CSI: Miami- Hot Guys with Babies!!!

Oooh, this is the best CSI:Miami episode ever! Except maybe that first season one where Horatio has to protect the adorable two-year-old baby girl...that one was pretty good, too. Yes, this was the Ryan and baby epidsode...actually, there was another storyline, too, but that did not involve an adorable geek with a baby. Therefore I did not pay much attention. Even the commercials were very good- one of Mac flipping some guy out of a dumpster, and and Elvis one!!! Ha, this is such a good night for teasing!! Ahem, so just to outline the two stories...

Big Crime: There's a gang-related shooting in the ER, leaving some shady looking character dead. Big whup. But I guess even the Miami CSI's have to investigate gang shootings. Whatever, at least it gets us into the ER.

Little Crime: Ryan is called upon by a young mother in said ER to check on her baby. Ryan spends alot of time holding the baby. I love guys with babies. I don't know why. I think I have a mother complex or something. I don't like models, but stick a baby in some guy's arms and I'll fall instantly. I'm odd.

Okay, so things open with a bustling ER...something surely is up, because CSI never shows hospitals unless a crime takes place there. Okay, so we're panning around, settling on a guy videotaping his wife's pre-delivery. Come on. Why the hell would you do something like that??? Do you ever go back and watch that? "Hey, honey, do you want to watch grainy videos of parts of your mother you NEVER wanted to see all covered in slime for your birthday?" I know it's the miracle of life or whatever, but it's still pretty nasty. Nothing I'd like to remember on video.

Anyhoo, at this moment scary gangster looking men walk in, and we start hearing heartbeat sounds over the seventies dance music that always plays with CSI. Clearly, somebody's going down. Sure enough, within two seconds (just long enough for us to get it through our heads that heartbeat sounds are never a good thing. While everybody else is hitting the floor, Videotape Guy leaps on top of his wife, leaving the baby exposed, though. Idiot. It's just sticking out there- if you're going to protect anything- do that!! Come on! Guy drives me nuts. And we cut to a dead gangster on a gurney. The audience knows he's a gangster because he's got a tattoo. And clearly, anybody with a tattoo must be bad. (See, Mom, you trained me well...)

So Horatio and the gang arrives, checks out the scene, and Horatio annouces "It's a gang shooting, ladies." No kidding. He's a perceptive one, that Horatio. This also allows him to get in a classic bon mot just before it cuts away to a classic from The Who, "They brought the war to us, now we are going to take it to them." Wow. That's deep. What war, exactly? Aren't gangs always at war?

As we return from commerical, we see the arrival of Ryan in an adorable sweater vest. Yay!!!

Note: As this is a rerun, Ryan is still playing nicely with the other CSI's, and I can love him completely without feeling sorry for Calleigh. Or thinking he's acting like a five-year-old. In reruns, he's perfect!

Anyway, yay!!! Ryan begins his very important role by questioning a witness, a young mother with a baby. (Who is, by the way, adorable. Cutest little baby ever. Of course, even the toddlers are cute on CSI...) The mom is the friend from "The Wedding Planner". Because of this, I'm just going to call her Penny, because I dont' remember her name. I don't think she had one. Whatever. The adorable baby, who does have a name, and a very pretty one at that- Bethany-, has some bruising under her eye. No!! Ryan is, of course, concerned by this. Awww!!! Point one for baby-loving Ryan.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Er, Calleigh is frustrated by the shooting. Calleigh thinks they have their work cut our for them. Perceptive one, that Calleigh. On the other side of the room, Horatio is talking to Yelena, who totally doesn't understand that she belongs with Horatio and nobody would be a better dad to little Ray, Jr. , who, excuse me, already has a police record for goodness sakes, and she should just appreciate the fact that she has a wonderful guy who loves her and is sensitive too and dump the wife-beater otherwise known as the DA, who never evens spends any time with her!! I'm sorry, did that come out? Yeah, that' s just how I feel. On a completely different note, does Yelena's accent change from episode to episode? Tonight she's very Latino. Not that it's important, I was just wondering. All of a sudden, Horatio jumps this orderly because of something having to do with cell phone. Honestly, I'm still thinking about Ryan with the baby... Anyhoo, the orderly guy says something intelligent like "It's just a cell phone", and H gets to fire back with "In my world, that's call accessory to murder." Hehehehe...good one, H, good one!

Anyway, somewhere else Frank is scaring the crap out of Ramon, which is kind of funny, except I can't figure out who Ramon is. Then Ramon tells Frank that the dead guy from the ER bumped off Primero. No, not Primero!!! Who is Primero!?!?!? So Frank goes running to Horatio to tell him this, and H comes back with urging Frank to figure this one out before the city becomes a battleground. Wait a minute- isn't Miami already a battleground??? It's frickin' Miami, for goodness sakes!!! The hookers and drug dealers are fighting for a very limited number of corners!!!

Cut to Ryan playing with little Bethany...awww....is it hot in here??? Ryan then orders blood work, apparently following a hunch that he does not feel that the audience needs to be privy to. Whatever. Playing and blood work- two points for baby-loving Ryan.

Back in the not-so-cute storyline, the dead guy was shot recently! I'm sure this is going to mean someting...don't know what, but we know that H is going want that bullet!! H, in his infinate wisdom, tells Calleigh and Delko to set up the little dummies to figure out the projectories of the bullets, which we know are just going to be all off. Sure enough, this tell them that there was a third shooter, this one from the door. And he's still out there!!!! *cut to commercial*

Calleigh and Delko (who, by the way, hasn't started molesting girls against buildings yet, in case you were wondering) go out to the parking lot beyong the door and find a dub. For the benefit of the audience in middle America, Calleigh pretends not to know waht this is. (FYI, it's kind of like a hubcap.) Thankfully, these are high end and despite the size and concentrated wealth in miami, only one shop makes them. Unthankfully, this will likely lead us to a convicted felon (probably of something violent) which makes him automatically innocent, so why do they even wast our time??? Sure enough, Dub Guy was at the hospital- he brough his jailbait girlfriend and then "dumped her ass off". Lovely young man. Of course, he's innocent.

Despite this apparent dead end, H miraculously remembers the pregnant woman, and figures that the husband taped the whole damn thing. Grrr. This bugs me so much!!! Who does that!?!?!? Of course, this will miraculously give the CSI team the audio of something incrimiating like "I kill you, Ramon" or something like that, and will be enough to convict somebody. Okay, so it doens't give them dialogue, but it does let them here that the driver pulled away, which means Dub Guy was lying. Not that this means he's guilty. Calleigh spends the next ten minutes flirting with Tyler. Don't know who he is. Whatever.

After tearing herself away from the geeky lab guy Tyler, Calleigh and Delko search this car that they miraculously have. What do you know, Delko finds a safe with a gun in it!

This lead them straight to Pico Domingas, or something like that. Pico admits to the shooting, but they still have thirty-two minutes left, which means he is so innocent. Pico then goes all "You're a lazy pig" to Horatio. Too bad Mac isn't there to get all Marine. I wonder if H has any military service? Oooh, I wonder if Ryan has any???

Okay, somehow they end up at this Primero's house where his little girl saw him get shot. I don't know how, and I certainly don't know why, but that's where they are. Deal with it. Anyhoo, Carmen (the little girl) is probably as scarred as the little boy who watched the slut in the car with the IRS guy last week...freaky. So Frank and H ring the bell and Jesse (who had something to do with the investiagion) answers. When they ask him why he's there, Jesse says he "stepped up" after Primero died. Uh-huh. I'm sure it's all honor and has nothing to do with the super-model girlfriend. *rolls eyes* H goes and talks to Carmen, who says she saw fire when her dad was shot. Fire? H is confused...

Basically they find out that Anna (the super-model) was a slut and having an affair and probably engaging in bondage just to fulfill the weekly kink factor. Because its not like people who don't engage in odd sexual behavior get hurt, right?? Anyhoodle, they trace the belt buckle imprint from the bedpost to Eddie, the Dub Guy. Long story short, Anna and Eddie were fooling around, Primero comes home, Eddie tumbles comically out the window (hehe), Primero beats Anna up, Eddie shoots Primero and give Anna the gun. Whew. In the final little jab, H asks Eddie to take off his shirt, and he's got this huge flame tattoo on his back. Get it? Fire? Carmen? Keep up people!

Okay, so we're going back to the adorable story line, k? Ryan now has DNA results- turns out Penny is not the mother!! No!!! But have we considered adoption Ryan? Come on, be inclusive!!! But we don't have enough time to contemplate that because Penny breaks down and admits that she was the nanny and took the baby because her parents are such losers that they haven't even reported her missing yet and it's been almost a day. Damn them. Ryan is offend. And still wearing the sweater vest. Still want him...

Well, obviously the CSI's have to call Bethany's parents, who show up and are remarkably detached about the whole thing. Well, Ryan is scandalized. (As Imladris put it "Ryan's kind of hot when he's outraged!" So true.) So he gets H to help him skirt the law and lets Penny off scot-free. And child services is going to visit. You go Ryan!!! Penny gets to have a cute moment at the end with Ryan. I want a cute moment with Ryan. *pouts* The last scene is Horatio and Ryan gazing into the sunset---doubley good!!! I think Ryan needs sunglasses...

So what did we learn this week? The dating world sucks, we should all go back to arranged marriages, and Ryan's hotness grows exponentially when he's holding a baby. And he needs sunglasses. :)


-