CSI: Miami and Lost

Note: I hate CBS. Possibly more than I hated ABC when they took Boston Legal off the air (I know it's been nine months, let me be bitter, okay???). Definately more than I hated the cable company when the cable went out and they neglected to fix it before the season premiere of House, and that is difficult. Because Presiden't Bush's speech last Thursday preempted the repeat of the CSI finale, they reran it last night, instead of a new CSI: New York episode. Otherwise known as the show I've been waiting since May 19th for!!! I hate them. I may have to retract my offer to give Jerry Bruckheimer my firstborn. I'm that upset. >:( Moving on...

Housekeeping (Not Angry At Network) Note: Rather than do a whole bunch of entries on every single show that I've watched in the past three days, thus wasting your time and mine, I'm just going to deal with them all at once. Thanks!!!

It's a new season!!! I'm so friggin' happy for me!!! And let me tell you, my shows so far have delivered like Dominos!!! :D Of course, due to the abovementioned knife in my heart, I've only had two major premieres so far- Lost and CSI: Miami. I'll deal with those first, and then run down the list of other shows I've tried this week. Oh, and there was a new episode of House that I want to touch on, too.

CSI: Miami:

Good Side: This show is making strides towards becoming a regular drama, with less individualized cases and more time spent on the actual people involved. Obviously, when you arguably spend more time with these fake people than the real ones in your life, this is a Good Thing. However, there is a...

Bad Side: The absence of laughably succinct cases makes it incredibly hard to write sarcastically about the episodes. I can't joke about a woman being raped and then losing the baby she was carrying. That's just sad!!!

(Also, in a remarkably un-CSI-like turn, they did not explain in painful, slightly disturbing, ages14-and-up-please detail exactly how being raped caused the poor woman to lose the baby. I found it refreshing, because really, we can all figure this out. Maybe they'll stop having a weekly bondage crime, too!)

Anyhoodles, this episode was amazing. It opened with Horatio confessing to some cardinal from New York ("Did you talk to Mac, Father??? He's in pain over the death of his wife and the fact that he went out with a whore who picks up guys at crime scenes. He needs your guidance!!!" Sorry...) that he's got blood on his hands. The cardinal seems quite familiar with this, and, as we know from TV Guide (*SPOILERS*), it's becuase Horatio killed a woman a long time ago. So the cardinal comforts him and then gives him a kind of weird explanation of penance that I kind of don't agree with but am not going to get into because it's pointless.

Anyhoodles, they never make it to abosolution, as there's a shooting in the cemetary outside the cathedral, and H has go run out and help. Some crazy has jumped out of the coffin and started mowing down mourners!!! H is outraged. As we quickly find out, this is the doings of the Mala Noche, who will be playing the part of Bad Guy all season, apparently. Interesting.

This is when we get to meet all of the CSIs who are back for another season in a rather long, somewhat tiresom slow-motion thingy. Calleigh's back!!! I totally knew it, but it was comforting to know for sure. I'm never sure when TV Guide's spoilers are reliable. And Delko's got a beard!!!!! Not a good look, btw.

Ryan is slowly morphing into Don Johnson. With a bad haircut. At least he seems to be playing nicely with the other little CSIs now.

And they all band together to do not much of anything the whole episode. Poor Used-to-be-Pregnant Woman was left out to be beaten up and raped by the Mala Noche while her employer/baby daddy runs and hides in the panic room with his perfect wife and 2.5 children (hehehe, literally!!!!). Bastard. Horatio yells at him for this.

Horatio: "Do you provide health insurence for your staff?
Bastard: "No."
Horatio: "You do now. You're paying for her hospital stay."
Bastard: "*is speechless, but presumably pays*"

So yeah, this wasn't a terribly procedureal episode, with two crimes that probably but not necessarily link up within the last fifteen minutes where the victim is always twenty-five, beautiful, thin, and probably engaging in risky sexual behavior, and the person who owned the murder weapon, the property where the victim was found, and had a significant reason to want her dead (it's always a her) is innocent. :) Still shockingly good, though. And next week's looks somewhat more par for the course, so we'll see about a funny review then.

Lost

Oh my freakin' gosh. It's been eighteen hours and I'm still speechless. And breathless. And counting the days desperately until next Wednesday. I missed the first few moments, as I had a family funeral to attend and can only run so fast from the car to the couch in high heels. But that's okay. The meat of the episode was after the first commerical.

Shannon and Sayid are taking a break from doing nothing but each other and are now just doing...nothing, apparently. Oh, except Shannon lost the dog, and is feeling badly because she won't exactly be able to explain to poor little Walt that she was distracted by the Iraqi militant that she was rolling around in the sand with and lost track of the thing. So she goes looking for the dog, and instead finds Walt- who whipsers (like the Others? Get it?) and disappears when her paramour arrives. Bummer, huh.

Side Note: Do you know that it is fundamentlaly impossible to yell in surprise in an accent other than your own? Seriously, watch any show where somebody is using an accent other than their native one. I've noticed this on House and now on Lost, too. When Sayid exclaims in surprise, he ceases to sound Iraqi, he sounds British. When House is surprised, he sounds British too, not American like in the rest of the show. Kind of funny, when you think about it.

And Kate and Jack and Locke (whose name I cannot figure out. They would not have named him after the philospher/political scientist/guy whose ideas were stolen by Thomas Jefferson when he wrote the Declaration of Independence, thus giving us our concept of democracy if it wasn't important. If anybody has any ideas on this, please let me know, because it's killing me) have opened the Hatch, and discovered that on the inside is a little world, where this weird guy who met Jack once before the crash lives (who called it???) with a weird song blasting. Huh. This has given me enough to think about for the coming week.

And Hurley won $114 million dollars playing the lottery with the numbers that are all over the show. Freaky, huh??? This single episode was better than all of last season. Only six more days!!!!!!!!

House

House: "Maybe she escapes by having fantasies about older men with great hair."
Chase: *knows he just broke like every single child protection law in the state of New Jersey and therefore shuts the hell up*
House: You did it, didn't you???
Chase: "It wasn't sick- it was one kiss for a dying girl."
Cameron: *freaks out*
House :*rolls eyes* [to Cameron] "Go see if she's been molested."
Cameron: [muffled, as she still has her hands clamped over her mouth] "Okay."
House: "See, this is exactly why you can't touch my markers!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...this was on Tuesday night and I'm still laughing. Okay, you kind of had to be there.

Keep checking for new updates and possibly a new format...not sure yet.