CSI: Miami: Don't Trust Your Yacht Club

Oh, this was an awsome episode. Way more normal that last week's "Let's just get ticked off at the mob" theme. This one had a pretty girl being mauled, slightly shifty parents, a tall, rather nordic looking blond guy, an actual Nordic guy, and a foreign guy working in a mansion. And lest we begin to think that people behave normally when it comes to their hormones, CSI is here to remind us that incest does still happen. Ahhh....to be home again!!!!

This episode opened on a yacht that cost more than my house. There was an explosion. Preternaturally pretty daughter Julie flips out and gets ready to jump over the side. Preternaturally pretty Mom goes crazy because there are sharks in the water. Preternaturally pretty Dad is running from help. Bastard. Julie doesn't listen to Mom, and jumps in the water. She floats for all of three seconds before being yanked under. This is when preternaturally pretty son Luke goes against every single Girl Scout guide you can find and jumps in after her. Stupid, stupid Luke. Anyhoodles, they both disappear and there's this inexplicable rush of bloody water to the surface (kind of looked like the sharks got ill from the hair gel and lip gloss and threw up) before Julie's mangled life vest floats up.

Ouch.

Luckily, the slightly less attractive CSI's are all there to help. (This also is not expained. There is no reason for them to be there yet. This was not a homicide, it was a case of a fire on a boat and a shark ate her. Unless, as my father suggested, they were going to arrest the shark, there is nothing they could do. Do you think they have some kind of ESP or something to tell them that this case will end up being a murder???) And they all have their little jobs to do.

Delko goes diving for the body (is he the only one who has a wet suit??? And why is he down there alone???), Calleigh and Ryan go to process the scene, and H goes to interrogate the owner of the salvaging ship who tried to help but still would have demanded 500 k.

In the real world, this guy would be arrested. He's rude, shifty, was trying to rob the family, and looks like he smells. Oh, and he moved the bouy that caused the yacht to run aground starting the fire in the first place. This sounds like either second degree manslaughter, negligent homicide, or even felony murder to me. But, of course, he can have nothing to do with it. It's only quarter after nine.

Thankfully, Calleigh and Ryan are getting somewhere. They find the son's bong filled with cooking lighter fluid, which caused the explosion. Hmmm. Methinks something is not right here. I'm no drug expert, but I'm fairly certain it's not supposed to do that.

Unfortunately, before they can use there quota of little white gloves and q-tips, the boat starts to sink, and Calleigh and Ryan have to "run and shoot".... uh-huh, those pictures should turn out well...

Meanwhile, Island Delko (better than molesting-some-poor-girl-against-a-wall-because-he-couldn't-get-over-Speedle's-death Delko we were treated to last season...) has found a body. Then they (ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww) cut off his finger and fingerprint it. Of course, this cannot be the son, but rather some exchange student from Norway. Bummer, huh. Delko still can't find a razor.

Before they even get a chance to dry out, Calleigh and Ryan go investigate the unbelievably rich family that Exchange Student worked for. Sure enough, there's a big red stain on the floor. Tia, another preternaturally pretty whore, flips out and starts crying.

I say we start the investigation with her. She's too pretty to not have something to do with this.

Anyhoodles, a lot happens really quickly. 10 mil in gold gets stolen from Rich Family, Calleigh and Ryan find a casing (yay!!!), and Luke Gannon (the son) shows up alive and well on the aformentioned salvage ship. This guy still has nothing to do with it. Somehow they get figure out that Exchange Student's body must have been on the yacht before the explosion, and that gets Horatio suspicious. Like a good little CSI (except he never wears the coat), he investigates.

Turns out Dad and the kids have rap sheets longer than my arm. Mom is an innocent bystander.They used her (shocker of shockers) to gain access to the Yacht club so that they could steal the $10 mil. Oh, and they killed her husband. Which, by this point, gets kind of lost in the shuffle. Ironically.

And, just as I suspected, Tia has something to add to the investigation. (See, told ya.) She and Luke used to go out, but then she found him in bed with Julie (his sister). EWWWWWWWW. Excuse me for a moment while I go wash my brain out with hydrogen peroxide. *shivers*

However, Tia doens't have the whole story. Luke and Julie aren't sister and brother. This does little to appease slightly sick feeling I still have. And they're not kids. They're like thirty. But whatever. And Julie shot Exchange Student, but Luke was there. If Julie were alive, they'd definately be taken away for felony murder.

So Dad and Luke get taken away, and Julie is presumably dead, even though we never found her body, and Horatio gets to look out into the sunset with poor, broken Mom, who is going on and on and on about how she just wanted a family. Horatio, with his best I'm-going-to-take-care-of-you-ma'am look (you know, the one he uses with little abuse victims and the like) says, "I think that is what everybody wants, a family." Except he just put his last chance for one on a plane ala-Casablanca at the end of last season. *tear* But then we see Horatio watching every single CSI, who happen to be walking down the same corridor at the exact same time for the story's sake, and you see that it dawns on him that he really does have a family... awwwww!!!!!!

So what did we learn this week??? Don't go to your yacht club's single dances. You'll end up burned (literally..HAHAHAHA).