Hooking Up

It's summer. And there's nothing on. You know it's bad when the whole country is transfixed by Dancing With the Stars, and utterly devestated when That Guy From Seinfeld loses (otherwise known in entertainment circles, which I do not claim to be a part of, as John You-Should-Have Won O'Hurley). This is evident by the fact that ABC is running a six-part documentary/newsmagazine/reality show on Thursday nights called "Hooking Up", chronicalling the exploits of eleven single women in New York who internet date. And even more evident by the fact that I watched it.

Okay, I wouldn't normally have. But this blog has been hopelessly bereft since school and the regular programming ended, and I felt that, like a good mother, I had to watch something to comment on. And, despite my earlier comments, I actually watched only one episode of Dancing With the Stars, but the site of Joey McIntyre being flipped by some woman was enough to keep me in stiches for weeks!!! :D Oh, and TBS was having some boring baseball game instead of Friends reruns, and I had nothing else to do. Sadness.

Yeah, it was kind of scary. Okay, really scary. Enough to make me want to move to India just for the arranged marriages. Now, I have hardly been around long enough to be "exhausted with the dating world" as everybody claims that they are, but just and hour of watching the awkward conversation and "So where do you see this going?" stuff for what ends up being a totally fruitless relationship (half the women broke up with the guys, and the other half were deciding between two equally boring and disgusting guys) was enough to make me wish that there was some way you could just jump to the part of the relationship where you know the person enough to not have to sit awkwardly next to him/her on the sofa and watch a movie. You know, the part where you can say, "I'm planning on watching a movie tonight. If you would like to accompany me, shut up and bring me popcorn." That's what I think would be great in a relationship.

And then just the pitiful selection of men on the show was enough to make me consider a religious vocation. Or maybe it was just the stupidity of the women involved. Okay, really just one women- Sonya. The others actually appeared to be quite nice and just a little bit out of their league with the whole internet dating thing. They were way too normal. The one I did identify with was the one who dumped the guy because he wasn't marriage material and then broke out the Pillsbury cookies. She was real.

But anyway, this Sonya woman goes out on her first date of the show, with this slimeball male chauvanist pig that even I could tell was trouble and I was watching it on television. So they're sitting there drinking (which, btw, I don't think is a Great Idea on the first date. Personally, I would want all of my faculties available when deciding whether or not to continue with the relationship, but whatever) and Slimeball asks the young lady if she ever kisses on the first date. Sonya shrugs and says he'd had to find out. So Slimeball takes this as an invitation to start sucking her face off. And Sonya lets him!!!! And then she GOES HOME WITH HIM---but with the promise that he "behave". Excuse me, Sonya, what part of Life 101 did you miss? You go home with a guy you met on the INTERNET who just came this close to molesting you in the bar and you want him to behave? Like he wants to show you family pictures. There is no happy ending to this!!! So they're sitting on the couch making out and whatever (honestly, I started flipping back and forth between this and Just Married on FX) and then he tries to take her shirt off, but can't because she has it safety-pinned closed. She called it her security measure.

You know what also works, Sonya? Not going home with him!!!!!! Sheesh. I think it's safe to say that Mensa was never calling for this particular chick. Ugh. This is why the biggest killer of pregnant women is the father of their babies---because some women are so stupid!!!!

So yeah, and intersting and rather disheartening show in general. But I do hope that the born-again virgin finds somebody, because she seemed really nice, and just watching what kind of CSI-esque situation Sonya finds herself in will be enough to bring many viewers back. I'm not sure---I'll see what's on TBS...