Signs of the Apocolypse...

Okay, I have a confession to make. In a weak moment comprised of the fact that TBS was running Sex and the City instead of Friends reruns, and ABC was having their stupid "super-sized" episodes so Geoge Lopez wasn't off yet (FYI, Carmen's pregnant and engaged.), and that I thought it would be fun to write about in here, I watched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic on UPN last night. It was like a train wreck or perhaps Mr. Personality, you know there is no way that this oculd end prettily, without mass carnage, but you just couldn't tear your eyes away.

Well, that's not entirely true. I managed after ten or twelve minutes. It got disgusting. Especially when you thought about the fact that at this point, the white-trash guy on the other end of that damn camcorder may or may not have told his pregnant girlfriend that he was going to be a little bit late that night because he was roaming around London with a whore...sorry, Britney. Now, I don't approve of having children before marriage, but that woman still deserved some respect.

Anyhoo, it wasn't just the content matter that was disgusting, or the overwhelming stupidity that both Britney and Kevin brought to the screen (You wanted to just ask them, "Do you read? At all? Anything?"), it was the actual format of the show. Just the changing hair color that Britney sported was enough to make me feel nauseous, but the worst was the way it was shot. We've all knew (or at least me, who spends over a hundred dollars on entertainment magazines a year...I'm so weird...) that this was primarily composed of home videos that the happy couple themselves shot. What they failed to mention is that both of them absolutely SUCK as camera-people. I'm serious, I got cross-eyed and dizzy after a couple of minutes. That damn camera would not say steady- or focused. I'm still a little motion sick, and it's been thirteen hours.

And then they would cut up those fantastic videos with "Entirely New Exclusive Interviews"! Oh joy. At least it gave my eyes a rest, because the UPN person could keep the camera from moving, but what came out of their mouths was almost as nauseating. "Oh my gosh, baby, I love you so much," Britney expounds during one segment in that sickeningly Southern accent that I swear has gotten heavier since her "Oops I Did It Again" days. Why? He's ugly, and a scumbag, and looks like he smells!! And you had to buy your own friggin' engagment ring!!! How could you love that???? Ugh. Oooh, and she makes sure that we all know she's really shy in her personal life. Uh-huh. That really comes across when you're dancing in that dominatix outfit you sport so willingly every night during your concert. Stupidity disgusts me.

In the commercial, Britney asks "Can you handle my truth?" Well, if it means lying around a hotel room with a completely class-less scumbag who left his girlfriend and daughters to live off of your money and doing not much of anything except run around in track suits that cost enough to give several third-world children food for six months, then I guess the answer is no. Sorry. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. I just hope that baby they're having doesn't take after it's parents, because that would be a real shame.