CSI:NY- Oh SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!

I hardly even know what to write about this episode. Like how did the Statford-Upon-Avon Times book critic review Hamlet? "Good, but what's up with the mother?"

Just a quick rundown before I get to my ever-present opinions...We open with a dead guy at Kid Rock concert (*cough* almost sweeps *cough*) and there's a scary scratched CD near him. I don't know, I was kind of confused by this story. But while Mac is doing this case, he hears over the car radio that there was a possible officer involvment at this address which he clearly knows is Stella's (watch as all the Shippers squee). Cut to the entire NYPD busting into the joint apartment, only to find Frankie the Creepy Internet Porn guy dead. And Stella is face down in the corner. Mac, being a concerned future father of her children, runs over and makes sure she's okay (watch as all the Shipper practically wet themselves). Awwwwww....Lt. Dan!!!!!!!! Sorry...moving on...

Yeah, so they process Stella and we got lots and lots of amazingly hot tender scenes with Flack questioning her. Awwwwww...Tad!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry...moving on... And Lindsey is really upset about this, which is kinda strange that she's only known her like five months. Still, it's sweet.

Turns out that Frankie stalked her, broke into her apartment, tied her up, caused her to cut herself with a razor (I had trouble shaving this morning), and then tried to kill her. And she shot him. Girl power!!!!!!!!! *ahem* Sorry. And then Mac sweetly offers to take Stella to a hotel (watch as all the Shippers have heart attacks), but she wants to be tough and go back to the apartment. Me? I'd kick back in a hotel with Flack on speed dial until somebody else scrubbed the blood out of my bathtub. Because having to clean would just be adding insult to injury.

Well, I'd just like to start the opinion part of this post by saying that I am totally back to shipping Mac/Stella. While her hideously impure eggs may not have been good enough for him last week, being abused and left for dead is pretty redeeming in my eyes. So they now have my blessing to get back together. Although that might have happened faster if Mac had stopped being such a damn Marine and went back to the apartment with her. I maintain that he walked her there but she wanted to be alone. Imladris is more cynical. Whatever.

I kind of didn't understand the whole other story line, or maybe I just wasn't paying attention. I don't really like Kid Rock, and I like girls who find him the least bit attractive even less. Crazies. The next two look awesome- apparently somebody kills a Marine or something and Mac gets to go all The Few the Proud all over their ass. Ha!

Lost was on last night too, but it was one of those stupid recap shows that are competely useless as I am a faithful viewer and have been watching since Day 1. Literally. And I didn't like the voice over that made it sound like a National Geographic documentary. I half expected the guy to go, "Their mating rituals are awkward and high coreographed..." in that slightly British accent. Sheesh.

Sorry this is a little bit late, we all know I would have liked to have done this first thing, but I have had a lot to do today...

24- Confused, but Intrigued

I decided to join the rest of the nation this week and start watching 24. Well, that and I saw The Sentinel this weekend and realized that Kiefer Sutherland is really hot a very good actor. Let me just say that my Inner Pop-Culture Whore is loving this show and cannot believe she hasn't started watching it sooner.

At the same time, her head hurts because she is very, very confused. And the split screen kind of bugged her. But that's okay, because she really liked the little time clock with the ominous ticking. And she really loved Audrey's coat. She was very upset that there was blood all over it. My Inner Pop-Culture Whore is also a fashionista.

See, I know exactly two things about 24. 1.) The President is very bad and 2.) Elisha Cuthbert used to play Jack's daughter. Elisha Cuthbert also used to be on a PBS show that I watched when I was little and I wanted to be just like her because she was pretty and smart and thin. And pretty. Did I mention that already? Now I don't, because I think it would be weird to think that the guy playing your dad is crazy hot such a good actor. Whatever.

Neither of these little pieces of information helped me much last night. Who the hell is Henderson? Normally, I would put my considerable research skills to use and find out everything there possibly was to know about this show, but I couldn't even understand the websites. Somebody comment with answers, please!!!

But still amazingly good, and I completely plan on watching until the end of the season. Which is really soon, actually. Sadness.

Also watched CSI:Miami last night. Oh, Horatio is being a sensitive guy! And Ryan and Delko are being crazy and territorial. And Calleigh looks like she may have put on a little weight, which I always like in my fake characters. My Inner Pop-Culture Whore is also a little insecure about her looks.

So who do we think deserves Natalia? Do we think that Marisol is already pregnant?

Without a Trace and Numbers

Sorry readers, I'm afraid this is going to be kind of a bland one today, as I am not feeling particularly witty. Just tired. But I've been feeling badly because I don't think I've ever done a Without a Trace post and this show pretty much makes my world go round. I know it's sad. Don't pity me, please.

Anyhoodles, children, this week a dogooder who works at Shield House (battered women and such) disappears. And we learn that he wasn't such a dogooder after all. Turns out he was a manwhore.

No, really. I'm not just using that word because I like the way it sounds. He was sleeping with way older rich women who would then give him money for the shelter. Ewww.

Yeah, so just as I'm feeling less-than-sorry for the guy and kind of not caring whether or not they ever find him, I find out that he was trying to turn his life around. And giving back all the jewelry and such that the women he was "servicing" and being all nice. And I start to care about him. And then they find his dead corpse in a ditch where he had crashed after the crack ho friend distracted him. Bummer, huh???

Now you'll forgive me if I don't have all the details (except the gigelo one...that was pretty damn hard to miss...), because for most of the hour Imladris was yelling about how Martin gets too much screen time. She's very upset about this. Even though he's gotten ten times hotter in her eyes since she found out that he's wealthy, she still things that that other guy, the hispanic one who is so important I can't remember his name should be in it more. And as I can't remember his name, I think she may have a point. Except he does have that little "Spanish club" with that chick I can't stand where they just speak Spanish and use accents and completely shut out the WASPy Samantha and Martin. Teehee.

Anyhoodles, Numbers was also good. Don's ex-girlfriend, an ATF agent apparently committed suicide. And because they devote an hour to it, you know it's not gonna be a real suice. Evil Double Agent killed her instead. Big whup. Somebody also needs to tell Rob Morrow that he's too old to be making out in a car with some random attorney ("Counselor?" "Agent?" Seriously. Is this how our nation's finest get freaky? I don't want to see it...). He was on Northern Exposure twenty years ago for heaven's sakes!!! Sheesh.

Excellent week of TV coming up, so expect lots of updates.

Please Excuse Me While I Scrape My Jaw Off the Floor

Oh good Lord. My inner pop-culture whore who feeds soley on television juiciness almost died of happiness last night. And after Tuesday's baby joy, well, she's almost dead anyways. Almost too much fake news to handle. I'll just get right to it...

American Idol~

Ace got kicked to the curb. Watch as thousands of ten-year-olds and my aunt cry. Personally, I think it was the creepy hair. Although he was quick to point out that he didn't actually cut it. Pretty Boy knows where his bread is buttered.

Meanwhile, Andrea Bocelli is uncharacteristically pimping himself out and being the guest "coach" next week. Hmmm. The blind Italian tenor and the girl who doesn't know that the "l" in "salmon" is silent. I'm thinking train wreck. A really bad, mistranslated train wreck.

Alias~

I'll admit it. I'm a not-so-closeted Alias geek. I loves it. And I loves that it's back, even though it knocked Lost off for a week. Just a quick run-down, because nobody else watchs it or cares. But I do!!!! Okay, moving on.
1.) Sydney is kidnapped by Prophet 5, the Russian terrorist group du jour. While she's in their custody, they save her baby for some reason. I'm very confused, and it's 7:15.
2.) Irina's back.
3.) What?
4.) Irina's bad.
5.) No shit.
6.) Spy Daddy tries to kill her.
7.) Again.
8.) Sydney goes into labor. Oh!! My little girl's growing up!!! Of course, people are trying to kill her.
9.) Baby's upside down.
10.) Evil Irina apparently knows way more about obsetrics than she should and turns baby around.
11.) And tells Sydney that she wasn't wanted, but the KGB insisted that she have a baby. BOOO!!!!
12.) Sydney gives birth to a baby girl. Oh the days of our lives.
13.) Irina runs away to go be evil.
14.) Again.
15.) Sydney, Baby, and Spy Daddy are on a plane, and Sydney asked Spy Daddy to do something, which he does.
16.) OMG, VAUGHN'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And living in a monestary in Bhutan with a beard ala Christian Bale in Batman. Except Liam Neeson is nowhere to be seen. And he's not as hot as Christian Bale. I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew...

CSI:NY~

Oh, will the revelations never stop??? We open with Stella literally rolling around with Frankie the manwhore. Okay. She is no longer good enough for Mac. I spent the next twenty minutes figuring out exactly who he should get together with. I'm very protective of my television characters.

Very invovled story about a guy buried at Giant's stadium, and the Tanglewood boys (who have aged twenty years and lost all their hair) are responsible, except they found Danny's DNA in the hole. I had that whole thing figured out after two mintues, but it took CSI considerably longer. Which could be because Stella was off doing Frankie and Montana was being worried about Danny and Mac was...well, Mac doesn't know yet that the woman all the Mac/Stella shippers out there had pegged as the future mother of his children is a whore, but maybe he had a premonition.

At the end we have a touchingly tender hugging scene with Danny breaking down and Mac finally stops being such a damn Marine and hugs him. Awww!!!! We learn three things here---1.) CSI's are real people too!!!, 2.) Carmine Giovinazzo is really short, and 3.) Carmine Giovinazzo can't cry. Seriously.

The final scene, however, was awesome. Stella googles this word that Frankie the Manwhore used, and figures out that it's "Bonasera" spelled backwards. Oooh. And there's a website. And, well, this is a family blog, so I won't say what was on the website, but I'm pretty certain Paris Hilton would be proud. Oh snap. Cannot wait until next week!!!!

Going to go eat dinner---I'll put something up tomorrow about regular CSI and Without a Trace. Oh, can somebody please tell me what the clues are in this picture??? I cannot figure it out.

CSI:Miami and Lost Conspiracy Theories

I don't actually have any, because I'm not smart enough to figure it out. I didn't realize that Sawyer was long-conning the girlfriend until he told her. I'm a moron. But in honor of the new episode tonight (Rose and Bernard backstory-yay!!!), I thought I'd help y'all out by giving you wonderful links to various different sites that have way too many people with way too much time on their hands. Said the girl who updates her blog freakishly often. Anyhoodles, this one is kind of weird, but it focuses on the Numbers. This one has really good recaps and discussion, and this one is just a general fan site, which we know is going to be good upon opening because there's a picture of Jack RIGHT THERE on the opening page. *swoons* Did you know he has a penchant for walking around the set naked? ..........

*ahem* Back to reality (well, not really...), CSI:Miami was awesome this week, even though I totally didn't understand any of it. I know there was money laundering going on (which, call me crazy, always makes me think of people washing money...) and a drug cartel, and dead people in a bathtub in an abandoned hotel. And these two crazies named Jude and Sienna...oh, I'm sorry, Leo and Sienna. I kept mentally referring to him as Jude throughout the whole episode. I can't help it. I'm a pop culture whore (like the nanny!! HAHA!!!).

I don't actually get what their whole purpose was, except to be pretty and annoyingly horny and jump off a bridge at the end. You wann know how screwed up I am? Why they were hurling themselves over the edge all I could think was how pretty Sienna's coat was and how I would never want to get water on that. Loved the kicky music as they were killing themselves, then it turned all somber as soon as they were over the edge. And the entire Miami Dade Police Department had them surrounded and they were running towards the side of the bridge. What the hell did you think they were doing??? Looking at the pretty fishies???? NO!!! You shoot them in the leg or something- now you have no suspects!!!! Ugh. I was having flashbacks to Thelma and Louise and Imladris was yelling, "Keep driving, Themlma!" Why couldn't H in his infinate wisdome figure this baby out??? Ugh.

And that bastard from the Very Important Department of Money Laundering who asked Calleigh out for a drink in the video game episode is back and Calleight is just like, "*scoffs* Get away from me, ass****". Good for her.

Okay, I just lost this entire post and it magically reappeared. So I'm not going to question the Blogspot gods and simply post, okay???

One final thing, everybody must watch Teachers. It's quite funny, and we must support Riley from National Treasure.

The Masters

Okay, put down the phone that you're using to call me and tell me somebody else has hacked into my blog and is impersonating me. I promised Daddy I'd do a post about the Masters. And Daddy, you can comment by just clicking anonymous...I'm fairly certain that I won't get you mixed up with the other anonymous.
Okay, so the Masters (which apparently is a big thing) was on this weekend. And, big surprise, we all watched it. Well, okay, that's not entirely true. I left and watched CSI and Numbers for the first two nights. And then I was pretty much gone for Saturday...and didn't really pay much attention on Sunday. But I do know that my dad pretty much didn't move except to take care of my horse all weekend. So I'm thinking this was a long thing. And when I was in the room I just had so many comments.

First, who told that one guy that orange was a good color on anything??? Oranges don't look good in orange!!! And there was this one Japanese guy who was (I swear) wearing my pants. Really. I'm pretty sure he got those in the GAP ladies department. They were quite "sits low on waist, slim through the hip and thigh and slightly flared at the hem." And he paied it with this awful turquoise thing that was skin tight. Oh, I'm feeling a little nauseated just thinking about it.

And Phil Mickleson won...I'm not sure how we feel about this as half the time my dad was yelling about how Fred Couple (wha???) should be winning, but then he said he liked this guy too. Anyhoodles, the only reason I know who he is is the man boobs. I think he should wear that green jacket everywhere. Or some jacket. Hell, even a thick sweater. I'm so mean...

And then I saw his wife (*cough*ROOTS!!!!*cough*). And realized that he must be very, very rich. Seriously, she's gorgeous. Really gorgeous. The should-have-been-taken-care-of roots notwithstanding, she was stunning. With two perfect little children. Okay, hon. You may be gorgeous, but if you're going to refrain from cutting your son's hair for years at time. don't dress him up in white bloomers. Because I thought he was a girl until this morning when I saw something about "him" on a website while I was looking for this picture. She may be pretty, but she's not bright...

No, no, I kid. They looked like a wonderful family and very happy and maybe now with this time off Phil can get that beginning of a mullet taken care of...

Lots and lots and lots of shows...

...sorry it's been awhile, I've been busy and tired this past week and haven't really been able to keep up. So I'm just going to write about marious shows I've watched, which makes it easier for anonymous to pick out the ones she doesn't want to read because I will be delivering the tape to her shortly (btw, you'll love them). On with the post (these are in order that I watched them...

Numbers

I like this show, I really do. And I have no intention of stopping watching it. But it's kind of like a poor man's CSI- kind of like all the characters are there but something's a little bit off. Anyhoo, this week's was good- a female Iraqi lawyer is killed while she's in the US promoting something political...I don't know, I was majorly spacing. But she's dead, and the brilliant FBI team finds out that she was married to a non-Muslim American. Oh the drama. I actually forgot who killed her. Hmmm. I know there was a raid, but I'm completely blanking on who did it. Wow.

Maybe because I've been trying to gouge out my mind's eye all week after watching all that hot Barney-the-head-elf on Jane-Parsons-from-DNA action that was on the show. Yeah, that woman from CSI:NY who shows up occasionally to speak in a British accent and deliver bombshells about paternity of whatnot guested as Charlie's ex-girlfriend. Who's getting married. And slept with Charlie in the basement. Yeah. Jane Parsons from DNA is kind of a ho.

CSI:Miami

Wasn't on. Boooooo!!!!!!!!

The Apprentice

Okay, here's my theory. The only thing that the Donald likes less than a guy who will screw over his friends is a guy who steadfastly refuses to. And Lenny's going to win the damn thing because he knows how to keep his mouth shut.

This was a good episode, they all had to write a jingle, which led to countless Soviet Union jingle jokes. Good times.

Anyhoo, I totally think that thsi show has overstayed it's welcome, but it's so narcisstically good I don't even care!

Teachers

I so hope this show does well, because Riley deserves to have a career. Okay, he's not Riley here, he's Jeff Cahill, but still. He'll always be Riley. Anyhoo, it's a really funny show, so people should start watching!!! Tuesday's at eight-thirty.

House

What can I say? House is perfect. Wilson is still living in House's apartment, as EW says, because clearly oncologists can't afford hotels. The scene in the elevator was priceless- when he hides behind the sheet??? Loved it. I'm completely over my moral outrage and now just really, really want to buy the DVDs...

Boston Legal

Repeat, when that little kid is kidnapped and Denise and Brad must go save him because they are the most attractive members of the cast and thus are relegated to doing everything that requires looking like a hero...yeah. Still good.

Lost

Oh, J.J. Abrams and Jerry Bruckheimer are now going to have to fight over my first born. Well, not really, because Jerry gave me Johnny as a hot pirate, so clearly he'll win, but I might have to give J.J. my second.

This week we focused on Hurley, who apparently killed two people by making a balcony collapse on them. Bummer, huh? And he's got this mother of a friend who doesn't want him to lose weight.

Gasp #1- The friend is on the Island
Gasp#2- The friend doesn't exist.
Gasp#3- The friend tells Hurley that the Island is all in his head.

Wait. I'm confused. Last season this was all a figment of Jack's imagination. Who's mind are we in now???? And then he kisses Libby who is (and I quote) "cute in that Other kind of way." And finally we have...*drum roll, please*

Gasp #4- Libby was in the psych ward with Hurley.

OHMYGOD WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! My mind just exploded with conspiracy theories.

Criminal Minds

Awesome. We love poisonings. Especially related to bioterrorism. And the reveal when they were like, "Wait. The punch is a decoy." I'm like, "Oh no you di'n't..."

CSI:NY

I don't know, I don't have a whole lot to say about this one. Maybe because I've seen it so many times. I saw it the first time it was on, then once in reruns over the summer, then on my DVDs, and last night. So yeah, I'm kind of over being astonished at Danny having mob connections. Which we all should have known already because he has a shifty beard.

The last scene is priceless, though. We get to see Mac go all The Few the Proud and when the guy goes, "Ask Danny Messer. He works for you, right?" Stella's look of "Wait. What???" is priceless.

New ep this week, though. A guy dresses up like Superman and saves people. I'm not entirely sure why CSI is on this, but whatever. My bet is on Superman getting kinky. That's a pretty safe bet with CSI.

CSI: Regular

oooh, veddy veddy good episode. Especially at the end, when you realize that it was all power of suggestion in the first place. I'm totally warming to CSI:Vegas...I've even started watching it on Spike at six... New episode next week too- yayness!!!!!!!!

One thing, though, where were the girls this week? Catherine breezed in to talk about her family vacation with Dad the loser and Sara wasn't in it at all. And why is everybody so mean to Greg???

Without a Trace

Repeat, but it was okay because the first time it was on I ended up so disgusted with the child pornography that I stopped watching. I'm way more into the show now, though, so we kept it on.

I love Without a Trace. Although they should fire that Latina chick who has nothing to do but be Latina. And I'm so happy it's back after a month of basketball. The episode next week looks awsie too; don't you dare refer to your kid as "it" when Jack is in the room. He will notice it and kick your ass. Huh.

Whew...I'm tired. New Numbers tonight!!! Yayness!!!