Okay, as my comment on the last post attests, I lost the tape for this episode because I forgot to stop the ER tape. I'm an idiot. But I did watch it, and remember almost everything, I think, so I'll do my best. This is all for you, Imladris, but you have to promise to read the Alias ones, too. I work hard on those!!! This one will be kind of shorter, though, because I don't really remember itty bitty details. But I'm trying desperately to avoid my bio project, history test, and political science paper, so you're gettinga review! (Maybe I could just turn in a compliation of my Alias reviews as my communism paper---they've pretty much got that down!)
We open in what appears to be a dorm, even though I'm not entirely sure where they'd put a dorm in New York. A pretty girl (of course she's pretty- even the doomed ones are pretty on CSI) is studying, and there is loud obnoxious music playing in the background. Pretty Girl gets pissed off that the said music is disturbing her studying, and so she starts yelling and banging on the walls. When this has ever worked in New York, I'm not sure. So the music inexplicably stops for a minute, and we hear a gunshot.
Now, this is when the real world and this other, strange, parallel universe break up. A normal person would scream, faint, and/or call 911. Not this girl- she goes to investigate where this gunshot came from, eventually finding the dead, slighly mangled body lying on the floor of one of the other apartments. And the place has been ransacked, which always signals drugs or something.
All the little CSIs rush to the scene and start processing it...and this is actually one episode where they all work on the same case. Mac says something "witty" like "Exams have never been this deadly" or something that suggests he's been on the phone to Miami quite a lot trading bon mots with Horatio. Anyhoodles, they jump inexplicably to the fact that drugs perpetrated this assault, and start looking for the roommate whose cell phone they found by the exit. Now, usually, I don't agree with or understand how the CSI's can go from one tiny piece of incriminateing evidence to arresting the right guy within ten seconds (even with their equiptment), but this time it does look like the roommate was kidnapped. I don't know a single girl who takes the time to put sequins on her pink cell phone and then drop it on the floor. They take the body out to be autopsied and start looking for the missing roommate, Jordan (who is actually a girl. Maybe that's why student housing put her with a dude.). During all this, Flack is standing in the background looking quite lovely in his trenchcoat. Mmmmm. Love me some Flack. *ahem* Moving on...
Okay, so they move the dead guy out and Mac and Stella somehow end up in an alley. I don't remember if it was ever explianed, or if they just magically decided that this alley (out of the millions in New York City) was the one where they were going to find incriminating evidence. Whatever. They're there. And they- shocker!- find the roommate's (who by now we know is named Jordan---why the hell would two filthy rich, inexplicably gorgeous people name their baby girl Jordan?????? I hate people who don't agree with me!!) purse. But wait- this isn't incriminating enough! The strap is broken!! No! That means that she must have been involved in a little scuffle! So, being the cynical folks that they are, Mac and Stella (STEWWWAAA...hehehehe) start looking around for Jordan's dead and/or mangled body. And you know she's going to be pretty. So Mac goes over to the dumpester (convenient, no?) and opens it. *scary music plays*
So I'm preparing to be confronted with the beaten-up dead body of a beautiful young woman, such as in the infamous laundrey epidsode---so nasty, but instead, a big scary black dude jumps out and attacks Mac!!! Well, clearly, he's not getting far with that. Mac was a Marine, dammit!!! So Mac goes all "The Few, the Proud, yada yada" on his ass, and Scary Black Dude (who, byt he way, is totally a different person from the Scary Black Dude referred to in every Alias episode...) ends up on the ground with Mac holding him down and Stella pointing a gun at his head. Now, if that was Flack, we would still be dreaming about it. But I'd be innocent, of course. And we'd run away together, and live happinly ever after...*ahem* Yeah, but it wasn't Flack. Moving on...
So I think they accuse Scary Black Dude of killing Jordan, or something, but we all know that because there are still twenty-five minutes left and he's clearly a convicted criminal, that that cannot be the answer!
A lot of other stuff happens that I don't really remember (I promise, next week's will be better- I'll protect the tape with my life...), but they end up finding Jordan at her parent's massive house doing "laundry". Uh-huh. Like Jordan has ever touched a washing machine in her life... When she doesn't admit to being the cause of the roommate's death, Stella goes all "I was and orphan and therefore have a ton of rage issues to work out" on her ass, and shoves an autopsy photo under poor Jordan's nose. Well, apparently this is a breach of due process, because they hadn't actually arrested Jordan for anything, and she was a teenage girl, which made her seem more vulnerable or something. Whatever. I'm younger than Jordan, and I think I could handle and autopsy photo without going crazy or something. Especially if Flack was in the room.
Anyhoodle, in the plot twist of the year (not), it turns out that Daddy has been freezing Jordan's credit accounts- forcing her to buy knockoffs of designer bags!!! *gasp* I don't know what I'd do!!!! And, in an ever bigger shocker, it turns out that Jordan was buying said rip-off bags from Scary Black Dude who may or may not have inadvertantly sold her a bag filled with heroin. I think it was heroin. Maybe it was coke. Not sure. Something dangerous and illegal, though.
Well, Jordan, who is clearly putting her incredibly expensive education to use, decides that rather than quietly take the bag back to the dealer, or just dump it, and avoid something unpleasent like being killed, she's going to go into business and sell the expenseive herion (I'm just going to call it heroin) to all of her friends. HA! Take that, Daddy! Jordan's back in business!!!
Well, as anyone who has half a brain cell can tell, this isn't going to work out so well for Jordan. And it's going to work out even worse for her poor, innocent roommate who only tried pot once (okay, can we stop applauding this? I've never tried it, and nobody gives me a medal!!!) and still ended up with his kidneys bashed in. Ouch. So Jordan goes to jail where I'm assuming her expense account will be even less than when Daddy cut her off!!! Poor baby.
So, what did we all learn from this week's episode??? Never jump Mac- no, not like that, you pervert. And don't shove a picture of a dead guy under a nineteen-year-old's nose- it caused irreperable harm. *rolls eyes* And DO NOT buy designer RIPOFFS!!! They will get you killed!!!
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