CSI: Miami- That's *gotta* hurt...

Note: First, I would like to welcome Mary to the CSI-fanatic group. The people who almost care more about the characters and the actual people in their lives. Thanks to the crossovers last week, Mary will be spending ever Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evening watching this show instead of interacting with real people. Welcome, Mary!!! ;)

*shivers* This week's episode was basically a reminder that we should all be careful around power tools. And maybe stay away from construction workers. And never marry a bastard named Gary who will leave us for a woman who is a size 0. Yeah, you read that right. 0. No 1 in front of it---although, really, a 2 would be preferable when you're dealing with adultery...

We find out in the first couple of seconds that Ryan has been shot in the eye with a nail gun. *screams* NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT RYAN!!!!!!!!!!! ANYBODY BUT RYAN!!!!!!!!!!! So he's writhing and thrashing in the car while Delko's like "Chill out, dude, here, take a drag off of this, it'll calm you right down..." and Ryan's like "Shut up you druggie, and just drive!!!" So Ryan's in the emergency room and Horatio shows up (Awww...see, Grissom would have been sidetracked by a bug somewhere...this is why Miami rocks....) and then we find out the whole episode was a flashback. And the flashback starts with a surprisingly old (probably forty at least) corpse. In a land where only those who are perfect twenty-two year olds are killed, this is a little bit shocking.

And she's been shot with a nail gun!!! Quell Suprise!!! And her poor little family was is all gathered around and then Miss Size 0 walks in with the daughter and is all "ACK! It's his ex-wife!!" In their infinite wisdom, the CSI's decide to question Gary, the soon to be ex-husband of Dead Woman, and see when the last time he saw her was. He lies (to steal a line from House, "Everybody lies..."), and we later find out that his DNA was under her fingernails. Hmmm.

Meanwhile, back in the lab, Calleigh is shooting at random things with a nail gun for "scientific" purposes. Uh-huh. I think she just likes shooting things. I wonder if she has a Closet of Crazy like Mac does in New York??? Anyhoodles, Ryan walks in and she points the gun right at his face. And 17 million viewers across the US collectively scream "AHH!!!!" and hide in their sofa pillows. Except that she doesn't shoot him. The director just continues to fake us out for the next half hour. Seriously, everytime it would make sense for a nail gun to be pointed at Ryan's face (and even a couple that weren't), there it is. And we all shiver and cover our eyes.

BTW, the only reason Ryan's there is that Delko didn't answer his page. Hmmm. Wonder what's goin' on there...so Ryan's tired and pissed and a little bit hot when he's all rumpled like that...ahem, sorry...

I kind of forget what happens next, because I spent most of the time under a pillow while my mom was going "Hey! That happened to me!!!", but I know that Scumbag Gary has changed his story and is now saying he slept with Dead Woman that day, even though the CSI's haven't found anything to support that. And trust me, if you want sordid details about the deceased's sex life, CSI is the place to go. So either he's lying, or he's...just a scumbag. Either way, they might as well release him, because we know he sure as hell didn't have anything to do with her murder.

Anyhoodles, this is when they somehow link the nail gun to the contractor (which wouldnt' have been that big a leap in my mind, but whatever...) and Ryan goes looking for him. In an empty building. Without backup. Without his gun drawn. Stupid, stupid Ryan.

Again, this is where the CSI's differ...you know Horatio is going to be "Okay, you made a mistake. Just make sure it doesn't happen again, son," when Ryan gets out of the hospital. Mac would go all Marine and be like "What the hell were you thinking, Danny!?!?!?! - I'm just assuming it's Danny, because he's the only one I could think of who would do something like that- You know what? You're not getting promoted! EVER!!!!" I'm not sure how Grissom would handle it, because all I havent' devoted quite as much of my life to his show.

This is when Ryan gets shot, by the way...*shivers*

So they finally find Builder Guy, and he confesses, sort of. With the brilliant you-can't-make-this-up story that Dead Woman payed him to kill Gary. But when he got to the house to kill Gary, Dead Woman was there instead. And wanted him to kill her. Well, Builder Guy honestly says "Hey, lady, I've got standards!" and stalks out (convicted felon, btw...). Dead Woman is all upset because she can't die and frame Gary for murder. Unfortunately, Gary's son was listening in, and got rather upset when Mommy was talking about killing Daddy. And then kills Mommy. With the nail gun. *shivers*

But for some reason the CSI's don't think that he had anything to do with shooting Ryan, and inexplicably turn to Charlene. And she cracks after two minutes with Horatio. I still don't know what it is about that guy. Why do people end up crying after two minutes alone with a skinny Irish dude who wears sunglasses inside???

This episode ends with a touching little tableau of human emotion in the ER. Delko has come to pick Ryan up (he can't drive...*snigger*) and he's all "Dude, it was my fault. I'm a loser." And Ryan's like "No, man, I really screwed up." And Delko's like "Yeah, you kind of did dude, but I still shoudl have been there." And Ryan's like, "Yeah you should have been, but how sweet is it that we're playing nicely again???" Okay, so they didn't really say that, but that was the general gist of things... ;)

Sorry this is a day late...I'll have something up on NY tomorrow!!!