CSI: Miami- Reunion from Hell

Well, this week found the Miami-Dade CSI team with a plethora to attend to. First, somebody ends up dead at their high school reunion. Then, Horatio finds out some information about his "dead" brother. Meanwhile, Calleigh is experimenting with lip liner and Ryan is slowly morphing into Don Johnson circa "Miami Vice". Only one of those last two was successful. I'll give you a hint- it didn't involve a white jacket. Apparently he's moved on from being nasty to the other CSI's and now wants to make the audience suffer. What happened to the tasteful sweater vests he sported so adorably in the beginning of the season???

Anyway, there were, as usual, two crimes.
1.) High school star is found dead on the floor of a bathroom.
2.) Undercover cop that Horatio ran into a few weeks ago is now dead and somebody has processed the scene.

In the first crime, we see this guy who still spends way on his hair primping in the mens room at a reunion. And then we see somebody brain him with a champagne bottle. He falls to the ground, even though the bottle only hit him once, and didn't really seem to be that serious. I guess he had to be dead, though.

Within minutes, all the little CSI's flood the scene. Alexx, being the perceptive one in the group, states upon seeing the large welt that really could not have come from a single blow by a bottle that didn't even break, that "He died of blunt force trauma." No kidding. I hate it when they oversimplfy things. Only then to they check his name tag (with a name on it that I forgot so we'll just call him the Man Slut) and realize that he was quite the thing in high school. You know, the whole quarterback, student body president, yada yada yada. We got it, he was popular. I can't believe that I forgot the little bon mot that Horatio got in before the credits, because it was really good. Can you help me out with this one, Imladris?

Back from commericals, Ryan and Calleigh go talk to Man Slut's wife, Jennie. Guess what? In a totally un-CSI-like turn (because, you know, they never have pretty, popular people on :p), Jennie was also head cheerleader! Isn't that cute? Quarterback and head cheerleader together after all these years! Awww... Until Ryan has to break the news that Man Slut has a "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" or something. Jennie, who knows way too much about the layers of the human epidermis for somebody in a dress that looks like hers, immediately asks "A hickey?" Hehehehe...now, depite having the muscle layers down, Jennie's not smart enough to save face and say she gave it to him, she has to flip out and yell about how he was a man slut...hence the name.

So the CSI's jump to interrogating the one unattractive person there, and even she has a good body. (Side note: I don't know why I watch this show. It's depressing.) Apparently, she was Man Slut's little plaything in high school, and "just wanted to get that feeling back".

Oh, gag me. What kind of feeling do way-too-impressed-with-themselves high school guys give you? That Awkward where-do-I-put-my-nose feeling? I don't want that now- much less in fifteen years when you're all supposed to have moved on. And a BATHROOM??? Come on, at least get a room, its a friggin hotel for goodness sakes!!!

Well, Man Slut apparently hasn't changed in the fifteen years since high school, and only wanted Unattractive Girl for one thing---and Unattractive Girl has apparently gained a smidgen of self respect (although not much judging from the dress) and dumps him. Well, it's only twenty after by the time she admits this. She had motive, opportunity, and admitted to holding the murder weapon.

Of course, this means she's not guilty.

Meanwhile, back in the lab, they find sand crystals on the bottle of champagne, which they trace to the Bahamas. Conveniently, Calleigh and Don...sorry, Ryan, remember reading in the yearbooks that the senior class trip was to the Bahamas.

Author's Note: What kind of high school is this? They get to go to the Bahamas??? Every high school I know goes to a Six Flags or something. See, everybody is rich on CSI, too!!!

So Calleigh and Ryan end up back at the hotel trying to question Krystal, who hasn't realized that she's not seventeen anymore and should probably be concerned with something other than high school. While they're trying to corner Krystal, they run into this creepy insurance guy who crashes reunions and sells life insurance to desperate drunk ex-cheerleaders. While carrying around a creepy mortality clock. Well, Insurance Guy tells Calleigh that he sold Jennie a million dollar life insurance policy for Man Slut the nigh before.

The suspect list so far...
1.) Jennie- motive, opportunity, and a million reasons to want him dead: Not Guilty
2.) Unattractive Girl- motive, opportunity, and a murder weapon: Not Guilty
3.) Other Guy who was pissed at Man Slut for ruining the grading curve (I forgot where he came in, but thought I should mention him)- motive, opportunity, and again, he held the murder weapon: Not Guilty

Now, in the real world, all three of these people would be in custody awaitng trial. But not in CSI world!!! No- something about Insurance Guy sets them off. Turns out he did atend school at whatever school this was, but only for a year.

Yeah, it takes about three second with H for the whole story to come pouring out. Insurance Guy, who's name is actually Danny, was a little wimp, so Man Slut tied him up with duct tape, gagged him, and left him in the gym locker over night. Not nice. Apparently, duct tape burns, so Danny now has skin grafts and one hell of a grudge against Man Slut. So he went to the reunion, confronted Man Slut in the bathroom, and got royally pissed off when Man Slut didn't remember what he did to him.

Now, I know this probably wasn't the first thing of the sort Man Slut did, but don't you think you'd remember if you deprived a kid of oxygen for fourteen hours? And wouldn't he have ben suspended and, oh, arrested when Danny finally was untied and told them who did it???

Well, Danny doesn't take kindly to not being remember, and goes beserk and kills Man Slut with the bottle of champagne that Unattractive Girl left after giving Man Slut the "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" - which I just love to say!!! This allows Calleigh to look at the mortality clock he's still dragging around and say "It counts down the number of seconds left in someone's life...or their life sentence." Ooh- nice one, Calleigh!! You've been talking to H, haven't you???

The other crime I totally don't get. It's all very dark, Alias-like, with a scary guy trying to get Horatio to stop asking questions. As the little summery state, the undercover cop ended up dead. But somebody has already processed the scene. When Horatio and the gang pulled in a drug guy for quesitoning, the feds busted into the room and took him away in custody. Huh? I don't know what the hell is going on, except Horatio tells Yelena (who's accent has decreased since last week...) that it's possible Ray is still alive. Damn. Now this just complicates things, because obviously Horatio and Yelena are meant to be together!!!!! ARGH!!! They never listen!!!!!