit more, and in thus bringing his gallows humor more front and center. Ew. Danny lightened his hair, too, but unfortunately Aiden is falsifying evidence and will probably be given the boot next week. Which could be why she's the only one who didn't get new shots for hte opening. Good episode, and expect a full review of next weeks, okay???

House

Note: You can see what I think of FOX, and the MLB, and everyone who ever thought throwing a ball around constituted fun on my other blog, linked on the sidebar. Grrr.

I planned on watching Commander-in-Chief last night on ABC, because it looked semi-interesting, and I'm a sucker for anything presdential (I even sit through The West Wing). However, when it comes down to a viewing decision between Mr. Little and Mrs. Little, guess who's gonna win??? However, due to the abovementioned note, I'll have plenty of free time on Tuesdays for the next five weeks, so expect something next week, k???

Yeah, I watched House last night. It was friggin' awesome. I love this show. It should play for twenty years. Hugh Laurie should have won the Emmy. It's amazing.

In this episode, Cuddy's handyman falls off her roof after she made him go up there even though he has asthma. And then he gets gangrene in his hand and a bunch of other stuff happens that's too complicated to desribe. And it was all so well-written I can't even parody it.

It was a hilarious episode, though. When they break into Cuddy's house, and House jumps on her bed, or the "She uses super-tampons. What does that mean?" line??? HAHAHAHAHA!!!

But the best part was that Wilson was in the entire episode- almost every shot. Now, this would not be an abnormal occurence, except that they never even thought for one minute that the guy had cancer. They had absolutely no need for an oncologist whatsoever, and yet he was there all the time. Just hanging around. I want to work there. It seems like so much fun!!! I'd tell everybody to watch it, except it'd not going to be on for thirty-five days. And I can't tell you to buy the DVD because I don't want anybody supporting them finacially. But come November 1st, everybody had better be there with bells on!!!!

I have to get to class now, but I'll have a Boston Legal one up when I get home. :)

CSI: Miami: Don't Trust Your Yacht Club

Oh, this was an awsome episode. Way more normal that last week's "Let's just get ticked off at the mob" theme. This one had a pretty girl being mauled, slightly shifty parents, a tall, rather nordic looking blond guy, an actual Nordic guy, and a foreign guy working in a mansion. And lest we begin to think that people behave normally when it comes to their hormones, CSI is here to remind us that incest does still happen. Ahhh....to be home again!!!!

This episode opened on a yacht that cost more than my house. There was an explosion. Preternaturally pretty daughter Julie flips out and gets ready to jump over the side. Preternaturally pretty Mom goes crazy because there are sharks in the water. Preternaturally pretty Dad is running from help. Bastard. Julie doesn't listen to Mom, and jumps in the water. She floats for all of three seconds before being yanked under. This is when preternaturally pretty son Luke goes against every single Girl Scout guide you can find and jumps in after her. Stupid, stupid Luke. Anyhoodles, they both disappear and there's this inexplicable rush of bloody water to the surface (kind of looked like the sharks got ill from the hair gel and lip gloss and threw up) before Julie's mangled life vest floats up.

Ouch.

Luckily, the slightly less attractive CSI's are all there to help. (This also is not expained. There is no reason for them to be there yet. This was not a homicide, it was a case of a fire on a boat and a shark ate her. Unless, as my father suggested, they were going to arrest the shark, there is nothing they could do. Do you think they have some kind of ESP or something to tell them that this case will end up being a murder???) And they all have their little jobs to do.

Delko goes diving for the body (is he the only one who has a wet suit??? And why is he down there alone???), Calleigh and Ryan go to process the scene, and H goes to interrogate the owner of the salvaging ship who tried to help but still would have demanded 500 k.

In the real world, this guy would be arrested. He's rude, shifty, was trying to rob the family, and looks like he smells. Oh, and he moved the bouy that caused the yacht to run aground starting the fire in the first place. This sounds like either second degree manslaughter, negligent homicide, or even felony murder to me. But, of course, he can have nothing to do with it. It's only quarter after nine.

Thankfully, Calleigh and Ryan are getting somewhere. They find the son's bong filled with cooking lighter fluid, which caused the explosion. Hmmm. Methinks something is not right here. I'm no drug expert, but I'm fairly certain it's not supposed to do that.

Unfortunately, before they can use there quota of little white gloves and q-tips, the boat starts to sink, and Calleigh and Ryan have to "run and shoot".... uh-huh, those pictures should turn out well...

Meanwhile, Island Delko (better than molesting-some-poor-girl-against-a-wall-because-he-couldn't-get-over-Speedle's-death Delko we were treated to last season...) has found a body. Then they (ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww) cut off his finger and fingerprint it. Of course, this cannot be the son, but rather some exchange student from Norway. Bummer, huh. Delko still can't find a razor.

Before they even get a chance to dry out, Calleigh and Ryan go investigate the unbelievably rich family that Exchange Student worked for. Sure enough, there's a big red stain on the floor. Tia, another preternaturally pretty whore, flips out and starts crying.

I say we start the investigation with her. She's too pretty to not have something to do with this.

Anyhoodles, a lot happens really quickly. 10 mil in gold gets stolen from Rich Family, Calleigh and Ryan find a casing (yay!!!), and Luke Gannon (the son) shows up alive and well on the aformentioned salvage ship. This guy still has nothing to do with it. Somehow they get figure out that Exchange Student's body must have been on the yacht before the explosion, and that gets Horatio suspicious. Like a good little CSI (except he never wears the coat), he investigates.

Turns out Dad and the kids have rap sheets longer than my arm. Mom is an innocent bystander.They used her (shocker of shockers) to gain access to the Yacht club so that they could steal the $10 mil. Oh, and they killed her husband. Which, by this point, gets kind of lost in the shuffle. Ironically.

And, just as I suspected, Tia has something to add to the investigation. (See, told ya.) She and Luke used to go out, but then she found him in bed with Julie (his sister). EWWWWWWWW. Excuse me for a moment while I go wash my brain out with hydrogen peroxide. *shivers*

However, Tia doens't have the whole story. Luke and Julie aren't sister and brother. This does little to appease slightly sick feeling I still have. And they're not kids. They're like thirty. But whatever. And Julie shot Exchange Student, but Luke was there. If Julie were alive, they'd definately be taken away for felony murder.

So Dad and Luke get taken away, and Julie is presumably dead, even though we never found her body, and Horatio gets to look out into the sunset with poor, broken Mom, who is going on and on and on about how she just wanted a family. Horatio, with his best I'm-going-to-take-care-of-you-ma'am look (you know, the one he uses with little abuse victims and the like) says, "I think that is what everybody wants, a family." Except he just put his last chance for one on a plane ala-Casablanca at the end of last season. *tear* But then we see Horatio watching every single CSI, who happen to be walking down the same corridor at the exact same time for the story's sake, and you see that it dawns on him that he really does have a family... awwwww!!!!!!

So what did we learn this week??? Don't go to your yacht club's single dances. You'll end up burned (literally..HAHAHAHA).

Supernanny

Note: I changed the template again. The last one wasn't working for me. I'll probably be experimenting for awhile...

Wow, I have a new favorite show. This show is awesome. I tuned in because I though (stupidly) that ABC was running all of their season premieres in one week (I must learn not to trust the alphabet network...), and wanted to see Hope and Faith, as much as it kills me to admit it. But, alas, ABC was toying with my affections again, and had this show on instead.

Last season, I contemplated watching it, but the woman annoyed me too much. I figured she was too Mary Poppins to suceed on network tv. And I was right. This season, it's the same woman, but suddenly she is out of those awful ill-fitting suits and into cute clothes, with her hair down and styled as opposed to the bun that seemed like the epitome of British restraint. In the words of Captain Norrington "This is some very restrained acting right here..." She's actually quite pretty. And bigger than me. I love that about women on TV.

But she's still Supernanny!!! Although what made her an authority on the subject, I have no idea, as she's single and not a mother. It's a lot easier to deal with children when you...don't actually have to deal with them...yeah...who hired her???

Anyhoodles, this week she was helping some poor family with two daughters, one of whom was developmentally disabled, and a little boy. Oh, and a father that resolved his issues with a "firm tap"...or a whack. Whatever you want to call it. I'm seeing little Julius ending up in juvie for "firmly tapping" the hell out of his girlfriend...

But that's not the point. The mom really wanted Jo there. And the Dad really didn't. The mom paid attention and followed Jo's instructions, or "techniques", even if they took hours. Dad groused for the half hour he actually did work, and then watched TV. All while Jo sat in their bedroom looking quite comfortable going "Now, mum, you must follow the bedtime technique...Dad, where are you going?"

I think Mom and Dad have some problems that Jo cannot help them with. Unless she has a masters in couples therapy.

So poor mom would haul her ass out into the hallway and drag whatever spawn of her love had crawled out of his/her room back to bed while Dad was like "This is totally bs." Well, he didn't really say that, although I wouldn't be surprised if ABC just edited it out, but you could totally tell that's what he was thinking. That and "Why the hell is there a British nanny in my bedroom???"

Ooooh, and the naughty chair. One cannot express in writing how absolutely ridiculous this sounded. Just can't. But it did. I guess it worked, though, because little Julius stopped throwing the naughty chair after about fifteen times. Hehehehe...that part was funny.

Anyhoodles, this is a rather addicting show, and as it's up against absolutely nothing of interest (that I could find...correct me if I'm wrong) I would suggest watching. Fridays at 7.

Lots of TV tomorrow and Tuesday nights, so expect frequent updates...

CSI! CSI! OMG, CSI! And other shows...

Yes, it was the season premiere of CSI: Original last night... a long-awaited night for many in my household. Unfortunately, I cannot seem to get into that show. No matter how hard I try. I know it's the best from an artistic standpoint of the three, and the characters and stories are great, and just the fact that it's set in Vegas is enough to ensure lifelong viewership from certain members of my family, but I just can't get into it. This is strange, as I arguably spend more time thinking/talking about the other CSI characters than the actual people in my life, but I digress.

Hysterical Breaking News Flash: Warrick got married!!!!! "What?!?!??!" you say? I know, I did too!!! Shocking. This is so going to hurt his relationship with Catherine...why is Jerry Bruckheimer intent on screwing up all of my CSI's relationships????? Cases in point: Mac spent the summer with some whore, and Yelena did a Casablanca and ended up in the Caribbean with "dead" Ray. The bastard. And now this!!! I don't know what to believe in anymore!!!
End Hysterical Breaking News Flash.

I did, however, watch most of it. I didn't really get it. I know somebody died with a skank in bed in a trailer park (what else is new???) and then sombody drove a car through the "house" and killed them. I don't get it. And then there was this car that they found that had been sitting out in the heat for six days...with two dead bodies in the trunk. Yeah, you know that one's not going to be pretty. Grissom suggested a "car condom" to transport the car back to the lab. Thank you, Grissom. That was lovely. I really needed to know that.

Yeah, I stopped watching towards the end, so I don't know what happened. But I do know that is was darn near impossible to parody. Talk to Imladris if you want to know the ending.

I do, however, have some gossip, from the venerable source TV Guide---

*SPOILERS*

Supposedly, there's the one case in a couple of episodes that takes Greg, Grissom, and Sara to another city. And Greg and Grissom share a room. But Greg snores. So Grissom goes and spends the night with Sara. (!!!!!!!!!)

Morality Note: I don't condone this.

Omigosh!!!!! The juiciness of it all!!!! :D:D:D:D Now, supposedly nothing happens, but still!!! Not to mention Sara's been having fantasies about this since Day 1. I even know that, and I've seen like three episodes.

*END SPOILERS*

I watched some other shows last night, too. Like I've stated before, I'll watch almost anything once. The most promising was "Everbody Hates Chris", on UPN at seven. Normally, I would have watched Joey, but I can't stomach him and Alex as a couple. *shivers* And it's not nearly as funny as last year (which is saying something, because it wasn't that funny last year!!!).

But that was amazing. I was laughing the entire half hour. "School shootings are like rock and roll, something that black men invented and white men stole." I'm still laughing!!! Oh, and "The principal did something with a little girl that we are not allowed to mention because of network censors. But if the principal moves to your neighborhood, you'll get a notice." HAHAHAHA

Despite the fact that it's on UPN, the network the other networks try to avoid in the hallways and never admit to knowing so that it's forced to sit with the WB and all those gorgeous, moody teens at lunch, this is definately one of the most promising new shows I've seen this season. Everyone should watch!!!

ER was on last night, too. I watched most of it, but it's kind of losing it's edge. I still like it because of Kovac (or my predisposition for recently formed eastern European nations), and they made some strong moves with putting those new interns in, but it'll never get back what it lost with Carter. Even if John Stamos joins the cast. Pretty much Sam and Luka ran around midwest looking for Alex. And then inexplicably ended up in a prison. Where Sam told Luka she didn't want to have more children (why????? He's like the best genetic speciman you could get!!!!) and I think they broke up. But I'm not sure. I'll watch next week, I promise.

So yeah, that was pretty much all I watched last night. Boring, I know. There's nothing on on Friday nights, and I'm going to a movie tonight, so I probably won't have anything up tomorrow. We'll see, though. :)

CSI: Miami and Lost

Note: I hate CBS. Possibly more than I hated ABC when they took Boston Legal off the air (I know it's been nine months, let me be bitter, okay???). Definately more than I hated the cable company when the cable went out and they neglected to fix it before the season premiere of House, and that is difficult. Because Presiden't Bush's speech last Thursday preempted the repeat of the CSI finale, they reran it last night, instead of a new CSI: New York episode. Otherwise known as the show I've been waiting since May 19th for!!! I hate them. I may have to retract my offer to give Jerry Bruckheimer my firstborn. I'm that upset. >:( Moving on...

Housekeeping (Not Angry At Network) Note: Rather than do a whole bunch of entries on every single show that I've watched in the past three days, thus wasting your time and mine, I'm just going to deal with them all at once. Thanks!!!

It's a new season!!! I'm so friggin' happy for me!!! And let me tell you, my shows so far have delivered like Dominos!!! :D Of course, due to the abovementioned knife in my heart, I've only had two major premieres so far- Lost and CSI: Miami. I'll deal with those first, and then run down the list of other shows I've tried this week. Oh, and there was a new episode of House that I want to touch on, too.

CSI: Miami:

Good Side: This show is making strides towards becoming a regular drama, with less individualized cases and more time spent on the actual people involved. Obviously, when you arguably spend more time with these fake people than the real ones in your life, this is a Good Thing. However, there is a...

Bad Side: The absence of laughably succinct cases makes it incredibly hard to write sarcastically about the episodes. I can't joke about a woman being raped and then losing the baby she was carrying. That's just sad!!!

(Also, in a remarkably un-CSI-like turn, they did not explain in painful, slightly disturbing, ages14-and-up-please detail exactly how being raped caused the poor woman to lose the baby. I found it refreshing, because really, we can all figure this out. Maybe they'll stop having a weekly bondage crime, too!)

Anyhoodles, this episode was amazing. It opened with Horatio confessing to some cardinal from New York ("Did you talk to Mac, Father??? He's in pain over the death of his wife and the fact that he went out with a whore who picks up guys at crime scenes. He needs your guidance!!!" Sorry...) that he's got blood on his hands. The cardinal seems quite familiar with this, and, as we know from TV Guide (*SPOILERS*), it's becuase Horatio killed a woman a long time ago. So the cardinal comforts him and then gives him a kind of weird explanation of penance that I kind of don't agree with but am not going to get into because it's pointless.

Anyhoodles, they never make it to abosolution, as there's a shooting in the cemetary outside the cathedral, and H has go run out and help. Some crazy has jumped out of the coffin and started mowing down mourners!!! H is outraged. As we quickly find out, this is the doings of the Mala Noche, who will be playing the part of Bad Guy all season, apparently. Interesting.

This is when we get to meet all of the CSIs who are back for another season in a rather long, somewhat tiresom slow-motion thingy. Calleigh's back!!! I totally knew it, but it was comforting to know for sure. I'm never sure when TV Guide's spoilers are reliable. And Delko's got a beard!!!!! Not a good look, btw.

Ryan is slowly morphing into Don Johnson. With a bad haircut. At least he seems to be playing nicely with the other little CSIs now.

And they all band together to do not much of anything the whole episode. Poor Used-to-be-Pregnant Woman was left out to be beaten up and raped by the Mala Noche while her employer/baby daddy runs and hides in the panic room with his perfect wife and 2.5 children (hehehe, literally!!!!). Bastard. Horatio yells at him for this.

Horatio: "Do you provide health insurence for your staff?
Bastard: "No."
Horatio: "You do now. You're paying for her hospital stay."
Bastard: "*is speechless, but presumably pays*"

So yeah, this wasn't a terribly procedureal episode, with two crimes that probably but not necessarily link up within the last fifteen minutes where the victim is always twenty-five, beautiful, thin, and probably engaging in risky sexual behavior, and the person who owned the murder weapon, the property where the victim was found, and had a significant reason to want her dead (it's always a her) is innocent. :) Still shockingly good, though. And next week's looks somewhat more par for the course, so we'll see about a funny review then.

Lost

Oh my freakin' gosh. It's been eighteen hours and I'm still speechless. And breathless. And counting the days desperately until next Wednesday. I missed the first few moments, as I had a family funeral to attend and can only run so fast from the car to the couch in high heels. But that's okay. The meat of the episode was after the first commerical.

Shannon and Sayid are taking a break from doing nothing but each other and are now just doing...nothing, apparently. Oh, except Shannon lost the dog, and is feeling badly because she won't exactly be able to explain to poor little Walt that she was distracted by the Iraqi militant that she was rolling around in the sand with and lost track of the thing. So she goes looking for the dog, and instead finds Walt- who whipsers (like the Others? Get it?) and disappears when her paramour arrives. Bummer, huh.

Side Note: Do you know that it is fundamentlaly impossible to yell in surprise in an accent other than your own? Seriously, watch any show where somebody is using an accent other than their native one. I've noticed this on House and now on Lost, too. When Sayid exclaims in surprise, he ceases to sound Iraqi, he sounds British. When House is surprised, he sounds British too, not American like in the rest of the show. Kind of funny, when you think about it.

And Kate and Jack and Locke (whose name I cannot figure out. They would not have named him after the philospher/political scientist/guy whose ideas were stolen by Thomas Jefferson when he wrote the Declaration of Independence, thus giving us our concept of democracy if it wasn't important. If anybody has any ideas on this, please let me know, because it's killing me) have opened the Hatch, and discovered that on the inside is a little world, where this weird guy who met Jack once before the crash lives (who called it???) with a weird song blasting. Huh. This has given me enough to think about for the coming week.

And Hurley won $114 million dollars playing the lottery with the numbers that are all over the show. Freaky, huh??? This single episode was better than all of last season. Only six more days!!!!!!!!

House

House: "Maybe she escapes by having fantasies about older men with great hair."
Chase: *knows he just broke like every single child protection law in the state of New Jersey and therefore shuts the hell up*
House: You did it, didn't you???
Chase: "It wasn't sick- it was one kiss for a dying girl."
Cameron: *freaks out*
House :*rolls eyes* [to Cameron] "Go see if she's been molested."
Cameron: [muffled, as she still has her hands clamped over her mouth] "Okay."
House: "See, this is exactly why you can't touch my markers!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...this was on Tuesday night and I'm still laughing. Okay, you kind of had to be there.

Keep checking for new updates and possibly a new format...not sure yet.

Maybe this will work...

...just seeing if putting another post up will push my last one up and actually let it be shown...

Hooking Up

It's summer. And there's nothing on. You know it's bad when the whole country is transfixed by Dancing With the Stars, and utterly devestated when That Guy From Seinfeld loses (otherwise known in entertainment circles, which I do not claim to be a part of, as John You-Should-Have Won O'Hurley). This is evident by the fact that ABC is running a six-part documentary/newsmagazine/reality show on Thursday nights called "Hooking Up", chronicalling the exploits of eleven single women in New York who internet date. And even more evident by the fact that I watched it.

Okay, I wouldn't normally have. But this blog has been hopelessly bereft since school and the regular programming ended, and I felt that, like a good mother, I had to watch something to comment on. And, despite my earlier comments, I actually watched only one episode of Dancing With the Stars, but the site of Joey McIntyre being flipped by some woman was enough to keep me in stiches for weeks!!! :D Oh, and TBS was having some boring baseball game instead of Friends reruns, and I had nothing else to do. Sadness.

Yeah, it was kind of scary. Okay, really scary. Enough to make me want to move to India just for the arranged marriages. Now, I have hardly been around long enough to be "exhausted with the dating world" as everybody claims that they are, but just and hour of watching the awkward conversation and "So where do you see this going?" stuff for what ends up being a totally fruitless relationship (half the women broke up with the guys, and the other half were deciding between two equally boring and disgusting guys) was enough to make me wish that there was some way you could just jump to the part of the relationship where you know the person enough to not have to sit awkwardly next to him/her on the sofa and watch a movie. You know, the part where you can say, "I'm planning on watching a movie tonight. If you would like to accompany me, shut up and bring me popcorn." That's what I think would be great in a relationship.

And then just the pitiful selection of men on the show was enough to make me consider a religious vocation. Or maybe it was just the stupidity of the women involved. Okay, really just one women- Sonya. The others actually appeared to be quite nice and just a little bit out of their league with the whole internet dating thing. They were way too normal. The one I did identify with was the one who dumped the guy because he wasn't marriage material and then broke out the Pillsbury cookies. She was real.

But anyway, this Sonya woman goes out on her first date of the show, with this slimeball male chauvanist pig that even I could tell was trouble and I was watching it on television. So they're sitting there drinking (which, btw, I don't think is a Great Idea on the first date. Personally, I would want all of my faculties available when deciding whether or not to continue with the relationship, but whatever) and Slimeball asks the young lady if she ever kisses on the first date. Sonya shrugs and says he'd had to find out. So Slimeball takes this as an invitation to start sucking her face off. And Sonya lets him!!!! And then she GOES HOME WITH HIM---but with the promise that he "behave". Excuse me, Sonya, what part of Life 101 did you miss? You go home with a guy you met on the INTERNET who just came this close to molesting you in the bar and you want him to behave? Like he wants to show you family pictures. There is no happy ending to this!!! So they're sitting on the couch making out and whatever (honestly, I started flipping back and forth between this and Just Married on FX) and then he tries to take her shirt off, but can't because she has it safety-pinned closed. She called it her security measure.

You know what also works, Sonya? Not going home with him!!!!!! Sheesh. I think it's safe to say that Mensa was never calling for this particular chick. Ugh. This is why the biggest killer of pregnant women is the father of their babies---because some women are so stupid!!!!

So yeah, and intersting and rather disheartening show in general. But I do hope that the born-again virgin finds somebody, because she seemed really nice, and just watching what kind of CSI-esque situation Sonya finds herself in will be enough to bring many viewers back. I'm not sure---I'll see what's on TBS...

Cleveland TV...

...sucks. At least the chanels they give you at this damn hotel. Half of our shows are in Arabic, and let me tell you, Iranian sitcoms- not so funny. Oddly enough, there aren't a whole lot of women characters... And then we have the music video chanel that sounds like some sort of language derived from Russian. Romanian? Albanian? Hungarian? I known it's not Polish or Ukrainian, but other than that, I'm not sure... I really miss my own TV stations!!!!

Just an update...

I've been kind of busy doing nothing this summer, and feel as though I neglected this blog. Sadness. The shouting comment from Imladris last week was enough to make me at least post this...

I kind of forgot what happened in CSI:Miami at the end of the season, but suffice to say that the knife that was inserted into my chest when Mac left Stella to cry into her tv dinner was twisted when Horatio LET YELENA GET ON THE PLANE WITH RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! What kind of bastard lets his wife and child think he's dead??????? NOT a nice one!!!! And this so ruins the plans of having Horatio and Yelana get together, even though she dumped the abusive DA. Grrr. Why does nobody listen to me?????

Anyhoo, this is how we're going to be doing things for the summer. If it's a particularly good episode of one of my "school year shows" (such as any of the CSIs) that I haven't already reviewed, then I'll post it here. Otherwise I'll just put up random stuff on the crappy TV that the networks give us during the summer. At least it will be interesting. :)

CSI:NY- Season Finale *sob*

*tear* NO!!! They can't take this away from me!!! Please, Mr. Bruckheimer, I have so little in my life- at least let me keep my little fake friends with me during the summer! *tear* Okay, calming down...at least it will be in reruns, and CBS announced on Thursday that they were renewing it for another season, which is wonderful and totally deserved, because it really is getting better.

Okay, so I knew it was coming. The season had to end at some point, and it is almost the end of May, but I wasn't ready for it! I'm going to miss them- even Collogen Lips, because she was good for a laugh occasionsly. *sigh* But the season finale really was quite good, except for a little romantic rendezvous that we shall discuss later.

The story, in a nutshell, is that Mac is at his local coffee shop being hit on by some whore when some guy pulls a gun and starts shooting, killing one man and wounding the waitress. Mac decides to stay and help Amy, the waitress, rather than run after the shooter, because he is a kind, caring individual who would never be happy in a relationship with a woman who picks up guys at crime scenes. Amy's okay, but you know that she's got something to do with this because they pay way too much attention to her for just a waitress. Turns out the guy who was shot was wearing a wire, and working with the NYPD to catch somebody. But things went wrong when they saw Mac there, and for some reason the bad guy started shooting instead. I don't know, I was kind of distracted by Stella's cleavage that was being revealed by the minute as she got more and more desperate. But I digress...

Then the shooter was caught, but the Feds let him go, because clearly he had something more important to do for them, but he ended up getting shot anyway. At first they thought that Amy's brother did it, because the gun that killed Bad Guy was registered to him. And he was shifty looking. However, this is tantamount your release papers in CSI world, because clearly the guy who owned the gun could not have used it to kill somebody. That would be too easy. Then they discovered that, in her infinite teenage-girl wisdom, Amy had given the gun to her new boyfriend because she didn't feel safe with it. And New Boyfriend was involved with the shooting, and killed Bad Guy. Obviously, they tied this up much better than I am able to because I was concerned with Mac getting hurt again.

But the fact that an innocent girl was shot in the shoulder and a man was killed was not the most disturbing thing about this episode. No, it was the fact that, while Mac was innocently sitting at the counter drinking his coffee, some woman of questionable occupation comes and sits down next to him and starts flirting. *cough*WHORE!!!*cough* Clearly, she did not realize that his wife died and even if he were going to start dating again (because it has been three and a half years) he will simply marry Stella. Well, I know this, and was yelling it at her quite loudly throughout most of the show. Not that she listened. Thankfully, the shooting happened and interupped.

But then she goes and picks him up at the crime scene!!! How tacky is that???? I mean, the guy is laying there dead, and she's all "I don't usually do this, but if you want to meet for a drink or something...". UGH. And, Mac, just a tip- if she says she doesn't do it that often, chances are she's lying. Anyhoo, Mac actually takes her card!!! I believe this is when the swearing started.

But the really funny part is when Stella realizes that somebody else may have their claws into her last chance to have a baby. All of a sudden, the jacket comes off, and there is more and more cleavage being shown in each scene. In spite of all of this, Mac still decides to go out with this whore...no, Mac, no!!! I was screaming into a pillow by this time- I was that upset.

Ohm and the best part of the episode is the end, when Stella walks into the little CSI place in this backless, legless, practically frontless number that's spray painted on and offers to straighten Mac's tie. Stella maintains she has a date, but Imladris and I feel that she simply went home to cry into her Lean Cuisine or perhaps stalk social services. And Mac isn't even persuaded by this!!! Stella, who is so perfect for him and totally would understand his need to keep the beach ball around, is standing there wearing essentially dark Saran Wrap, and he still wants to meet this woman for a drink. *sob* What is wrong with you, Mac!?!?!?! How is that little hooker going to feel about the beach ball, huh? Do you think this is what Claire would want? NO! She wants you to get with the co-worker whom she knew and loved!! Ugh. *throws up hands*

So Mac is at a bar in a hotel with this chick for all summer. (Insert knife here.)

Lost, Alias, and how ABC toys with my affections

Ah, yes...that time had come. It was Wednesday night, and I was all prepared to say goodbye to my little friends on the island and in the CIA. Mainly, because ABC had been running commericals all week proclaiming "The season finales of Lost and Alias- this Wednesday", and stupidly, I believed them.

I should know better than to do this. ABC has always had it in for me, starting with canceling Boston Legal for the rest of the season in favor of Grey's Anatomy which, while being a somewhat interesting show, has got to realize that we don't want to see our surgical interns acting like twelve-year-olds. I love my little brother dearly, but I don't want his peers operating on me!!! Anyhoo, they took that knife and twisted it last week when they announce that 8 Simple Rules was canceled. Now, I know it was hardly intelligent comedy, but really, what else did they have to put on on Friday nights?? Less than Perfect got to come back, and that didn't??? Even David Spade alone is funnier than half the cast of Less than Perfect. Grr. Let's just say the alphabet network and I have very rarely gotten along.

So I settle down to watch Lost. And it seems to be moving quite slowly. Frenchie comes back and goes all crazy and starts loading guns. Oh, and we learn who Alex is. Apparently, Frenchie was seven months pregnant when she crashed on the island (why do all these women travel so late in pregnancy?? Don't they know that's not great???), and gave birth to a little girl, Alex. But then a week later, Frenchie claims that "the black smoke came", which prompted my sister and I to remark "So there's no Pope?", and then the Others came and took Alex away from Frenchie.

Of course, this could have been the island chaptero f social services, because Frenchie is quite crazy (as evidenced by the machine gun she's holidng in her hands...freaky). Most of the smart castaways pretty much just roll their eyes and go "Okay, sure hon," but then the black smoke comes. Seriously, there's a big pillar of smoke coming from the center of the island. So they (???) follow it and discover that the black rock that we've been hearing about all season is actually a ship. What? Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.

Yeah, um, other than that, nothing much happens. Shannon looks moody, but perfectly coiffed. I want to see these perfectly put together girls start getting desperate and try to fashion tampons out of bamboo leaves. That w0uld be reality. Oh, and the group leaves on the raft. Big whup.

So I'm sitting there thinking, "Well, this really didn't clear anything up, except now I'm wondering about the black smoke. This kind of sucks as a finale," when (what do you know?) there's a commericial for next week's season finale of Lost. WHAT???? I just got worked up over nothing??? Grrr.

On to the next viewing choice of the evening, Alias. This one I was pretty convinced actually was the finale, because it was two hours, and again, ABC had been touting it as such for the past week. But no. This wasn't the real one either!!! I have to wait until next week (when they only give me an hour) to figure out what happens with the Rambaldi device and whether or not the world will end!!!! ARGH!!!

Just a couple of little details- Irina's alive, they found her cowering in a hold somewhere in Russia. Jack is still glowing, but now he's researching the Chernobyl incident and trying to figure out how to stop glowing. Irina hits Jack for trying to kill her, even though she's quite clearly alive. And she meets Nadia for the first time since giving birth. Awww...how sweet. I still can't figure that out, because she and Sydney look like they're exactly the same age. Oh, and Irina's sister Elena (Irina and Elena---haven't these people ever heard of normal names that don't sound exactly alike? What about Rachel? That's good, and doesn't sound like the rest of them!!) let loose the Rambaldi device and now the world is speeding towards armeggedon. But Vaughn proposed, which was so cute and so sweet and would have been perfect if it hadn't been on an army fighter jet.

So what did we learn this week? Don't trust ABC, it's come back to haunt you.

Signs of the Apocolypse...

Okay, I have a confession to make. In a weak moment comprised of the fact that TBS was running Sex and the City instead of Friends reruns, and ABC was having their stupid "super-sized" episodes so Geoge Lopez wasn't off yet (FYI, Carmen's pregnant and engaged.), and that I thought it would be fun to write about in here, I watched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic on UPN last night. It was like a train wreck or perhaps Mr. Personality, you know there is no way that this oculd end prettily, without mass carnage, but you just couldn't tear your eyes away.

Well, that's not entirely true. I managed after ten or twelve minutes. It got disgusting. Especially when you thought about the fact that at this point, the white-trash guy on the other end of that damn camcorder may or may not have told his pregnant girlfriend that he was going to be a little bit late that night because he was roaming around London with a whore...sorry, Britney. Now, I don't approve of having children before marriage, but that woman still deserved some respect.

Anyhoo, it wasn't just the content matter that was disgusting, or the overwhelming stupidity that both Britney and Kevin brought to the screen (You wanted to just ask them, "Do you read? At all? Anything?"), it was the actual format of the show. Just the changing hair color that Britney sported was enough to make me feel nauseous, but the worst was the way it was shot. We've all knew (or at least me, who spends over a hundred dollars on entertainment magazines a year...I'm so weird...) that this was primarily composed of home videos that the happy couple themselves shot. What they failed to mention is that both of them absolutely SUCK as camera-people. I'm serious, I got cross-eyed and dizzy after a couple of minutes. That damn camera would not say steady- or focused. I'm still a little motion sick, and it's been thirteen hours.

And then they would cut up those fantastic videos with "Entirely New Exclusive Interviews"! Oh joy. At least it gave my eyes a rest, because the UPN person could keep the camera from moving, but what came out of their mouths was almost as nauseating. "Oh my gosh, baby, I love you so much," Britney expounds during one segment in that sickeningly Southern accent that I swear has gotten heavier since her "Oops I Did It Again" days. Why? He's ugly, and a scumbag, and looks like he smells!! And you had to buy your own friggin' engagment ring!!! How could you love that???? Ugh. Oooh, and she makes sure that we all know she's really shy in her personal life. Uh-huh. That really comes across when you're dancing in that dominatix outfit you sport so willingly every night during your concert. Stupidity disgusts me.

In the commercial, Britney asks "Can you handle my truth?" Well, if it means lying around a hotel room with a completely class-less scumbag who left his girlfriend and daughters to live off of your money and doing not much of anything except run around in track suits that cost enough to give several third-world children food for six months, then I guess the answer is no. Sorry. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. I just hope that baby they're having doesn't take after it's parents, because that would be a real shame.

Alias- Killer Bees

Okay, this episode wasn't really about killer bees. That was just the first part and the only title I could think of , except perhaps "Writers had better stop putting in so many "tender" father/daughter sister/sister scenes or I'm going to throw up". I thought that would be nasty. Ooooh, and I have some news, from the venerable source TV Guide...

*SPOILER ALERT*

Okay, Lena Olin has definately been rehired. For those of you know don't know, Lena Olin plays Irina Derevkov, Sydney's Russian (what else?) mom who was bumped off by Daddy at the end of last season. She also had an affair with Sloane (the real one) and gave birth to Nadia, which leads me to constantly marvel on how one woman can have two such perfect looking daughters. 'Cause, really, I love Jack to death, but hardly fantastic genetic material, and Sloane? *gag*

Anyhoodles, she's not just back in flashbacks!!! She's still alive, which means Jack didn't off her, and therefore Sydney can stop being so awkward with him! Yay!

And Vaughn is going to propose!! Probably right before that freaky-ass Rambaldi armegeddon or something, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no?

*END SPOILER ALERT*

Alright, this was a really long, complicated episode with a lot of names that ended in -ov, and I really don't remember all those, so we're just going to summerize. It opened with Sloane Clone at some freaky monestary where all the monks were playing with bees. I guess they got tired of translating from Latin. Anyhoo, S.C. apparenlty knows the head priest at them monestary, who, in what is apparently an attempt to be modern, wears a black t-shirt instead of the Roman collar. I guess when you're raising killer bees to breed a super-race or something equally as implausible, tradition doesn't mean so much. Whatever. Well, this guy, Father Whats-His-Name (I'm pretty sure it ended in -ov, though), won't give S.C. what he wants. As we all know from the unfortunate belt-sander incident a couple of weeks ago, S.C. is not going to take this information lying down. Instead, he releases something into the air that causes all the bees (who were perfectly harmless before) to go all crazy and kill all the monks. Then S.C. shoots Father Whats-His-Name.

Honestly, that that's as much as I remember. Watch the season finale!!!