*tear* NO!!! They can't take this away from me!!! Please, Mr. Bruckheimer, I have so little in my life- at least let me keep my little fake friends with me during the summer! *tear* Okay, calming down...at least it will be in reruns, and CBS announced on Thursday that they were renewing it for another season, which is wonderful and totally deserved, because it really is getting better.
Okay, so I knew it was coming. The season had to end at some point, and it is almost the end of May, but I wasn't ready for it! I'm going to miss them- even Collogen Lips, because she was good for a laugh occasionsly. *sigh* But the season finale really was quite good, except for a little romantic rendezvous that we shall discuss later.
The story, in a nutshell, is that Mac is at his local coffee shop being hit on by some whore when some guy pulls a gun and starts shooting, killing one man and wounding the waitress. Mac decides to stay and help Amy, the waitress, rather than run after the shooter, because he is a kind, caring individual who would never be happy in a relationship with a woman who picks up guys at crime scenes. Amy's okay, but you know that she's got something to do with this because they pay way too much attention to her for just a waitress. Turns out the guy who was shot was wearing a wire, and working with the NYPD to catch somebody. But things went wrong when they saw Mac there, and for some reason the bad guy started shooting instead. I don't know, I was kind of distracted by Stella's cleavage that was being revealed by the minute as she got more and more desperate. But I digress...
Then the shooter was caught, but the Feds let him go, because clearly he had something more important to do for them, but he ended up getting shot anyway. At first they thought that Amy's brother did it, because the gun that killed Bad Guy was registered to him. And he was shifty looking. However, this is tantamount your release papers in CSI world, because clearly the guy who owned the gun could not have used it to kill somebody. That would be too easy. Then they discovered that, in her infinite teenage-girl wisdom, Amy had given the gun to her new boyfriend because she didn't feel safe with it. And New Boyfriend was involved with the shooting, and killed Bad Guy. Obviously, they tied this up much better than I am able to because I was concerned with Mac getting hurt again.
But the fact that an innocent girl was shot in the shoulder and a man was killed was not the most disturbing thing about this episode. No, it was the fact that, while Mac was innocently sitting at the counter drinking his coffee, some woman of questionable occupation comes and sits down next to him and starts flirting. *cough*WHORE!!!*cough* Clearly, she did not realize that his wife died and even if he were going to start dating again (because it has been three and a half years) he will simply marry Stella. Well, I know this, and was yelling it at her quite loudly throughout most of the show. Not that she listened. Thankfully, the shooting happened and interupped.
But then she goes and picks him up at the crime scene!!! How tacky is that???? I mean, the guy is laying there dead, and she's all "I don't usually do this, but if you want to meet for a drink or something...". UGH. And, Mac, just a tip- if she says she doesn't do it that often, chances are she's lying. Anyhoo, Mac actually takes her card!!! I believe this is when the swearing started.
But the really funny part is when Stella realizes that somebody else may have their claws into her last chance to have a baby. All of a sudden, the jacket comes off, and there is more and more cleavage being shown in each scene. In spite of all of this, Mac still decides to go out with this whore...no, Mac, no!!! I was screaming into a pillow by this time- I was that upset.
Ohm and the best part of the episode is the end, when Stella walks into the little CSI place in this backless, legless, practically frontless number that's spray painted on and offers to straighten Mac's tie. Stella maintains she has a date, but Imladris and I feel that she simply went home to cry into her Lean Cuisine or perhaps stalk social services. And Mac isn't even persuaded by this!!! Stella, who is so perfect for him and totally would understand his need to keep the beach ball around, is standing there wearing essentially dark Saran Wrap, and he still wants to meet this woman for a drink. *sob* What is wrong with you, Mac!?!?!?! How is that little hooker going to feel about the beach ball, huh? Do you think this is what Claire would want? NO! She wants you to get with the co-worker whom she knew and loved!! Ugh. *throws up hands*
So Mac is at a bar in a hotel with this chick for all summer. (Insert knife here.)
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Lost, Alias, and how ABC toys with my affections
Ah, yes...that time had come. It was Wednesday night, and I was all prepared to say goodbye to my little friends on the island and in the CIA. Mainly, because ABC had been running commericals all week proclaiming "The season finales of Lost and Alias- this Wednesday", and stupidly, I believed them.
I should know better than to do this. ABC has always had it in for me, starting with canceling Boston Legal for the rest of the season in favor of Grey's Anatomy which, while being a somewhat interesting show, has got to realize that we don't want to see our surgical interns acting like twelve-year-olds. I love my little brother dearly, but I don't want his peers operating on me!!! Anyhoo, they took that knife and twisted it last week when they announce that 8 Simple Rules was canceled. Now, I know it was hardly intelligent comedy, but really, what else did they have to put on on Friday nights?? Less than Perfect got to come back, and that didn't??? Even David Spade alone is funnier than half the cast of Less than Perfect. Grr. Let's just say the alphabet network and I have very rarely gotten along.
So I settle down to watch Lost. And it seems to be moving quite slowly. Frenchie comes back and goes all crazy and starts loading guns. Oh, and we learn who Alex is. Apparently, Frenchie was seven months pregnant when she crashed on the island (why do all these women travel so late in pregnancy?? Don't they know that's not great???), and gave birth to a little girl, Alex. But then a week later, Frenchie claims that "the black smoke came", which prompted my sister and I to remark "So there's no Pope?", and then the Others came and took Alex away from Frenchie.
Of course, this could have been the island chaptero f social services, because Frenchie is quite crazy (as evidenced by the machine gun she's holidng in her hands...freaky). Most of the smart castaways pretty much just roll their eyes and go "Okay, sure hon," but then the black smoke comes. Seriously, there's a big pillar of smoke coming from the center of the island. So they (???) follow it and discover that the black rock that we've been hearing about all season is actually a ship. What? Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.
Yeah, um, other than that, nothing much happens. Shannon looks moody, but perfectly coiffed. I want to see these perfectly put together girls start getting desperate and try to fashion tampons out of bamboo leaves. That w0uld be reality. Oh, and the group leaves on the raft. Big whup.
So I'm sitting there thinking, "Well, this really didn't clear anything up, except now I'm wondering about the black smoke. This kind of sucks as a finale," when (what do you know?) there's a commericial for next week's season finale of Lost. WHAT???? I just got worked up over nothing??? Grrr.
On to the next viewing choice of the evening, Alias. This one I was pretty convinced actually was the finale, because it was two hours, and again, ABC had been touting it as such for the past week. But no. This wasn't the real one either!!! I have to wait until next week (when they only give me an hour) to figure out what happens with the Rambaldi device and whether or not the world will end!!!! ARGH!!!
Just a couple of little details- Irina's alive, they found her cowering in a hold somewhere in Russia. Jack is still glowing, but now he's researching the Chernobyl incident and trying to figure out how to stop glowing. Irina hits Jack for trying to kill her, even though she's quite clearly alive. And she meets Nadia for the first time since giving birth. Awww...how sweet. I still can't figure that out, because she and Sydney look like they're exactly the same age. Oh, and Irina's sister Elena (Irina and Elena---haven't these people ever heard of normal names that don't sound exactly alike? What about Rachel? That's good, and doesn't sound like the rest of them!!) let loose the Rambaldi device and now the world is speeding towards armeggedon. But Vaughn proposed, which was so cute and so sweet and would have been perfect if it hadn't been on an army fighter jet.
So what did we learn this week? Don't trust ABC, it's come back to haunt you.
I should know better than to do this. ABC has always had it in for me, starting with canceling Boston Legal for the rest of the season in favor of Grey's Anatomy which, while being a somewhat interesting show, has got to realize that we don't want to see our surgical interns acting like twelve-year-olds. I love my little brother dearly, but I don't want his peers operating on me!!! Anyhoo, they took that knife and twisted it last week when they announce that 8 Simple Rules was canceled. Now, I know it was hardly intelligent comedy, but really, what else did they have to put on on Friday nights?? Less than Perfect got to come back, and that didn't??? Even David Spade alone is funnier than half the cast of Less than Perfect. Grr. Let's just say the alphabet network and I have very rarely gotten along.
So I settle down to watch Lost. And it seems to be moving quite slowly. Frenchie comes back and goes all crazy and starts loading guns. Oh, and we learn who Alex is. Apparently, Frenchie was seven months pregnant when she crashed on the island (why do all these women travel so late in pregnancy?? Don't they know that's not great???), and gave birth to a little girl, Alex. But then a week later, Frenchie claims that "the black smoke came", which prompted my sister and I to remark "So there's no Pope?", and then the Others came and took Alex away from Frenchie.
Of course, this could have been the island chaptero f social services, because Frenchie is quite crazy (as evidenced by the machine gun she's holidng in her hands...freaky). Most of the smart castaways pretty much just roll their eyes and go "Okay, sure hon," but then the black smoke comes. Seriously, there's a big pillar of smoke coming from the center of the island. So they (???) follow it and discover that the black rock that we've been hearing about all season is actually a ship. What? Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.
Yeah, um, other than that, nothing much happens. Shannon looks moody, but perfectly coiffed. I want to see these perfectly put together girls start getting desperate and try to fashion tampons out of bamboo leaves. That w0uld be reality. Oh, and the group leaves on the raft. Big whup.
So I'm sitting there thinking, "Well, this really didn't clear anything up, except now I'm wondering about the black smoke. This kind of sucks as a finale," when (what do you know?) there's a commericial for next week's season finale of Lost. WHAT???? I just got worked up over nothing??? Grrr.
On to the next viewing choice of the evening, Alias. This one I was pretty convinced actually was the finale, because it was two hours, and again, ABC had been touting it as such for the past week. But no. This wasn't the real one either!!! I have to wait until next week (when they only give me an hour) to figure out what happens with the Rambaldi device and whether or not the world will end!!!! ARGH!!!
Just a couple of little details- Irina's alive, they found her cowering in a hold somewhere in Russia. Jack is still glowing, but now he's researching the Chernobyl incident and trying to figure out how to stop glowing. Irina hits Jack for trying to kill her, even though she's quite clearly alive. And she meets Nadia for the first time since giving birth. Awww...how sweet. I still can't figure that out, because she and Sydney look like they're exactly the same age. Oh, and Irina's sister Elena (Irina and Elena---haven't these people ever heard of normal names that don't sound exactly alike? What about Rachel? That's good, and doesn't sound like the rest of them!!) let loose the Rambaldi device and now the world is speeding towards armeggedon. But Vaughn proposed, which was so cute and so sweet and would have been perfect if it hadn't been on an army fighter jet.
So what did we learn this week? Don't trust ABC, it's come back to haunt you.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Signs of the Apocolypse...
Okay, I have a confession to make. In a weak moment comprised of the fact that TBS was running Sex and the City instead of Friends reruns, and ABC was having their stupid "super-sized" episodes so Geoge Lopez wasn't off yet (FYI, Carmen's pregnant and engaged.), and that I thought it would be fun to write about in here, I watched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic on UPN last night. It was like a train wreck or perhaps Mr. Personality, you know there is no way that this oculd end prettily, without mass carnage, but you just couldn't tear your eyes away.
Well, that's not entirely true. I managed after ten or twelve minutes. It got disgusting. Especially when you thought about the fact that at this point, the white-trash guy on the other end of that damn camcorder may or may not have told his pregnant girlfriend that he was going to be a little bit late that night because he was roaming around London with a whore...sorry, Britney. Now, I don't approve of having children before marriage, but that woman still deserved some respect.
Anyhoo, it wasn't just the content matter that was disgusting, or the overwhelming stupidity that both Britney and Kevin brought to the screen (You wanted to just ask them, "Do you read? At all? Anything?"), it was the actual format of the show. Just the changing hair color that Britney sported was enough to make me feel nauseous, but the worst was the way it was shot. We've all knew (or at least me, who spends over a hundred dollars on entertainment magazines a year...I'm so weird...) that this was primarily composed of home videos that the happy couple themselves shot. What they failed to mention is that both of them absolutely SUCK as camera-people. I'm serious, I got cross-eyed and dizzy after a couple of minutes. That damn camera would not say steady- or focused. I'm still a little motion sick, and it's been thirteen hours.
And then they would cut up those fantastic videos with "Entirely New Exclusive Interviews"! Oh joy. At least it gave my eyes a rest, because the UPN person could keep the camera from moving, but what came out of their mouths was almost as nauseating. "Oh my gosh, baby, I love you so much," Britney expounds during one segment in that sickeningly Southern accent that I swear has gotten heavier since her "Oops I Did It Again" days. Why? He's ugly, and a scumbag, and looks like he smells!! And you had to buy your own friggin' engagment ring!!! How could you love that???? Ugh. Oooh, and she makes sure that we all know she's really shy in her personal life. Uh-huh. That really comes across when you're dancing in that dominatix outfit you sport so willingly every night during your concert. Stupidity disgusts me.
In the commercial, Britney asks "Can you handle my truth?" Well, if it means lying around a hotel room with a completely class-less scumbag who left his girlfriend and daughters to live off of your money and doing not much of anything except run around in track suits that cost enough to give several third-world children food for six months, then I guess the answer is no. Sorry. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. I just hope that baby they're having doesn't take after it's parents, because that would be a real shame.
Well, that's not entirely true. I managed after ten or twelve minutes. It got disgusting. Especially when you thought about the fact that at this point, the white-trash guy on the other end of that damn camcorder may or may not have told his pregnant girlfriend that he was going to be a little bit late that night because he was roaming around London with a whore...sorry, Britney. Now, I don't approve of having children before marriage, but that woman still deserved some respect.
Anyhoo, it wasn't just the content matter that was disgusting, or the overwhelming stupidity that both Britney and Kevin brought to the screen (You wanted to just ask them, "Do you read? At all? Anything?"), it was the actual format of the show. Just the changing hair color that Britney sported was enough to make me feel nauseous, but the worst was the way it was shot. We've all knew (or at least me, who spends over a hundred dollars on entertainment magazines a year...I'm so weird...) that this was primarily composed of home videos that the happy couple themselves shot. What they failed to mention is that both of them absolutely SUCK as camera-people. I'm serious, I got cross-eyed and dizzy after a couple of minutes. That damn camera would not say steady- or focused. I'm still a little motion sick, and it's been thirteen hours.
And then they would cut up those fantastic videos with "Entirely New Exclusive Interviews"! Oh joy. At least it gave my eyes a rest, because the UPN person could keep the camera from moving, but what came out of their mouths was almost as nauseating. "Oh my gosh, baby, I love you so much," Britney expounds during one segment in that sickeningly Southern accent that I swear has gotten heavier since her "Oops I Did It Again" days. Why? He's ugly, and a scumbag, and looks like he smells!! And you had to buy your own friggin' engagment ring!!! How could you love that???? Ugh. Oooh, and she makes sure that we all know she's really shy in her personal life. Uh-huh. That really comes across when you're dancing in that dominatix outfit you sport so willingly every night during your concert. Stupidity disgusts me.
In the commercial, Britney asks "Can you handle my truth?" Well, if it means lying around a hotel room with a completely class-less scumbag who left his girlfriend and daughters to live off of your money and doing not much of anything except run around in track suits that cost enough to give several third-world children food for six months, then I guess the answer is no. Sorry. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. I just hope that baby they're having doesn't take after it's parents, because that would be a real shame.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Alias- Killer Bees
Okay, this episode wasn't really about killer bees. That was just the first part and the only title I could think of , except perhaps "Writers had better stop putting in so many "tender" father/daughter sister/sister scenes or I'm going to throw up". I thought that would be nasty. Ooooh, and I have some news, from the venerable source TV Guide...
*SPOILER ALERT*
Okay, Lena Olin has definately been rehired. For those of you know don't know, Lena Olin plays Irina Derevkov, Sydney's Russian (what else?) mom who was bumped off by Daddy at the end of last season. She also had an affair with Sloane (the real one) and gave birth to Nadia, which leads me to constantly marvel on how one woman can have two such perfect looking daughters. 'Cause, really, I love Jack to death, but hardly fantastic genetic material, and Sloane? *gag*
Anyhoodles, she's not just back in flashbacks!!! She's still alive, which means Jack didn't off her, and therefore Sydney can stop being so awkward with him! Yay!
And Vaughn is going to propose!! Probably right before that freaky-ass Rambaldi armegeddon or something, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no?
*END SPOILER ALERT*
Alright, this was a really long, complicated episode with a lot of names that ended in -ov, and I really don't remember all those, so we're just going to summerize. It opened with Sloane Clone at some freaky monestary where all the monks were playing with bees. I guess they got tired of translating from Latin. Anyhoo, S.C. apparenlty knows the head priest at them monestary, who, in what is apparently an attempt to be modern, wears a black t-shirt instead of the Roman collar. I guess when you're raising killer bees to breed a super-race or something equally as implausible, tradition doesn't mean so much. Whatever. Well, this guy, Father Whats-His-Name (I'm pretty sure it ended in -ov, though), won't give S.C. what he wants. As we all know from the unfortunate belt-sander incident a couple of weeks ago, S.C. is not going to take this information lying down. Instead, he releases something into the air that causes all the bees (who were perfectly harmless before) to go all crazy and kill all the monks. Then S.C. shoots Father Whats-His-Name.
Honestly, that that's as much as I remember. Watch the season finale!!!
*SPOILER ALERT*
Okay, Lena Olin has definately been rehired. For those of you know don't know, Lena Olin plays Irina Derevkov, Sydney's Russian (what else?) mom who was bumped off by Daddy at the end of last season. She also had an affair with Sloane (the real one) and gave birth to Nadia, which leads me to constantly marvel on how one woman can have two such perfect looking daughters. 'Cause, really, I love Jack to death, but hardly fantastic genetic material, and Sloane? *gag*
Anyhoodles, she's not just back in flashbacks!!! She's still alive, which means Jack didn't off her, and therefore Sydney can stop being so awkward with him! Yay!
And Vaughn is going to propose!! Probably right before that freaky-ass Rambaldi armegeddon or something, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no?
*END SPOILER ALERT*
Alright, this was a really long, complicated episode with a lot of names that ended in -ov, and I really don't remember all those, so we're just going to summerize. It opened with Sloane Clone at some freaky monestary where all the monks were playing with bees. I guess they got tired of translating from Latin. Anyhoo, S.C. apparenlty knows the head priest at them monestary, who, in what is apparently an attempt to be modern, wears a black t-shirt instead of the Roman collar. I guess when you're raising killer bees to breed a super-race or something equally as implausible, tradition doesn't mean so much. Whatever. Well, this guy, Father Whats-His-Name (I'm pretty sure it ended in -ov, though), won't give S.C. what he wants. As we all know from the unfortunate belt-sander incident a couple of weeks ago, S.C. is not going to take this information lying down. Instead, he releases something into the air that causes all the bees (who were perfectly harmless before) to go all crazy and kill all the monks. Then S.C. shoots Father Whats-His-Name.
Honestly, that that's as much as I remember. Watch the season finale!!!
Lost- Hitchcock for the 21st Century
Okay, is anybody else feeling like this is kind of morphing into one long Hitchcock movie? I mean, the beginning is very "Charade"-like, and then the part with Kate showering in the beginning and the spooky music and the fact that she was a blond was kind of "Psycho"-ish. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because I love Hitchcock, it's just kind of different.
And then we have the bad '50s horror movies on the other half of the island. You know, Claire thinking her baby is the Spawn of Satan or whatever, and the glowing hatch that "Maybe wasn't meant to be opened from the outside." Well, Mr. Iraqi-Operative-Who-Killed-His-Best-Friend, where the hell else are you supposed to open it from??? Trust me, ABC needs this hit so badly that they're not going to have Martians coming out of it.
So just to briefly summerize the episode, Claire has gotten remarkably thin after being pregnant for like a year, and Charlie is presumably still taking care of the baby because we don't see it the whole episode. See? Even in the tropics, children can disappear on TV shows!!! My personal favorite of this nature is still baby Emma on Friends, who showed up in like three episodes, despite the fact that they never made any reference to who was taking care of her. Kate is getting desperate to get on that raft, because obviously if people come back to rescue them, they'll realize that Kate is wanted and then arrest her. Not good. So Kate figures if she just gets on that raft and then disappears once they hit land, she'll be fine. Sounds like a reasonable plan. Except that Sawyer has the last seat on the raft, and there is no way in hell he's giving it up. Uh-huh. On the other side of the island, Jack and Sayid and Locke are investigating the glowing hatch and Virgin Mary dolls filled with herion. Freaky. This is when Sayid comes out with his brilliant aformentioned comment about opening it. *rolls eyes* And what the hell made them all such good friends??? I mean, Jack was ready to kill Locke last week (although it was rather tasteless of him to show up still in his shirt drenched in Boone-blood), and Sayid has pretty much done nothing but Shannon for the last couple of weeks.
So this was kind of a tie it all up episode, where everybody finally learns that Kate was with the marshall, and that the little boy burned the raft, and that Sun is trying to poison her husband, which kind of makes it tedious for the audience because we knew all this (except the poisoning thing) before. But whatever.
We do get another flashback episode of Kate's, which is like three more than the rest of the cast has had. What about Jack?? Is he still married? Is he looking? What does he like in a woman? Okay, moving on... Anyway, we learn that Kate's mom had cancer, and Kate must have done something God-awful because when she goes to see Cancerous Mom, Cancerous Mom flips out and calls the doctor. I guess Kate doesn't like that, because she knocks the doctor out and ends up running from the police. Some how she ends up with her old childhood boyfriend, who is now married and has a little boy. For some inexplicable reason, they go and dig up their old time capsule, which contains (!!!) the little plane figure!!!! *gasp* And then Old Boyfriend gets shot when the police that Kate is running from miss her and kill him instead. So, in the space of about twenty minutes, Kate has met her old-but-now-married boyfriend, destroyed his life, kissed him, dug up an old box, terrorized her dying mother, and killed said old boyfriend. Boy, that girl can move!!!
So yeah, I'm still totally into this show, but it seems like it's getting kind of strange. And we do need to learn more about the other characters, although we were introduced to another one this week (weather guy). But at least we all know where that little plane came from, because let me tell you, that was bugging me!!
And then we have the bad '50s horror movies on the other half of the island. You know, Claire thinking her baby is the Spawn of Satan or whatever, and the glowing hatch that "Maybe wasn't meant to be opened from the outside." Well, Mr. Iraqi-Operative-Who-Killed-His-Best-Friend, where the hell else are you supposed to open it from??? Trust me, ABC needs this hit so badly that they're not going to have Martians coming out of it.
So just to briefly summerize the episode, Claire has gotten remarkably thin after being pregnant for like a year, and Charlie is presumably still taking care of the baby because we don't see it the whole episode. See? Even in the tropics, children can disappear on TV shows!!! My personal favorite of this nature is still baby Emma on Friends, who showed up in like three episodes, despite the fact that they never made any reference to who was taking care of her. Kate is getting desperate to get on that raft, because obviously if people come back to rescue them, they'll realize that Kate is wanted and then arrest her. Not good. So Kate figures if she just gets on that raft and then disappears once they hit land, she'll be fine. Sounds like a reasonable plan. Except that Sawyer has the last seat on the raft, and there is no way in hell he's giving it up. Uh-huh. On the other side of the island, Jack and Sayid and Locke are investigating the glowing hatch and Virgin Mary dolls filled with herion. Freaky. This is when Sayid comes out with his brilliant aformentioned comment about opening it. *rolls eyes* And what the hell made them all such good friends??? I mean, Jack was ready to kill Locke last week (although it was rather tasteless of him to show up still in his shirt drenched in Boone-blood), and Sayid has pretty much done nothing but Shannon for the last couple of weeks.
So this was kind of a tie it all up episode, where everybody finally learns that Kate was with the marshall, and that the little boy burned the raft, and that Sun is trying to poison her husband, which kind of makes it tedious for the audience because we knew all this (except the poisoning thing) before. But whatever.
We do get another flashback episode of Kate's, which is like three more than the rest of the cast has had. What about Jack?? Is he still married? Is he looking? What does he like in a woman? Okay, moving on... Anyway, we learn that Kate's mom had cancer, and Kate must have done something God-awful because when she goes to see Cancerous Mom, Cancerous Mom flips out and calls the doctor. I guess Kate doesn't like that, because she knocks the doctor out and ends up running from the police. Some how she ends up with her old childhood boyfriend, who is now married and has a little boy. For some inexplicable reason, they go and dig up their old time capsule, which contains (!!!) the little plane figure!!!! *gasp* And then Old Boyfriend gets shot when the police that Kate is running from miss her and kill him instead. So, in the space of about twenty minutes, Kate has met her old-but-now-married boyfriend, destroyed his life, kissed him, dug up an old box, terrorized her dying mother, and killed said old boyfriend. Boy, that girl can move!!!
So yeah, I'm still totally into this show, but it seems like it's getting kind of strange. And we do need to learn more about the other characters, although we were introduced to another one this week (weather guy). But at least we all know where that little plane came from, because let me tell you, that was bugging me!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
CSI: Miami- Reunion from Hell
Well, this week found the Miami-Dade CSI team with a plethora to attend to. First, somebody ends up dead at their high school reunion. Then, Horatio finds out some information about his "dead" brother. Meanwhile, Calleigh is experimenting with lip liner and Ryan is slowly morphing into Don Johnson circa "Miami Vice". Only one of those last two was successful. I'll give you a hint- it didn't involve a white jacket. Apparently he's moved on from being nasty to the other CSI's and now wants to make the audience suffer. What happened to the tasteful sweater vests he sported so adorably in the beginning of the season???
Anyway, there were, as usual, two crimes.
1.) High school star is found dead on the floor of a bathroom.
2.) Undercover cop that Horatio ran into a few weeks ago is now dead and somebody has processed the scene.
In the first crime, we see this guy who still spends way on his hair primping in the mens room at a reunion. And then we see somebody brain him with a champagne bottle. He falls to the ground, even though the bottle only hit him once, and didn't really seem to be that serious. I guess he had to be dead, though.
Within minutes, all the little CSI's flood the scene. Alexx, being the perceptive one in the group, states upon seeing the large welt that really could not have come from a single blow by a bottle that didn't even break, that "He died of blunt force trauma." No kidding. I hate it when they oversimplfy things. Only then to they check his name tag (with a name on it that I forgot so we'll just call him the Man Slut) and realize that he was quite the thing in high school. You know, the whole quarterback, student body president, yada yada yada. We got it, he was popular. I can't believe that I forgot the little bon mot that Horatio got in before the credits, because it was really good. Can you help me out with this one, Imladris?
Back from commericals, Ryan and Calleigh go talk to Man Slut's wife, Jennie. Guess what? In a totally un-CSI-like turn (because, you know, they never have pretty, popular people on :p), Jennie was also head cheerleader! Isn't that cute? Quarterback and head cheerleader together after all these years! Awww... Until Ryan has to break the news that Man Slut has a "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" or something. Jennie, who knows way too much about the layers of the human epidermis for somebody in a dress that looks like hers, immediately asks "A hickey?" Hehehehe...now, depite having the muscle layers down, Jennie's not smart enough to save face and say she gave it to him, she has to flip out and yell about how he was a man slut...hence the name.
So the CSI's jump to interrogating the one unattractive person there, and even she has a good body. (Side note: I don't know why I watch this show. It's depressing.) Apparently, she was Man Slut's little plaything in high school, and "just wanted to get that feeling back".
Oh, gag me. What kind of feeling do way-too-impressed-with-themselves high school guys give you? That Awkward where-do-I-put-my-nose feeling? I don't want that now- much less in fifteen years when you're all supposed to have moved on. And a BATHROOM??? Come on, at least get a room, its a friggin hotel for goodness sakes!!!
Well, Man Slut apparently hasn't changed in the fifteen years since high school, and only wanted Unattractive Girl for one thing---and Unattractive Girl has apparently gained a smidgen of self respect (although not much judging from the dress) and dumps him. Well, it's only twenty after by the time she admits this. She had motive, opportunity, and admitted to holding the murder weapon.
Of course, this means she's not guilty.
Meanwhile, back in the lab, they find sand crystals on the bottle of champagne, which they trace to the Bahamas. Conveniently, Calleigh and Don...sorry, Ryan, remember reading in the yearbooks that the senior class trip was to the Bahamas.
Author's Note: What kind of high school is this? They get to go to the Bahamas??? Every high school I know goes to a Six Flags or something. See, everybody is rich on CSI, too!!!
So Calleigh and Ryan end up back at the hotel trying to question Krystal, who hasn't realized that she's not seventeen anymore and should probably be concerned with something other than high school. While they're trying to corner Krystal, they run into this creepy insurance guy who crashes reunions and sells life insurance to desperate drunk ex-cheerleaders. While carrying around a creepy mortality clock. Well, Insurance Guy tells Calleigh that he sold Jennie a million dollar life insurance policy for Man Slut the nigh before.
The suspect list so far...
1.) Jennie- motive, opportunity, and a million reasons to want him dead: Not Guilty
2.) Unattractive Girl- motive, opportunity, and a murder weapon: Not Guilty
3.) Other Guy who was pissed at Man Slut for ruining the grading curve (I forgot where he came in, but thought I should mention him)- motive, opportunity, and again, he held the murder weapon: Not Guilty
Now, in the real world, all three of these people would be in custody awaitng trial. But not in CSI world!!! No- something about Insurance Guy sets them off. Turns out he did atend school at whatever school this was, but only for a year.
Yeah, it takes about three second with H for the whole story to come pouring out. Insurance Guy, who's name is actually Danny, was a little wimp, so Man Slut tied him up with duct tape, gagged him, and left him in the gym locker over night. Not nice. Apparently, duct tape burns, so Danny now has skin grafts and one hell of a grudge against Man Slut. So he went to the reunion, confronted Man Slut in the bathroom, and got royally pissed off when Man Slut didn't remember what he did to him.
Now, I know this probably wasn't the first thing of the sort Man Slut did, but don't you think you'd remember if you deprived a kid of oxygen for fourteen hours? And wouldn't he have ben suspended and, oh, arrested when Danny finally was untied and told them who did it???
Well, Danny doesn't take kindly to not being remember, and goes beserk and kills Man Slut with the bottle of champagne that Unattractive Girl left after giving Man Slut the "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" - which I just love to say!!! This allows Calleigh to look at the mortality clock he's still dragging around and say "It counts down the number of seconds left in someone's life...or their life sentence." Ooh- nice one, Calleigh!! You've been talking to H, haven't you???
The other crime I totally don't get. It's all very dark, Alias-like, with a scary guy trying to get Horatio to stop asking questions. As the little summery state, the undercover cop ended up dead. But somebody has already processed the scene. When Horatio and the gang pulled in a drug guy for quesitoning, the feds busted into the room and took him away in custody. Huh? I don't know what the hell is going on, except Horatio tells Yelena (who's accent has decreased since last week...) that it's possible Ray is still alive. Damn. Now this just complicates things, because obviously Horatio and Yelena are meant to be together!!!!! ARGH!!! They never listen!!!!!
Anyway, there were, as usual, two crimes.
1.) High school star is found dead on the floor of a bathroom.
2.) Undercover cop that Horatio ran into a few weeks ago is now dead and somebody has processed the scene.
In the first crime, we see this guy who still spends way on his hair primping in the mens room at a reunion. And then we see somebody brain him with a champagne bottle. He falls to the ground, even though the bottle only hit him once, and didn't really seem to be that serious. I guess he had to be dead, though.
Within minutes, all the little CSI's flood the scene. Alexx, being the perceptive one in the group, states upon seeing the large welt that really could not have come from a single blow by a bottle that didn't even break, that "He died of blunt force trauma." No kidding. I hate it when they oversimplfy things. Only then to they check his name tag (with a name on it that I forgot so we'll just call him the Man Slut) and realize that he was quite the thing in high school. You know, the whole quarterback, student body president, yada yada yada. We got it, he was popular. I can't believe that I forgot the little bon mot that Horatio got in before the credits, because it was really good. Can you help me out with this one, Imladris?
Back from commericals, Ryan and Calleigh go talk to Man Slut's wife, Jennie. Guess what? In a totally un-CSI-like turn (because, you know, they never have pretty, popular people on :p), Jennie was also head cheerleader! Isn't that cute? Quarterback and head cheerleader together after all these years! Awww... Until Ryan has to break the news that Man Slut has a "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" or something. Jennie, who knows way too much about the layers of the human epidermis for somebody in a dress that looks like hers, immediately asks "A hickey?" Hehehehe...now, depite having the muscle layers down, Jennie's not smart enough to save face and say she gave it to him, she has to flip out and yell about how he was a man slut...hence the name.
So the CSI's jump to interrogating the one unattractive person there, and even she has a good body. (Side note: I don't know why I watch this show. It's depressing.) Apparently, she was Man Slut's little plaything in high school, and "just wanted to get that feeling back".
Oh, gag me. What kind of feeling do way-too-impressed-with-themselves high school guys give you? That Awkward where-do-I-put-my-nose feeling? I don't want that now- much less in fifteen years when you're all supposed to have moved on. And a BATHROOM??? Come on, at least get a room, its a friggin hotel for goodness sakes!!!
Well, Man Slut apparently hasn't changed in the fifteen years since high school, and only wanted Unattractive Girl for one thing---and Unattractive Girl has apparently gained a smidgen of self respect (although not much judging from the dress) and dumps him. Well, it's only twenty after by the time she admits this. She had motive, opportunity, and admitted to holding the murder weapon.
Of course, this means she's not guilty.
Meanwhile, back in the lab, they find sand crystals on the bottle of champagne, which they trace to the Bahamas. Conveniently, Calleigh and Don...sorry, Ryan, remember reading in the yearbooks that the senior class trip was to the Bahamas.
Author's Note: What kind of high school is this? They get to go to the Bahamas??? Every high school I know goes to a Six Flags or something. See, everybody is rich on CSI, too!!!
So Calleigh and Ryan end up back at the hotel trying to question Krystal, who hasn't realized that she's not seventeen anymore and should probably be concerned with something other than high school. While they're trying to corner Krystal, they run into this creepy insurance guy who crashes reunions and sells life insurance to desperate drunk ex-cheerleaders. While carrying around a creepy mortality clock. Well, Insurance Guy tells Calleigh that he sold Jennie a million dollar life insurance policy for Man Slut the nigh before.
The suspect list so far...
1.) Jennie- motive, opportunity, and a million reasons to want him dead: Not Guilty
2.) Unattractive Girl- motive, opportunity, and a murder weapon: Not Guilty
3.) Other Guy who was pissed at Man Slut for ruining the grading curve (I forgot where he came in, but thought I should mention him)- motive, opportunity, and again, he held the murder weapon: Not Guilty
Now, in the real world, all three of these people would be in custody awaitng trial. But not in CSI world!!! No- something about Insurance Guy sets them off. Turns out he did atend school at whatever school this was, but only for a year.
Yeah, it takes about three second with H for the whole story to come pouring out. Insurance Guy, who's name is actually Danny, was a little wimp, so Man Slut tied him up with duct tape, gagged him, and left him in the gym locker over night. Not nice. Apparently, duct tape burns, so Danny now has skin grafts and one hell of a grudge against Man Slut. So he went to the reunion, confronted Man Slut in the bathroom, and got royally pissed off when Man Slut didn't remember what he did to him.
Now, I know this probably wasn't the first thing of the sort Man Slut did, but don't you think you'd remember if you deprived a kid of oxygen for fourteen hours? And wouldn't he have ben suspended and, oh, arrested when Danny finally was untied and told them who did it???
Well, Danny doesn't take kindly to not being remember, and goes beserk and kills Man Slut with the bottle of champagne that Unattractive Girl left after giving Man Slut the "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" - which I just love to say!!! This allows Calleigh to look at the mortality clock he's still dragging around and say "It counts down the number of seconds left in someone's life...or their life sentence." Ooh- nice one, Calleigh!! You've been talking to H, haven't you???
The other crime I totally don't get. It's all very dark, Alias-like, with a scary guy trying to get Horatio to stop asking questions. As the little summery state, the undercover cop ended up dead. But somebody has already processed the scene. When Horatio and the gang pulled in a drug guy for quesitoning, the feds busted into the room and took him away in custody. Huh? I don't know what the hell is going on, except Horatio tells Yelena (who's accent has decreased since last week...) that it's possible Ray is still alive. Damn. Now this just complicates things, because obviously Horatio and Yelena are meant to be together!!!!! ARGH!!! They never listen!!!!!
CSI:NY- Reflections on Flack
I actually had this entire review written out and finished and then blogger.com decided to have some maintenence time. Bugger. So I lost everything. As a result, I think this might be somewhat shorter, because I also want to finish the CSI: Miami entry from a couple of weeks ago, and also do one from last night. So, with that in mind, on with the show...
This was a very complicated episode. There were two story lines, but the first one is the biggest and probably has the most repercussions for the rest of the season, so I'll start with this one. Danny and some other guy were in an apartment or something, and then Danny ended up chasing the guy to the subway before shooting and killing the guy. Except the guy that ends up dead turns out to be a cop. Oooh. Right there you know there's going to be issues.
Author's Note: I missed the first five minutes due to the fact that i was watching Alias. ABC really needs to learn to keep their shows ending on time. So I kind of just pieced together the beginning. I am sure that they were in a subway, and that the cop was dead. Anyhoodle...
So of course, the IAB (Internal Affairs Bureau) just has to get involved. And of course, the IAB guys are big and scary and clearly corrupt. And, of course, Danny has to go shooting off his mouth and tell the IAB guys everything, despite the fact that Mac so clearly and fatherly warned him to just stay quiet for awhile, because he didn't actually have to give a statement for thirty-six hours or some arbitrary rule or something.
Danny, why do you do this??? Come on, man- you've got mob ties and a shifty beard and then you go tell the IAB stuff that would just be better left unsaid. Listen to Mac!! He was a Marine, dammit, and was looking out for you, and is clearly smarter because he doesn't spend his entire work day flirting with Aiden, thank God, because that would just be weird, and was just looking out for your best interest!!! So just listen to Mac and SHUT UP already!!!! Because if you get fired, the writers are going to have to have Flack drool over Collegan Lips to give the public the romance they're all clamoring for (or they think they're clamoring for) and that would devestate me. Sheesh.
Back to our story, Danny maintains (while giving an unauthorized-by-Mac statement to the IAB...idiot) that the cop, who was undercover, never identified himself, and was standing right where the bad guy was, so he was almost justified in shooting him. Well, the CSI's go back to their handy little audio tape (because, really, every crime is caught on tape, right?), and find out that Danny isn't telling the right story. The officer did identify himself, right before Danny fired the last two fatal shots. Bummer. Of course, Danny has already opened up that big piehole of his, so the IAB has him down as a liar. Big bummer.
Yeah, this story doesn't actually get resolved, because Danny really did kill the guy, and he's going to have to live with that. It ends with a pissed-off Mac telling a dejected-looking Danny that he really shouldn't have hired him in the first place, and that he was off the promotion list, which doesn't seem quite so bad to me, unless Danny to aspires to pull down the 98k that Stella and Mac do. Which I totally would want if I had to deal with blood and gore all day. Anyway, I think this was part of their attempt to bring the stories around to more character-driven stories as oppsed to neat little crimes that are tied up in forty-six minutes.
The other crime was pretty small- a foreign, probably illegal, nanny was found dead in a bathroom in a park. (See, never use public bathrooms!!!) Stella has to work this one alone, because everybody else is combing the entire subway system trying to clear Danny while he's off giving imprudent interviews. It actually gets wrapped up pretty quickly- the nanny's other nanny friends created a little theft ring and when Dead Nanny wanted out, Indian Nanny killed her. Which is rather implausible, because Indian Nanny was like shorter than me (and that's hard to do), and weighed ninety five pounds and how she could take down a five-eight normal-sized (well, for CSI anyway- she was probably a four or something obscene like that. Hate skinny people.) woman I don't really understand. But that's not really the issue.
Continuing with the whole "CSI's are real people" theory, Stella has to take the baby that Dead Nanny was caring for and make sure she's okay. Well, this is the most adorable little baby girl you've ever seen. Even cuter than the one on CSI: Miami a couple of weeks ago. And it has loser parents who haven't shown up yet, which is pretty much par for the course as far as CSI goes- all the parents are losers.
And while Stella is examining the baby, Daniella, you can practically hear her biological clock ticking. In fact, I'm guessing that she left social services, went back to her apartment, and cried over her Lean Cuisine about how she and Mac should have several kids by now.
See? Stella and Mac have got to get together!!! Stella is clearly has maternal instincts, because she practically smuggled poor little abandoned Daniella out of social services, and Mac needs something more than a beachball to love, and WHY DON'T THSE CSI WOMEN EVER LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL THEM WHO THEY SHOULD BE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????????? Grrr. This is what the public wants, not Danny and Aiden trading cute little bondage jokes over dinner. Bruckheimer had better clear this up or I'll have to retract my offer to give him my first born. Argh.
Anyhoo, I simply must say something about Flack in this episode (hence the title). He was superb. And he tackles a guy. Like against a wall. In a hot trench coat. With that cute little Brooklyn accent. *thud* Is it hot in here??? You know, they really need to give him more airtime. Maybe with Danny "off the promotion list" or whatever, that'll happen finally!!! In fact, I think we should just have a CSI: Flack. Hmm? He could just tackle guys and interrogate rapists (like that really hot Christmas episode that I still have on tape...I'm odd...)...oooh, maybe he could be sensitive like Ryan and Stella and take care on a little abandoned baby!!! That would be sweet!!!! I'm going to go have happy fantasies in my head... ;)
New episodes of all my shows tonight, so I'll there will be a ton of stuff up today and tomorrow!!!
This was a very complicated episode. There were two story lines, but the first one is the biggest and probably has the most repercussions for the rest of the season, so I'll start with this one. Danny and some other guy were in an apartment or something, and then Danny ended up chasing the guy to the subway before shooting and killing the guy. Except the guy that ends up dead turns out to be a cop. Oooh. Right there you know there's going to be issues.
Author's Note: I missed the first five minutes due to the fact that i was watching Alias. ABC really needs to learn to keep their shows ending on time. So I kind of just pieced together the beginning. I am sure that they were in a subway, and that the cop was dead. Anyhoodle...
So of course, the IAB (Internal Affairs Bureau) just has to get involved. And of course, the IAB guys are big and scary and clearly corrupt. And, of course, Danny has to go shooting off his mouth and tell the IAB guys everything, despite the fact that Mac so clearly and fatherly warned him to just stay quiet for awhile, because he didn't actually have to give a statement for thirty-six hours or some arbitrary rule or something.
Danny, why do you do this??? Come on, man- you've got mob ties and a shifty beard and then you go tell the IAB stuff that would just be better left unsaid. Listen to Mac!! He was a Marine, dammit, and was looking out for you, and is clearly smarter because he doesn't spend his entire work day flirting with Aiden, thank God, because that would just be weird, and was just looking out for your best interest!!! So just listen to Mac and SHUT UP already!!!! Because if you get fired, the writers are going to have to have Flack drool over Collegan Lips to give the public the romance they're all clamoring for (or they think they're clamoring for) and that would devestate me. Sheesh.
Back to our story, Danny maintains (while giving an unauthorized-by-Mac statement to the IAB...idiot) that the cop, who was undercover, never identified himself, and was standing right where the bad guy was, so he was almost justified in shooting him. Well, the CSI's go back to their handy little audio tape (because, really, every crime is caught on tape, right?), and find out that Danny isn't telling the right story. The officer did identify himself, right before Danny fired the last two fatal shots. Bummer. Of course, Danny has already opened up that big piehole of his, so the IAB has him down as a liar. Big bummer.
Yeah, this story doesn't actually get resolved, because Danny really did kill the guy, and he's going to have to live with that. It ends with a pissed-off Mac telling a dejected-looking Danny that he really shouldn't have hired him in the first place, and that he was off the promotion list, which doesn't seem quite so bad to me, unless Danny to aspires to pull down the 98k that Stella and Mac do. Which I totally would want if I had to deal with blood and gore all day. Anyway, I think this was part of their attempt to bring the stories around to more character-driven stories as oppsed to neat little crimes that are tied up in forty-six minutes.
The other crime was pretty small- a foreign, probably illegal, nanny was found dead in a bathroom in a park. (See, never use public bathrooms!!!) Stella has to work this one alone, because everybody else is combing the entire subway system trying to clear Danny while he's off giving imprudent interviews. It actually gets wrapped up pretty quickly- the nanny's other nanny friends created a little theft ring and when Dead Nanny wanted out, Indian Nanny killed her. Which is rather implausible, because Indian Nanny was like shorter than me (and that's hard to do), and weighed ninety five pounds and how she could take down a five-eight normal-sized (well, for CSI anyway- she was probably a four or something obscene like that. Hate skinny people.) woman I don't really understand. But that's not really the issue.
Continuing with the whole "CSI's are real people" theory, Stella has to take the baby that Dead Nanny was caring for and make sure she's okay. Well, this is the most adorable little baby girl you've ever seen. Even cuter than the one on CSI: Miami a couple of weeks ago. And it has loser parents who haven't shown up yet, which is pretty much par for the course as far as CSI goes- all the parents are losers.
And while Stella is examining the baby, Daniella, you can practically hear her biological clock ticking. In fact, I'm guessing that she left social services, went back to her apartment, and cried over her Lean Cuisine about how she and Mac should have several kids by now.
See? Stella and Mac have got to get together!!! Stella is clearly has maternal instincts, because she practically smuggled poor little abandoned Daniella out of social services, and Mac needs something more than a beachball to love, and WHY DON'T THSE CSI WOMEN EVER LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL THEM WHO THEY SHOULD BE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????????? Grrr. This is what the public wants, not Danny and Aiden trading cute little bondage jokes over dinner. Bruckheimer had better clear this up or I'll have to retract my offer to give him my first born. Argh.
Anyhoo, I simply must say something about Flack in this episode (hence the title). He was superb. And he tackles a guy. Like against a wall. In a hot trench coat. With that cute little Brooklyn accent. *thud* Is it hot in here??? You know, they really need to give him more airtime. Maybe with Danny "off the promotion list" or whatever, that'll happen finally!!! In fact, I think we should just have a CSI: Flack. Hmm? He could just tackle guys and interrogate rapists (like that really hot Christmas episode that I still have on tape...I'm odd...)...oooh, maybe he could be sensitive like Ryan and Stella and take care on a little abandoned baby!!! That would be sweet!!!! I'm going to go have happy fantasies in my head... ;)
New episodes of all my shows tonight, so I'll there will be a ton of stuff up today and tomorrow!!!
Sunday, May 01, 2005
CSI:NY- Pretty Little Rich Girls with WAY too much time on their hands...
Okay, as my comment on the last post attests, I lost the tape for this episode because I forgot to stop the ER tape. I'm an idiot. But I did watch it, and remember almost everything, I think, so I'll do my best. This is all for you, Imladris, but you have to promise to read the Alias ones, too. I work hard on those!!! This one will be kind of shorter, though, because I don't really remember itty bitty details. But I'm trying desperately to avoid my bio project, history test, and political science paper, so you're gettinga review! (Maybe I could just turn in a compliation of my Alias reviews as my communism paper---they've pretty much got that down!)
We open in what appears to be a dorm, even though I'm not entirely sure where they'd put a dorm in New York. A pretty girl (of course she's pretty- even the doomed ones are pretty on CSI) is studying, and there is loud obnoxious music playing in the background. Pretty Girl gets pissed off that the said music is disturbing her studying, and so she starts yelling and banging on the walls. When this has ever worked in New York, I'm not sure. So the music inexplicably stops for a minute, and we hear a gunshot.
Now, this is when the real world and this other, strange, parallel universe break up. A normal person would scream, faint, and/or call 911. Not this girl- she goes to investigate where this gunshot came from, eventually finding the dead, slighly mangled body lying on the floor of one of the other apartments. And the place has been ransacked, which always signals drugs or something.
All the little CSIs rush to the scene and start processing it...and this is actually one episode where they all work on the same case. Mac says something "witty" like "Exams have never been this deadly" or something that suggests he's been on the phone to Miami quite a lot trading bon mots with Horatio. Anyhoodles, they jump inexplicably to the fact that drugs perpetrated this assault, and start looking for the roommate whose cell phone they found by the exit. Now, usually, I don't agree with or understand how the CSI's can go from one tiny piece of incriminateing evidence to arresting the right guy within ten seconds (even with their equiptment), but this time it does look like the roommate was kidnapped. I don't know a single girl who takes the time to put sequins on her pink cell phone and then drop it on the floor. They take the body out to be autopsied and start looking for the missing roommate, Jordan (who is actually a girl. Maybe that's why student housing put her with a dude.). During all this, Flack is standing in the background looking quite lovely in his trenchcoat. Mmmmm. Love me some Flack. *ahem* Moving on...
Okay, so they move the dead guy out and Mac and Stella somehow end up in an alley. I don't remember if it was ever explianed, or if they just magically decided that this alley (out of the millions in New York City) was the one where they were going to find incriminating evidence. Whatever. They're there. And they- shocker!- find the roommate's (who by now we know is named Jordan---why the hell would two filthy rich, inexplicably gorgeous people name their baby girl Jordan?????? I hate people who don't agree with me!!) purse. But wait- this isn't incriminating enough! The strap is broken!! No! That means that she must have been involved in a little scuffle! So, being the cynical folks that they are, Mac and Stella (STEWWWAAA...hehehehe) start looking around for Jordan's dead and/or mangled body. And you know she's going to be pretty. So Mac goes over to the dumpester (convenient, no?) and opens it. *scary music plays*
So I'm preparing to be confronted with the beaten-up dead body of a beautiful young woman, such as in the infamous laundrey epidsode---so nasty, but instead, a big scary black dude jumps out and attacks Mac!!! Well, clearly, he's not getting far with that. Mac was a Marine, dammit!!! So Mac goes all "The Few, the Proud, yada yada" on his ass, and Scary Black Dude (who, byt he way, is totally a different person from the Scary Black Dude referred to in every Alias episode...) ends up on the ground with Mac holding him down and Stella pointing a gun at his head. Now, if that was Flack, we would still be dreaming about it. But I'd be innocent, of course. And we'd run away together, and live happinly ever after...*ahem* Yeah, but it wasn't Flack. Moving on...
So I think they accuse Scary Black Dude of killing Jordan, or something, but we all know that because there are still twenty-five minutes left and he's clearly a convicted criminal, that that cannot be the answer!
A lot of other stuff happens that I don't really remember (I promise, next week's will be better- I'll protect the tape with my life...), but they end up finding Jordan at her parent's massive house doing "laundry". Uh-huh. Like Jordan has ever touched a washing machine in her life... When she doesn't admit to being the cause of the roommate's death, Stella goes all "I was and orphan and therefore have a ton of rage issues to work out" on her ass, and shoves an autopsy photo under poor Jordan's nose. Well, apparently this is a breach of due process, because they hadn't actually arrested Jordan for anything, and she was a teenage girl, which made her seem more vulnerable or something. Whatever. I'm younger than Jordan, and I think I could handle and autopsy photo without going crazy or something. Especially if Flack was in the room.
Anyhoodle, in the plot twist of the year (not), it turns out that Daddy has been freezing Jordan's credit accounts- forcing her to buy knockoffs of designer bags!!! *gasp* I don't know what I'd do!!!! And, in an ever bigger shocker, it turns out that Jordan was buying said rip-off bags from Scary Black Dude who may or may not have inadvertantly sold her a bag filled with heroin. I think it was heroin. Maybe it was coke. Not sure. Something dangerous and illegal, though.
Well, Jordan, who is clearly putting her incredibly expensive education to use, decides that rather than quietly take the bag back to the dealer, or just dump it, and avoid something unpleasent like being killed, she's going to go into business and sell the expenseive herion (I'm just going to call it heroin) to all of her friends. HA! Take that, Daddy! Jordan's back in business!!!
Well, as anyone who has half a brain cell can tell, this isn't going to work out so well for Jordan. And it's going to work out even worse for her poor, innocent roommate who only tried pot once (okay, can we stop applauding this? I've never tried it, and nobody gives me a medal!!!) and still ended up with his kidneys bashed in. Ouch. So Jordan goes to jail where I'm assuming her expense account will be even less than when Daddy cut her off!!! Poor baby.
So, what did we all learn from this week's episode??? Never jump Mac- no, not like that, you pervert. And don't shove a picture of a dead guy under a nineteen-year-old's nose- it caused irreperable harm. *rolls eyes* And DO NOT buy designer RIPOFFS!!! They will get you killed!!!
We open in what appears to be a dorm, even though I'm not entirely sure where they'd put a dorm in New York. A pretty girl (of course she's pretty- even the doomed ones are pretty on CSI) is studying, and there is loud obnoxious music playing in the background. Pretty Girl gets pissed off that the said music is disturbing her studying, and so she starts yelling and banging on the walls. When this has ever worked in New York, I'm not sure. So the music inexplicably stops for a minute, and we hear a gunshot.
Now, this is when the real world and this other, strange, parallel universe break up. A normal person would scream, faint, and/or call 911. Not this girl- she goes to investigate where this gunshot came from, eventually finding the dead, slighly mangled body lying on the floor of one of the other apartments. And the place has been ransacked, which always signals drugs or something.
All the little CSIs rush to the scene and start processing it...and this is actually one episode where they all work on the same case. Mac says something "witty" like "Exams have never been this deadly" or something that suggests he's been on the phone to Miami quite a lot trading bon mots with Horatio. Anyhoodles, they jump inexplicably to the fact that drugs perpetrated this assault, and start looking for the roommate whose cell phone they found by the exit. Now, usually, I don't agree with or understand how the CSI's can go from one tiny piece of incriminateing evidence to arresting the right guy within ten seconds (even with their equiptment), but this time it does look like the roommate was kidnapped. I don't know a single girl who takes the time to put sequins on her pink cell phone and then drop it on the floor. They take the body out to be autopsied and start looking for the missing roommate, Jordan (who is actually a girl. Maybe that's why student housing put her with a dude.). During all this, Flack is standing in the background looking quite lovely in his trenchcoat. Mmmmm. Love me some Flack. *ahem* Moving on...
Okay, so they move the dead guy out and Mac and Stella somehow end up in an alley. I don't remember if it was ever explianed, or if they just magically decided that this alley (out of the millions in New York City) was the one where they were going to find incriminating evidence. Whatever. They're there. And they- shocker!- find the roommate's (who by now we know is named Jordan---why the hell would two filthy rich, inexplicably gorgeous people name their baby girl Jordan?????? I hate people who don't agree with me!!) purse. But wait- this isn't incriminating enough! The strap is broken!! No! That means that she must have been involved in a little scuffle! So, being the cynical folks that they are, Mac and Stella (STEWWWAAA...hehehehe) start looking around for Jordan's dead and/or mangled body. And you know she's going to be pretty. So Mac goes over to the dumpester (convenient, no?) and opens it. *scary music plays*
So I'm preparing to be confronted with the beaten-up dead body of a beautiful young woman, such as in the infamous laundrey epidsode---so nasty, but instead, a big scary black dude jumps out and attacks Mac!!! Well, clearly, he's not getting far with that. Mac was a Marine, dammit!!! So Mac goes all "The Few, the Proud, yada yada" on his ass, and Scary Black Dude (who, byt he way, is totally a different person from the Scary Black Dude referred to in every Alias episode...) ends up on the ground with Mac holding him down and Stella pointing a gun at his head. Now, if that was Flack, we would still be dreaming about it. But I'd be innocent, of course. And we'd run away together, and live happinly ever after...*ahem* Yeah, but it wasn't Flack. Moving on...
So I think they accuse Scary Black Dude of killing Jordan, or something, but we all know that because there are still twenty-five minutes left and he's clearly a convicted criminal, that that cannot be the answer!
A lot of other stuff happens that I don't really remember (I promise, next week's will be better- I'll protect the tape with my life...), but they end up finding Jordan at her parent's massive house doing "laundry". Uh-huh. Like Jordan has ever touched a washing machine in her life... When she doesn't admit to being the cause of the roommate's death, Stella goes all "I was and orphan and therefore have a ton of rage issues to work out" on her ass, and shoves an autopsy photo under poor Jordan's nose. Well, apparently this is a breach of due process, because they hadn't actually arrested Jordan for anything, and she was a teenage girl, which made her seem more vulnerable or something. Whatever. I'm younger than Jordan, and I think I could handle and autopsy photo without going crazy or something. Especially if Flack was in the room.
Anyhoodle, in the plot twist of the year (not), it turns out that Daddy has been freezing Jordan's credit accounts- forcing her to buy knockoffs of designer bags!!! *gasp* I don't know what I'd do!!!! And, in an ever bigger shocker, it turns out that Jordan was buying said rip-off bags from Scary Black Dude who may or may not have inadvertantly sold her a bag filled with heroin. I think it was heroin. Maybe it was coke. Not sure. Something dangerous and illegal, though.
Well, Jordan, who is clearly putting her incredibly expensive education to use, decides that rather than quietly take the bag back to the dealer, or just dump it, and avoid something unpleasent like being killed, she's going to go into business and sell the expenseive herion (I'm just going to call it heroin) to all of her friends. HA! Take that, Daddy! Jordan's back in business!!!
Well, as anyone who has half a brain cell can tell, this isn't going to work out so well for Jordan. And it's going to work out even worse for her poor, innocent roommate who only tried pot once (okay, can we stop applauding this? I've never tried it, and nobody gives me a medal!!!) and still ended up with his kidneys bashed in. Ouch. So Jordan goes to jail where I'm assuming her expense account will be even less than when Daddy cut her off!!! Poor baby.
So, what did we all learn from this week's episode??? Never jump Mac- no, not like that, you pervert. And don't shove a picture of a dead guy under a nineteen-year-old's nose- it caused irreperable harm. *rolls eyes* And DO NOT buy designer RIPOFFS!!! They will get you killed!!!
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