CSI: NY- What statutory rape???

I'm back folks, mainly because this episode practically parodied itself. Too easy.

We open with a whore who looks surprisingly young standing innocently (yet alone) by an elevator, with an older creepy guy clearly staring at her ass. They get on the elevetor, where Creepy Older Guy shoves Young Whore against a wall and starts making out with her. You're like "Oh, how awful!!!" for a few seconds, before you realize that she's sucking back. Ewww. I don't know what happens next, because we changed the channel because my little brother was in the room. Yeah.

Anyhoodles, Creepy Older Guy was shot and killed with something that the CSI's have never seen before. Say what??? The Robospanker was nothing new to them. What the hell is going on here!?!?! Suddenly, my whole world doesn't make much sense... Turns out Creepy Older Guy, named Kinsey (not the Kinsey portrayed by Liam Neeson, you perverts...) knew Young Whore, who they find out is actually Quite Young, as she dropped a note saying "Auditions after third period" before high-tailing it out of there.

Lesson #1: If your life is still divided by "periods", you're too young to be making out with a fifty-year-old in the elevator. I don't care how rich he is. Or how rich you are. You still have a study hall, for heaven's sakes.

At this point, Hawkes drags Stella out of the elevator bank where she's clearly deciding which baby names sound best with "Taylor" to investigate a dead body found at the bottom of of a lake in Central Park. "Run into the park. That's safe!", according to Imladris... This is a rather inconseqential story line, mainly giving us more time to look at Hawkes, who I still don't think should have made it onto the Sexy Guys of CSI list. (There's a longer diatribe about this on this blog earlier in the year, but I don't feel like linking it right now, k???) So we'll just get it out of the way quickly.

Dead Guy was found wearing expensive clothes, but his shoes had holes in them. This made my sister and I decide that if our father was ever found murdered, they would take him for a hobo, as he doesn't ever buy new clothes or shoes, despite being able to pay for him. We'd be at the station like "Hey! He belongs to us!" and they'd be like "No, I don't think so. We'll just check missing persons, okay???" Turns out Dead Guy wasn't Rich too, just an imposter, pretending to be wealthy and mooching off of the actually rich. Hmmm. Somebody doesn't have his priority's straight, huh??? Anyhoodles, Actual Rich Guy decides he doesn't like this, and puts lobster bisque in Dead Guy's soup. Dead Guy's allergic. Bummer, huh???

Back to the real story. Danny's following Melanie (the young whore) around school trying to figure out why the hell she was in an elevator with her "boyfriend" (I'm sorry, but if the guy qualifies for AARP, you can't call him your "boyfriend anymore, okay???) instead of doing something productive like...well, anything other than hanging around with the perv. Mac is shooting odd weapons into ballistics gel and getting way too excited about building one out of a steering wheel lock. I'm glad that he's moving on from the whole Claire thing, but really, find something other than guns to be interested in, alright???

The rest of the episode was very long and complicated, and not that interesting, except to give us...

Lesson #2: Flack looks better with longer hair. Thank God that caeser thing is growing out.

So yeah, a parking attendent killed Kinsey after Melanie turned him down (FYI, this guy was in in forties), and Melanie's just a mean little bitch. Seriously. Awful. They did not teach her manners at that fancy prep school.

And the whole time they managed never to touch on the fact that a high school student was riding up to a fifty-two year old's apartment alone at night. Hmmm. Did New York just cut out a whole part of their statutes and not tell anyone???