CSI:NY- Ewwww...

....I can't even write about this one. It was too icky. Mac said the word "lover" about twelve more times than I ever needed to here him say it, and the whole crime scene was covered in stuff I don't really care to think about. *shivers*

Super good storyline with Danny and the dead guy though. Loved it. Next week's is a rerun, but it's one I haven't written about yet, so maybe I'll put something up then, okay???

CSI: NY- Whores on Wheels

It's been a terribly long time, I know, and the three people who read this are salivating over another post by yours truly, but Lupe's been a little bit too busy to have write scathingly sarcastic commentaries on the many shows I do watch. However, this one was just too good to pass out. FYI, the title was a toss-up between the one given above and "Watch Stella Shove a Roller Skate Up That Girl's Pretty Little A**". I thought this would be more appropriate.

Anyhoodles, we find our CSI's at a Roller Derby rink where one of the "athletes" (in the sense that Anna Kournikova is an "athlete"...) has been killed, despite the fact that she has no marks on her. But she's dead. The audience accepts this and moves on. Meanwhile, Mac knows way too much about this "sport" (I googled it and got a little bit ill) and Stella and Lindsay start bugging him about being on dates. Causing me to think, "Grow up, people, you're not in high school anymore!!!" Sheesh. I should not be the mature one in my relationship with the CSI's.

So Mac is questioning the girls in the locker room, where it becomes immediately apparent that these lovely young women are not fond of clothing. Hmmm. One of them, however, is fond of Mac and takes off her shirt and is just generally being a whore. *gasp* How tacky. Hitting on the guy who is questioning you. Is nothing sacred??? (I'm sure in an earlier draft of the script, Stella was clawing at the door and yelling something about her ovaries drying up, but whatever...) Mac is offended (duh) and sends Lindsay in instead, which I don't thinkw as terribly nice, because those women could like eat her alive. But anyway.

I don't actually remember a whole lot of what happened during the rest of the episode, mainly because I was concerned about the foam coming out of Stella's mouth and I couldn't keep the slut's names straight. I know they tested every single bottle for poison though, and Mac was like "Do women really need all this stuff?" (says the man who keeps a beach ball around for company), and Lindsay's (in keeping with the whole "The CSI's exist only to solve cases. They are simply turned off and put away in a closet at the end of the day" theory that Jerry B is so fond of) like, "You're asking me? I work in a lab." Uh-huh. Sure, Linds. You roll out of bed looking like that in the morning. No, I totally got it. And Stella doesn't wear a WonderBra. *cough*LIARS*cough*

Turns out that the wife of the owner was dosing the girl's shapoo with DNP (an apprently dangerous chemical) and that's what killed Dead Girl. Bummer. And Killer Wife is so contrite...Stella's like "Yeah, B*tch. You totally deserve to go to jail."

There was another crime, but it was basically an hour long ad for Coldplay (although it worked. I liked the song so much I dug out my copy of X&Y. Although I didn't buy a new one, which is probably what they wanted, but whatever.) Did we know Danny is seeing somebody???? I did not know this!!! Shocking.

Unfortunatly, next week is a rerun, but it's the season premiere, which was pretty good. Except for the totally superfluous male prostitute in the beginning. He had no reason to be there. And yet he was. Good ol' CSI.

Random Selection of Shows

I've been watching a lot of TV lately, and just wanted to run down the list...

House was on on Tuesday---yay!!!! Love House!!! Best show ever (aside from the CSIs...those will rule forever...). Funny, I know it was a good episode, but I don't really remember what it was about...oh, a biker who is using blood doping to win. And then gets sick. And then gets cured thanks to House. Yay!!! And when he and Mark are arguing in the cafeteria, "This is like watching Oscar Wilde and Noel Coward in the third grade...." HAHAHA... Next week's looks good, too.

Lost kicked a** this week, not the gentle pushing of last week. They recounted the first forty-eight days on the island from the point of view of the "tailies" (those from the tail of the plane). First, I would like to say that Michelle Rodriguez scares me. I get the feeling that she could beat me up and then spit on me or something. *shivers* She should not be with Jack... And we learn that Rose's Bernard is still alive. Yay!!! They can be together again!!! Oooh, and this side of the island found a list with names of people that the Others are going to be taking. *gasp*

Unfortunately, Guy Who Kind of Looks Like Sean Bean is dead. Bummer. And after only one episode, too.

And we found out that only the survivors from the first season mean anything sentimentally to the public. In the last couple of minutes, they show the tailies interacting with the other guys, and both Imladris and I were going, "Oh! It's our castaways now!!!" And then I realized that the thirty million other people who watch this every week were probably saying the same thing. I feel like of bad for the tailies. Somebody should adopt them.

And cheers to CSI:NY for giving Flack more of a presence on the show. And for giving Lindsay something else to do than just act awkward and shy around the rest of the group. Flack's lines in the beginning of the show were absolutely hilarious. And next week's look really creepy, so everybody should watch, k???

And I saw CSI: Original las night. It was the ending of a two-parter. Really good, and I'm not really even that into the show. Seriously, does anybody else think that everybody should just back off and let the CSI's do their thing??? In practically every single episode IAB is all "I'm giving you forty-eight hours and then I'm arresting the wrong guy just because I feel like it..." Crazies. Leave them alone!!!! Poor Brass, though. Sadness.

And how great did the previews for next week look??? My dad was commenting on how interesting my sister and I are going to be during it, as it is Thanksgiving and we will be partaking in all that entails, I am sure... ;) Yes, Grandpa, this is your legacy. Tipsy granddaughters yelling at fake people on television. Be glad it's not NY...that could be really embarrassing...

Finally, there was one show that I didn't watch this week, mainly because it wasn't on. FOX cut Arrested Development's episode order from 24 to 13, which means it will probably be cancelled. Bugger. I can't really blame FOX, because they stuck with it longer than any network probably should have, but it's still sad. I so want the DVDs for Christmas now...

Anyhoodles, I'm going to be gone tonight, but everybody have a good weekend!!!

CSI: Miami- That's *gotta* hurt...

Note: First, I would like to welcome Mary to the CSI-fanatic group. The people who almost care more about the characters and the actual people in their lives. Thanks to the crossovers last week, Mary will be spending ever Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evening watching this show instead of interacting with real people. Welcome, Mary!!! ;)

*shivers* This week's episode was basically a reminder that we should all be careful around power tools. And maybe stay away from construction workers. And never marry a bastard named Gary who will leave us for a woman who is a size 0. Yeah, you read that right. 0. No 1 in front of it---although, really, a 2 would be preferable when you're dealing with adultery...

We find out in the first couple of seconds that Ryan has been shot in the eye with a nail gun. *screams* NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT RYAN!!!!!!!!!!! ANYBODY BUT RYAN!!!!!!!!!!! So he's writhing and thrashing in the car while Delko's like "Chill out, dude, here, take a drag off of this, it'll calm you right down..." and Ryan's like "Shut up you druggie, and just drive!!!" So Ryan's in the emergency room and Horatio shows up (Awww...see, Grissom would have been sidetracked by a bug somewhere...this is why Miami rocks....) and then we find out the whole episode was a flashback. And the flashback starts with a surprisingly old (probably forty at least) corpse. In a land where only those who are perfect twenty-two year olds are killed, this is a little bit shocking.

And she's been shot with a nail gun!!! Quell Suprise!!! And her poor little family was is all gathered around and then Miss Size 0 walks in with the daughter and is all "ACK! It's his ex-wife!!" In their infinite wisdom, the CSI's decide to question Gary, the soon to be ex-husband of Dead Woman, and see when the last time he saw her was. He lies (to steal a line from House, "Everybody lies..."), and we later find out that his DNA was under her fingernails. Hmmm.

Meanwhile, back in the lab, Calleigh is shooting at random things with a nail gun for "scientific" purposes. Uh-huh. I think she just likes shooting things. I wonder if she has a Closet of Crazy like Mac does in New York??? Anyhoodles, Ryan walks in and she points the gun right at his face. And 17 million viewers across the US collectively scream "AHH!!!!" and hide in their sofa pillows. Except that she doesn't shoot him. The director just continues to fake us out for the next half hour. Seriously, everytime it would make sense for a nail gun to be pointed at Ryan's face (and even a couple that weren't), there it is. And we all shiver and cover our eyes.

BTW, the only reason Ryan's there is that Delko didn't answer his page. Hmmm. Wonder what's goin' on there...so Ryan's tired and pissed and a little bit hot when he's all rumpled like that...ahem, sorry...

I kind of forget what happens next, because I spent most of the time under a pillow while my mom was going "Hey! That happened to me!!!", but I know that Scumbag Gary has changed his story and is now saying he slept with Dead Woman that day, even though the CSI's haven't found anything to support that. And trust me, if you want sordid details about the deceased's sex life, CSI is the place to go. So either he's lying, or he's...just a scumbag. Either way, they might as well release him, because we know he sure as hell didn't have anything to do with her murder.

Anyhoodles, this is when they somehow link the nail gun to the contractor (which wouldnt' have been that big a leap in my mind, but whatever...) and Ryan goes looking for him. In an empty building. Without backup. Without his gun drawn. Stupid, stupid Ryan.

Again, this is where the CSI's differ...you know Horatio is going to be "Okay, you made a mistake. Just make sure it doesn't happen again, son," when Ryan gets out of the hospital. Mac would go all Marine and be like "What the hell were you thinking, Danny!?!?!?! - I'm just assuming it's Danny, because he's the only one I could think of who would do something like that- You know what? You're not getting promoted! EVER!!!!" I'm not sure how Grissom would handle it, because all I havent' devoted quite as much of my life to his show.

This is when Ryan gets shot, by the way...*shivers*

So they finally find Builder Guy, and he confesses, sort of. With the brilliant you-can't-make-this-up story that Dead Woman payed him to kill Gary. But when he got to the house to kill Gary, Dead Woman was there instead. And wanted him to kill her. Well, Builder Guy honestly says "Hey, lady, I've got standards!" and stalks out (convicted felon, btw...). Dead Woman is all upset because she can't die and frame Gary for murder. Unfortunately, Gary's son was listening in, and got rather upset when Mommy was talking about killing Daddy. And then kills Mommy. With the nail gun. *shivers*

But for some reason the CSI's don't think that he had anything to do with shooting Ryan, and inexplicably turn to Charlene. And she cracks after two minutes with Horatio. I still don't know what it is about that guy. Why do people end up crying after two minutes alone with a skinny Irish dude who wears sunglasses inside???

This episode ends with a touching little tableau of human emotion in the ER. Delko has come to pick Ryan up (he can't drive...*snigger*) and he's all "Dude, it was my fault. I'm a loser." And Ryan's like "No, man, I really screwed up." And Delko's like "Yeah, you kind of did dude, but I still shoudl have been there." And Ryan's like, "Yeah you should have been, but how sweet is it that we're playing nicely again???" Okay, so they didn't really say that, but that was the general gist of things... ;)

Sorry this is a day late...I'll have something up on NY tomorrow!!!

CSI:Miami and NY- *thud*

Oh my freakin' gosh. These two episodes were like the best ever. Unbelievable. Amazing. I finally have validation for spending this much time obsessing over fake people. Jerry Bruckheimer can totally have my first born.

Anyway, everybody watched it, so I'm not going to go into a huge long synopsis that nobody needs. Suffice to say Horatio and Mac are chasing Henry Darius, a serial killer that Mac and Co. put away a year ago, all over the U.S. Monday's episode was good, but pretty much just a rip-off of the movie Con-Air. Without Nicolas Cage. Which is a good thing. (Shut up Imladris...) How great was it when Mac arrived??? Colleen was like "Oh! He's got a duffel bag!!! He's staying for awhile!!!" We figured he brought along a picture of Stella. Clearly.

Speaking of Stella, she found another possible baby daddy!!! She spent most of last night living by the rule, "A little boy never wants a toy unless another little boy is playing with it." It was hilarious, "Are you always this hot on a case???" My dad was like, "Wait. What did she mean by that?" You could totally tell that she was figuring out how her kids would look with curly red hair (as opposed to the little marines she's been dreaming about since 9/11). Colleen and I decided that she was probably doodling "Mr. and Mrs. Horatio Caine. Mrs. Stella Caine. Detective and Mrs. Horatio Caine..." all over her case files. And she kind of looks like Yelena. Except Greek. And way prettier. And, as Horatio was served, he'll probably be back in NY soon. Yay!!!

Meanwhile, back in the lab, Lindsay is fuming and muttering under her breath because Mac made her stay in the lab. Which she took as an affront even though clearly he was just looking out for her (and probably pissed off that Stella was doing everything in her power to get Horatio's attention...). Even though, if you ask me, Danny is the loose cannon and should probably be kept in the lab as much as possible.

And the psychiatrist killed me. "I may have mentioned Alexa's inheritance." Mac was just staring at him like, "You stupid dumbass." Almost as stupid as the little sister who used the tissue Mac gave her, thus giving him DNA. Idiot. He's not trying to be nice, he's trying to avoid a search warrant!!! If I'm ever brought in for questioning, I'm totally not going to use a Kleenex or drink anything.

And how great was the ending??? When Horatio called the little boy and told him everything as alright. Awww... I love caring CSI's... And when Mac was at the prison and was all "You rot in hell, you son of a b*tch." This was quite starteling, as Mac doesn't swear a whole lot. It was like when I was watching Forrest Gump and he said a Very Nasty Word and I was like "*gasp* Mac!!!!"

Anyhoodles, this was a truly awesome show. They should do a movie. No, because then it would suck. But they should definately do more crossovers!!!!

21 Jump Street

Yes, I know the show ended fourteen years ago. That's not the point.

Do you know what those bastards did now??? I, as a faithful Johnny devotee, have been faithfully purchasing every single freakin' season as they are released, and even sitting through all of the episodes because 1.) It's Johnny!!!, and 2.) I find Peter DeLouise's hair funny. Finally they released the fourth season, the one where Johnny leaves, and I thought I could finally stop buying them.

Not so.

Johnny's last episode on the series was the season finale of season four, which is mysteriously missing from the season four DVD. Hmmm. Turns out that the producers thought that it "belonged with season five" and included it on the season five DVD (presumably to be released in a couple of months.) Friggin' bastards!!!! They know their show sucks and nowbody would buy it if Johnny wasn't in it!!! So I have to cough up thirty bucks for a forty minute episode.

Who else thinks this is false advertising or something???

CSI: NY- What statutory rape???

I'm back folks, mainly because this episode practically parodied itself. Too easy.

We open with a whore who looks surprisingly young standing innocently (yet alone) by an elevator, with an older creepy guy clearly staring at her ass. They get on the elevetor, where Creepy Older Guy shoves Young Whore against a wall and starts making out with her. You're like "Oh, how awful!!!" for a few seconds, before you realize that she's sucking back. Ewww. I don't know what happens next, because we changed the channel because my little brother was in the room. Yeah.

Anyhoodles, Creepy Older Guy was shot and killed with something that the CSI's have never seen before. Say what??? The Robospanker was nothing new to them. What the hell is going on here!?!?! Suddenly, my whole world doesn't make much sense... Turns out Creepy Older Guy, named Kinsey (not the Kinsey portrayed by Liam Neeson, you perverts...) knew Young Whore, who they find out is actually Quite Young, as she dropped a note saying "Auditions after third period" before high-tailing it out of there.

Lesson #1: If your life is still divided by "periods", you're too young to be making out with a fifty-year-old in the elevator. I don't care how rich he is. Or how rich you are. You still have a study hall, for heaven's sakes.

At this point, Hawkes drags Stella out of the elevator bank where she's clearly deciding which baby names sound best with "Taylor" to investigate a dead body found at the bottom of of a lake in Central Park. "Run into the park. That's safe!", according to Imladris... This is a rather inconseqential story line, mainly giving us more time to look at Hawkes, who I still don't think should have made it onto the Sexy Guys of CSI list. (There's a longer diatribe about this on this blog earlier in the year, but I don't feel like linking it right now, k???) So we'll just get it out of the way quickly.

Dead Guy was found wearing expensive clothes, but his shoes had holes in them. This made my sister and I decide that if our father was ever found murdered, they would take him for a hobo, as he doesn't ever buy new clothes or shoes, despite being able to pay for him. We'd be at the station like "Hey! He belongs to us!" and they'd be like "No, I don't think so. We'll just check missing persons, okay???" Turns out Dead Guy wasn't Rich too, just an imposter, pretending to be wealthy and mooching off of the actually rich. Hmmm. Somebody doesn't have his priority's straight, huh??? Anyhoodles, Actual Rich Guy decides he doesn't like this, and puts lobster bisque in Dead Guy's soup. Dead Guy's allergic. Bummer, huh???

Back to the real story. Danny's following Melanie (the young whore) around school trying to figure out why the hell she was in an elevator with her "boyfriend" (I'm sorry, but if the guy qualifies for AARP, you can't call him your "boyfriend anymore, okay???) instead of doing something productive like...well, anything other than hanging around with the perv. Mac is shooting odd weapons into ballistics gel and getting way too excited about building one out of a steering wheel lock. I'm glad that he's moving on from the whole Claire thing, but really, find something other than guns to be interested in, alright???

The rest of the episode was very long and complicated, and not that interesting, except to give us...

Lesson #2: Flack looks better with longer hair. Thank God that caeser thing is growing out.

So yeah, a parking attendent killed Kinsey after Melanie turned him down (FYI, this guy was in in forties), and Melanie's just a mean little bitch. Seriously. Awful. They did not teach her manners at that fancy prep school.

And the whole time they managed never to touch on the fact that a high school student was riding up to a fifty-two year old's apartment alone at night. Hmmm. Did New York just cut out a whole part of their statutes and not tell anyone???

CSI: Miami/NY

First of all, I didn't mean for the title to allude to next week's crossover episodes, but it totally did. So, while we're at it, how psyched are we??? (Apparently so much so that I felt the need to revert to 1985...) Can't wait!!! Imladris also said that there was a killer commercial out there, so you all should watch CBS until next Monday, k???

What I really meant to do was touch on the last couple of episodes of these shows. Unfortunately, I've been too busy to write long things about them, but I have been watching religiously. Miami's been kind of blah this season, except when they delve into Horatio's past. That gets interesting. But Delko's just a druggie, Valera is inexplicably back (didn't she get fired???), and Ryan is acting like a spoiled little baby. Calleigh can't carry the show all by herself. This Monday's was a repeat (O.J. is innocent!!!), but the last one was really good. Except that we all learned that watching David Caruso on a date is kind of painful. And I was very confused by the end. I was unsure of who was who. I hate it when CSI gets above my head. Then I feel really stupid...

NY has been really good this season. The whole feel is lighter, including Stella's hair. Thankfully, Flack's hair has grown out a little. Whew. That was a bad one. I'm still not sure about Newbie, though. Although it was kind of a funny moment last Wednesday when she started rubbing that vanilla stuff all over Mac's face and he's like "What the hell is she doing?" and Stella was practically foaming at the mouth. HAHAHA. I love it. New episode tonight, too. YAY!!!

House, my other favorite show, came back last night after five freakin' weeks off the air because of baseball (FYI, that was spat...). And I didn't even get to see it. I am such a good Catholic. *sniff* No, I watched the DVD as soon as I got home...super good episode, and we learned that Cameron is only attractecd to dying guys or House. Hmmm. That's weird. Again, Wilson hung around the whole episode without anything to do. I mean, there was a cancer side story, but he wasn't involved with that. Is he like the oncologist on call or something??? Anyhoodles, I like him much better in this than committing unspeakable acts in Dead Poets Society, so yeah...Colleen thinks that Chase is getting hotter this season, too, so everybody should watch for that, okay???

Didn't get a chance to see Boston Legal last night...can anybody tell me what happened???

J.J. Abrams is Alive!!!!

Apparently, he has realized that killing off the one character that brings in female viewers just because having him around set makes Jennifer Garner "icky" isn't the smartest thing. Especially when you've moved to a new time slot.

Yes, people, according to the venerable source TV Guide, Michael Vartan will be coming back this season- at least for a couple of episodes. The writers have said that it won't be flashbacks, either, but they won't comment on how they bring him back from the dead. Not that they don't have experience. That's like a monthly plot line on this show. I'm now taking bets on how many people think he was in exile in Russia somewhere...

On to other news, I don't have a scathingly sarcastic review for you right now. Nor will I regularly for a couple of days. Simple reason- Lupe's exhausted. I will be watching plenty of TV, and writing little reviews about what I think of it (Commander in Chief- Brilliant! Except for the balancing the UN with the grape juice on the pleather in the limo...that was slightly contrived). Tonight's pick is Numbers. But it takes a lot of time and energy to do one of my little CSI rants, and frankly, I just need to watch CSI now. Well, that, and I don't really want to write about Miami last week, with the "wive's weekend", where they're all sleeping with the pool boy and occaisionally with each other's husbands... is it just me or has this season really gotten tacky??? This coming Monday's looks good, though.

NY has been good, but the problem is that I've been spending pretty much all of my free time watching the DVDs of season one, and am starting to get the episodes confused. Well, not really, but details are starting to blur. :) This week's episode was good, though.

One question for people: How do we feel about Aiden's departure and the advent of this pretty little thing fro I-o-way (okay, it's Montana. But whatever.)??? I was okay with Aiden leaving, as her hooched out lips were starting to annoy, (and really, how could you stand in the way of Vanessa Ferilito's white-hot screen career???), but I'm not sure that I really like Lindsay. She's too perky. And not really as young as everyone is proclaiming every six minutes on the show. At least Aiden was safe- you knew the only guy she was gonna go near was Danny, and as far as I'm concerned, he's fair game. I'm more protective of Mac; and Flack- don't even get me started. Hands off, bitch- he's mine!!! ;)

So how do we feel??? Should Aiden have stayed? Do we like Lindsay?

Housekeeping Note:

For the three people who read this religiously, and the one person who tries to but doesn't understand about fifty percent of you, I apologize for not updating in an obscenely long time. You all know why. Really, as much as I love TV, when it comes down to watching and reviewing Lost or sitting with a loved one in their time of need, I'm not a bitch. At least not one that big.

Just a few notes~~~

1.) I'm pissed off at the WB. They cancelled Just Legal. After three episodes when it had to compete with Monday Night Football. I really don't think that's fair.

2.) MLB is still intent on ruining my life. When I turned on the television last Monday to watch Arrested Development (with the three other people in this country doing the same...) I found baseball. The same baseball, in fact, that ripped my precious House right out of my hands. Bastards.

3.) New template. Hope you all like it. I need to keep changing. It makes me happy. Live with it.

Anyhoodles, I'll try to get stuff up this week, k???

Grey's Anatomy and Comment Spam

Note: I had to put up a word verification on this blog too, as I'm really tired of random anonymous spammers trying to save my soul. My soul is just fine, thank you very much. How is yours??? Anyhoodles, please keep commenting, you just type in the word shown below where you sign in. Thank you!!!

So last night I watched Grey's Anatomy for the first time this season. I have been keepingup to date with it via a friend whose life revolves around Sunday nights on ABC, but I digress. Apparently, Cristina decided that abortion was bad, and broke up with Burke, Shephard's wife came back and is being annoyingly sweet to Meredith, who is up to her ears in crap because her mom needed care and came to Seattle General. Yeah, there's nothing like actually having to deal with a sick parent, is there, Meredith???

In last nights episode of the Young and the Brilliant, they think Meredith's mom has cancer. Actually, Meredith hopes she does because then things would be over quickly. This is our heroine??? She sleeps with a married guy and then wishes her mother will die more quickly??? Wow, it makes those hos on Desperate Housewives look nice!!!

And Cristina had some trouble and ended up bleeding out of her fallopian tube, where the baby implanted itself. And baby dies. Kind of a bummer. But Burke came back to see her. The most annoying part was when they were all sitting in Cristina's room and that awful voiceover starts with Meredith saying something inspirational like "You're gonna fall. But you'll be able to have your friends get you up again or something crappy like that...the woman lost her baby! You don't use your friends to get back from that!!! Sheesh.

Anyhoodles, still a guilty pleasure that I undoubtedly will keep watching, but they must lose the voiceover!!!

Will have CSI: Miami stuff up tomorrow...

J.J. Abrams is Dead to Me

They killed Vaughn. Insert knife here.

I'm trying to convince myself that nobody ever dies on Alias, they just go to live in Russia and be bad, but still. This is looking serious. And Michael Vartan is looking for work. *gasp* Okay, Jennifer Garner is dead to me. To quote that woman from EW "If you kill Vaughn because having him around the set makes you feel all icky, then you've lost my respect." Or something like that.

I just keep repeating to myself "No one dies on Alias. No one dies on Alias. No one dies on Alias." It's not working.

Check my other blog for a hilarious Alias list.

Commander In Chief

Week one of House-deprevation. Not doing well. Managed to survive. Still hate baseball's guts. Moving on...

CSI: Miami kind of sucked this week, essentially ripping off the Natalee Holloway case. Which I thought was in poor taste, even for the CSIs... And I can't parody a dead student story. That's just wrong. So we're gonna wait until next week for this one, okay???

I started watching Just Legal on Monday nights as well...now, please, don't let the fact that it's on the WB dissuade you from watching it. It is a real show, and it's on Mondays at 8 central. And, even though he's put on like a hundred pounds, Don Johnson still looks good. That said, it's a really interesting show! I'm even going to stop watching Two and a Half Men for it!! And, as it averages only three million viewers per week (that's like a tenth of the seasons big shows, just so you know...), we need to start watching this!!! And Arrested Development, dammit!!! If Charlize Theron is on there and you people still won't watch, there's not much I can do, now, is there??? Ahem, sorry, got off track there for a minute. Seriously, folks, the buzz going around is that it's going to be canceled, like Head Cases, after a couple of episodes. Which would suck. So please start watching. I'm begging now. And Arrested Development. That's Mondays at 7.

ANyhoodles, on to the title of the post...with the abscense of House last night, I had an opportunity to watch te ABC show Commander in Chief. Surprisingly, it was quite good. And I'm not one of those "Get a woman in here and the coutnry will be saved" people, so this is quite a stretch for me. But I can see why they picked Geena Davis to play the role. She's gigantic, and imposing, but she's got a huge mouth, which people seem to find comforting (one critic said he looked forward with anticipation to the Jolie administration...). Seriously, think of any woman with a big mouth. Do you like her??? I'll bet you do. I could totally see Blair or Putin being like "Okay, fine, we'll do whatever you want...just don't hurt us, please."

Anyhoodles, she's an independent. Well, isn't that non-partisen for you. Except that all the bad guys are repulicans. Huh. Wonder how that happened??? :p

I mean, the episode was kind of stupid. Makenzie's daughter lost her diary in the move into the White House. Ooooh, and it's got stuff about mom in it. Bummer, huh? But all is well, as the little one (who was so important I forgot her name) simply got it by mistake and proceeded to read the whole thing. Huh. So Makenzie has to be both mom and president and tell the little girl that the diary was Rebecca's private journal, and she shouldn't read it. Awwww....

So yeah, a pretty good series, although her thoughtless "I'm so perfect that I'm practically forcing this guy who hates my guts to be the vice president simply because I think it would be best for the country" is kind of annoying. Except I almost felt patriotic when she went "Tell him his commander-in-chief is calling." Almost. I'll probably watch it for the next couple weeks until House comes back on and then reevaluate it. But people should definately watch...

And then Boston Legal was on, but I didn't really watch it because I was too busy drinking most of my father's drink. Because whenever you have a choice between a manhatten or a tv show, guess what's gonna win???

BTW, I'm not sure I'll have stuff up about the rest of the week's viewing, as I have an incredibly busy weekend coming up. Maybe, because one of my classes is cancelled on Friday, so I'll have an extra hour. But don't count on it. I'll try to get a CSI: NY thing up at some point, though. EVERYBODY MUST WATCH TONIGHT---SOMEBODY'S LEAVING THE SHOW. If it's Flack, we should all send hate letters to CBS, ok???

No Internet Access

This time, it's not cable's fault. I don't have a modem until later tonight. As a result, the only stuff I can put up I have to do at school. And, as I have a law exam that I am going to fail and thus feel the need to study for during my break, you won't be getting anything. And I don't have time to finish the CSI: NY review from last night. But expect a better one next week, k???

This also means that there will be no Alias review. Long story short- Vaughn's not really bad, Sydney's pregnant, and they're running around the world. Big whup. Aside from baby, this is kind of the way that the last four seasons have gone.

So read the rest of the stuff and I'll try to get something up on tonight's stuff tomorrow. Ciao!!!

CSI: NY---YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been waiting since May 19th for a new episode---this has been the longest summer of my life!!!! Wow, I really need some real people in my life...First, I'll get a couple of other shows out of the way...

Boston Legal on Tuesday was fantastic. I really hope it does well this season without Desperate Housewives as a lead-in, because it's so great. Again, funny show, so there's not much I can say about it. Everybody must watch!!!

And Lost was last night, too. However, unlike last week's episode, this one did not deliver like Dominos. They didn't show anything new, except on the raft, and I'm not that into that part. They took you through what happened between when Kate got pulled down into the shaft and when Jack arrived, which didn't involve a whole lot except a really old computor and more of Mama Cass. Whatever. Oh, and there's some kind of weird clock that turns back when you punch in THE numbers. And Desmond has been there way too long for him to have run into Jack on the tour de stade, so this is rather confusing. Oh, and Kate's stuck in a duct.

Meanwhile, on the raft, Walt really is kidnapped, and Sawyer and Mike have a little hissy fight, and end up being carried back to the island where they find Jin tied up on the shore screaming about udders. They realize that this means "Others" just before the credits roll. Damn them. I just have more questions from this episode, no answers. Grrrr.

The main view of the evening was, of course, CSI:NY. Thankfully, I have a feeling that Flack will not be the one to leave at the end of the next episode. Which is good, because he is my Reason To Watch. He did however, get a hair cut. Damn. As Imladris put it, "Caeser died two thousand years ago, and so did that style." *shivers* I'm really hoping it will grow out though. Anyhoodles, this was quite a good episode, with Stella lightening her hair and wearing even fewer clothes than last season. I don't think she's handling Mac moving on well... Hawkes is getting out of the morgue a little bit more, and in thus bringing his gallows humor more front and center. Ew. Danny lightened his hair, too, but unfortunately Aiden is falsifying evidence and will probably be given the boot next week. Which could be why she's the only one who didn't get new shots for hte opening. Good episode, and expect a full review of next weeks, okay???

House

Note: You can see what I think of FOX, and the MLB, and everyone who ever thought throwing a ball around constituted fun on my other blog, linked on the sidebar. Grrr.

I planned on watching Commander-in-Chief last night on ABC, because it looked semi-interesting, and I'm a sucker for anything presdential (I even sit through The West Wing). However, when it comes down to a viewing decision between Mr. Little and Mrs. Little, guess who's gonna win??? However, due to the abovementioned note, I'll have plenty of free time on Tuesdays for the next five weeks, so expect something next week, k???

Yeah, I watched House last night. It was friggin' awesome. I love this show. It should play for twenty years. Hugh Laurie should have won the Emmy. It's amazing.

In this episode, Cuddy's handyman falls off her roof after she made him go up there even though he has asthma. And then he gets gangrene in his hand and a bunch of other stuff happens that's too complicated to desribe. And it was all so well-written I can't even parody it.

It was a hilarious episode, though. When they break into Cuddy's house, and House jumps on her bed, or the "She uses super-tampons. What does that mean?" line??? HAHAHAHAHA!!!

But the best part was that Wilson was in the entire episode- almost every shot. Now, this would not be an abnormal occurence, except that they never even thought for one minute that the guy had cancer. They had absolutely no need for an oncologist whatsoever, and yet he was there all the time. Just hanging around. I want to work there. It seems like so much fun!!! I'd tell everybody to watch it, except it'd not going to be on for thirty-five days. And I can't tell you to buy the DVD because I don't want anybody supporting them finacially. But come November 1st, everybody had better be there with bells on!!!!

I have to get to class now, but I'll have a Boston Legal one up when I get home. :)

CSI: Miami: Don't Trust Your Yacht Club

Oh, this was an awsome episode. Way more normal that last week's "Let's just get ticked off at the mob" theme. This one had a pretty girl being mauled, slightly shifty parents, a tall, rather nordic looking blond guy, an actual Nordic guy, and a foreign guy working in a mansion. And lest we begin to think that people behave normally when it comes to their hormones, CSI is here to remind us that incest does still happen. Ahhh....to be home again!!!!

This episode opened on a yacht that cost more than my house. There was an explosion. Preternaturally pretty daughter Julie flips out and gets ready to jump over the side. Preternaturally pretty Mom goes crazy because there are sharks in the water. Preternaturally pretty Dad is running from help. Bastard. Julie doesn't listen to Mom, and jumps in the water. She floats for all of three seconds before being yanked under. This is when preternaturally pretty son Luke goes against every single Girl Scout guide you can find and jumps in after her. Stupid, stupid Luke. Anyhoodles, they both disappear and there's this inexplicable rush of bloody water to the surface (kind of looked like the sharks got ill from the hair gel and lip gloss and threw up) before Julie's mangled life vest floats up.

Ouch.

Luckily, the slightly less attractive CSI's are all there to help. (This also is not expained. There is no reason for them to be there yet. This was not a homicide, it was a case of a fire on a boat and a shark ate her. Unless, as my father suggested, they were going to arrest the shark, there is nothing they could do. Do you think they have some kind of ESP or something to tell them that this case will end up being a murder???) And they all have their little jobs to do.

Delko goes diving for the body (is he the only one who has a wet suit??? And why is he down there alone???), Calleigh and Ryan go to process the scene, and H goes to interrogate the owner of the salvaging ship who tried to help but still would have demanded 500 k.

In the real world, this guy would be arrested. He's rude, shifty, was trying to rob the family, and looks like he smells. Oh, and he moved the bouy that caused the yacht to run aground starting the fire in the first place. This sounds like either second degree manslaughter, negligent homicide, or even felony murder to me. But, of course, he can have nothing to do with it. It's only quarter after nine.

Thankfully, Calleigh and Ryan are getting somewhere. They find the son's bong filled with cooking lighter fluid, which caused the explosion. Hmmm. Methinks something is not right here. I'm no drug expert, but I'm fairly certain it's not supposed to do that.

Unfortunately, before they can use there quota of little white gloves and q-tips, the boat starts to sink, and Calleigh and Ryan have to "run and shoot".... uh-huh, those pictures should turn out well...

Meanwhile, Island Delko (better than molesting-some-poor-girl-against-a-wall-because-he-couldn't-get-over-Speedle's-death Delko we were treated to last season...) has found a body. Then they (ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww) cut off his finger and fingerprint it. Of course, this cannot be the son, but rather some exchange student from Norway. Bummer, huh. Delko still can't find a razor.

Before they even get a chance to dry out, Calleigh and Ryan go investigate the unbelievably rich family that Exchange Student worked for. Sure enough, there's a big red stain on the floor. Tia, another preternaturally pretty whore, flips out and starts crying.

I say we start the investigation with her. She's too pretty to not have something to do with this.

Anyhoodles, a lot happens really quickly. 10 mil in gold gets stolen from Rich Family, Calleigh and Ryan find a casing (yay!!!), and Luke Gannon (the son) shows up alive and well on the aformentioned salvage ship. This guy still has nothing to do with it. Somehow they get figure out that Exchange Student's body must have been on the yacht before the explosion, and that gets Horatio suspicious. Like a good little CSI (except he never wears the coat), he investigates.

Turns out Dad and the kids have rap sheets longer than my arm. Mom is an innocent bystander.They used her (shocker of shockers) to gain access to the Yacht club so that they could steal the $10 mil. Oh, and they killed her husband. Which, by this point, gets kind of lost in the shuffle. Ironically.

And, just as I suspected, Tia has something to add to the investigation. (See, told ya.) She and Luke used to go out, but then she found him in bed with Julie (his sister). EWWWWWWWW. Excuse me for a moment while I go wash my brain out with hydrogen peroxide. *shivers*

However, Tia doens't have the whole story. Luke and Julie aren't sister and brother. This does little to appease slightly sick feeling I still have. And they're not kids. They're like thirty. But whatever. And Julie shot Exchange Student, but Luke was there. If Julie were alive, they'd definately be taken away for felony murder.

So Dad and Luke get taken away, and Julie is presumably dead, even though we never found her body, and Horatio gets to look out into the sunset with poor, broken Mom, who is going on and on and on about how she just wanted a family. Horatio, with his best I'm-going-to-take-care-of-you-ma'am look (you know, the one he uses with little abuse victims and the like) says, "I think that is what everybody wants, a family." Except he just put his last chance for one on a plane ala-Casablanca at the end of last season. *tear* But then we see Horatio watching every single CSI, who happen to be walking down the same corridor at the exact same time for the story's sake, and you see that it dawns on him that he really does have a family... awwwww!!!!!!

So what did we learn this week??? Don't go to your yacht club's single dances. You'll end up burned (literally..HAHAHAHA).

Supernanny

Note: I changed the template again. The last one wasn't working for me. I'll probably be experimenting for awhile...

Wow, I have a new favorite show. This show is awesome. I tuned in because I though (stupidly) that ABC was running all of their season premieres in one week (I must learn not to trust the alphabet network...), and wanted to see Hope and Faith, as much as it kills me to admit it. But, alas, ABC was toying with my affections again, and had this show on instead.

Last season, I contemplated watching it, but the woman annoyed me too much. I figured she was too Mary Poppins to suceed on network tv. And I was right. This season, it's the same woman, but suddenly she is out of those awful ill-fitting suits and into cute clothes, with her hair down and styled as opposed to the bun that seemed like the epitome of British restraint. In the words of Captain Norrington "This is some very restrained acting right here..." She's actually quite pretty. And bigger than me. I love that about women on TV.

But she's still Supernanny!!! Although what made her an authority on the subject, I have no idea, as she's single and not a mother. It's a lot easier to deal with children when you...don't actually have to deal with them...yeah...who hired her???

Anyhoodles, this week she was helping some poor family with two daughters, one of whom was developmentally disabled, and a little boy. Oh, and a father that resolved his issues with a "firm tap"...or a whack. Whatever you want to call it. I'm seeing little Julius ending up in juvie for "firmly tapping" the hell out of his girlfriend...

But that's not the point. The mom really wanted Jo there. And the Dad really didn't. The mom paid attention and followed Jo's instructions, or "techniques", even if they took hours. Dad groused for the half hour he actually did work, and then watched TV. All while Jo sat in their bedroom looking quite comfortable going "Now, mum, you must follow the bedtime technique...Dad, where are you going?"

I think Mom and Dad have some problems that Jo cannot help them with. Unless she has a masters in couples therapy.

So poor mom would haul her ass out into the hallway and drag whatever spawn of her love had crawled out of his/her room back to bed while Dad was like "This is totally bs." Well, he didn't really say that, although I wouldn't be surprised if ABC just edited it out, but you could totally tell that's what he was thinking. That and "Why the hell is there a British nanny in my bedroom???"

Ooooh, and the naughty chair. One cannot express in writing how absolutely ridiculous this sounded. Just can't. But it did. I guess it worked, though, because little Julius stopped throwing the naughty chair after about fifteen times. Hehehehe...that part was funny.

Anyhoodles, this is a rather addicting show, and as it's up against absolutely nothing of interest (that I could find...correct me if I'm wrong) I would suggest watching. Fridays at 7.

Lots of TV tomorrow and Tuesday nights, so expect frequent updates...

CSI! CSI! OMG, CSI! And other shows...

Yes, it was the season premiere of CSI: Original last night... a long-awaited night for many in my household. Unfortunately, I cannot seem to get into that show. No matter how hard I try. I know it's the best from an artistic standpoint of the three, and the characters and stories are great, and just the fact that it's set in Vegas is enough to ensure lifelong viewership from certain members of my family, but I just can't get into it. This is strange, as I arguably spend more time thinking/talking about the other CSI characters than the actual people in my life, but I digress.

Hysterical Breaking News Flash: Warrick got married!!!!! "What?!?!??!" you say? I know, I did too!!! Shocking. This is so going to hurt his relationship with Catherine...why is Jerry Bruckheimer intent on screwing up all of my CSI's relationships????? Cases in point: Mac spent the summer with some whore, and Yelena did a Casablanca and ended up in the Caribbean with "dead" Ray. The bastard. And now this!!! I don't know what to believe in anymore!!!
End Hysterical Breaking News Flash.

I did, however, watch most of it. I didn't really get it. I know somebody died with a skank in bed in a trailer park (what else is new???) and then sombody drove a car through the "house" and killed them. I don't get it. And then there was this car that they found that had been sitting out in the heat for six days...with two dead bodies in the trunk. Yeah, you know that one's not going to be pretty. Grissom suggested a "car condom" to transport the car back to the lab. Thank you, Grissom. That was lovely. I really needed to know that.

Yeah, I stopped watching towards the end, so I don't know what happened. But I do know that is was darn near impossible to parody. Talk to Imladris if you want to know the ending.

I do, however, have some gossip, from the venerable source TV Guide---

*SPOILERS*

Supposedly, there's the one case in a couple of episodes that takes Greg, Grissom, and Sara to another city. And Greg and Grissom share a room. But Greg snores. So Grissom goes and spends the night with Sara. (!!!!!!!!!)

Morality Note: I don't condone this.

Omigosh!!!!! The juiciness of it all!!!! :D:D:D:D Now, supposedly nothing happens, but still!!! Not to mention Sara's been having fantasies about this since Day 1. I even know that, and I've seen like three episodes.

*END SPOILERS*

I watched some other shows last night, too. Like I've stated before, I'll watch almost anything once. The most promising was "Everbody Hates Chris", on UPN at seven. Normally, I would have watched Joey, but I can't stomach him and Alex as a couple. *shivers* And it's not nearly as funny as last year (which is saying something, because it wasn't that funny last year!!!).

But that was amazing. I was laughing the entire half hour. "School shootings are like rock and roll, something that black men invented and white men stole." I'm still laughing!!! Oh, and "The principal did something with a little girl that we are not allowed to mention because of network censors. But if the principal moves to your neighborhood, you'll get a notice." HAHAHAHA

Despite the fact that it's on UPN, the network the other networks try to avoid in the hallways and never admit to knowing so that it's forced to sit with the WB and all those gorgeous, moody teens at lunch, this is definately one of the most promising new shows I've seen this season. Everyone should watch!!!

ER was on last night, too. I watched most of it, but it's kind of losing it's edge. I still like it because of Kovac (or my predisposition for recently formed eastern European nations), and they made some strong moves with putting those new interns in, but it'll never get back what it lost with Carter. Even if John Stamos joins the cast. Pretty much Sam and Luka ran around midwest looking for Alex. And then inexplicably ended up in a prison. Where Sam told Luka she didn't want to have more children (why????? He's like the best genetic speciman you could get!!!!) and I think they broke up. But I'm not sure. I'll watch next week, I promise.

So yeah, that was pretty much all I watched last night. Boring, I know. There's nothing on on Friday nights, and I'm going to a movie tonight, so I probably won't have anything up tomorrow. We'll see, though. :)

CSI: Miami and Lost

Note: I hate CBS. Possibly more than I hated ABC when they took Boston Legal off the air (I know it's been nine months, let me be bitter, okay???). Definately more than I hated the cable company when the cable went out and they neglected to fix it before the season premiere of House, and that is difficult. Because Presiden't Bush's speech last Thursday preempted the repeat of the CSI finale, they reran it last night, instead of a new CSI: New York episode. Otherwise known as the show I've been waiting since May 19th for!!! I hate them. I may have to retract my offer to give Jerry Bruckheimer my firstborn. I'm that upset. >:( Moving on...

Housekeeping (Not Angry At Network) Note: Rather than do a whole bunch of entries on every single show that I've watched in the past three days, thus wasting your time and mine, I'm just going to deal with them all at once. Thanks!!!

It's a new season!!! I'm so friggin' happy for me!!! And let me tell you, my shows so far have delivered like Dominos!!! :D Of course, due to the abovementioned knife in my heart, I've only had two major premieres so far- Lost and CSI: Miami. I'll deal with those first, and then run down the list of other shows I've tried this week. Oh, and there was a new episode of House that I want to touch on, too.

CSI: Miami:

Good Side: This show is making strides towards becoming a regular drama, with less individualized cases and more time spent on the actual people involved. Obviously, when you arguably spend more time with these fake people than the real ones in your life, this is a Good Thing. However, there is a...

Bad Side: The absence of laughably succinct cases makes it incredibly hard to write sarcastically about the episodes. I can't joke about a woman being raped and then losing the baby she was carrying. That's just sad!!!

(Also, in a remarkably un-CSI-like turn, they did not explain in painful, slightly disturbing, ages14-and-up-please detail exactly how being raped caused the poor woman to lose the baby. I found it refreshing, because really, we can all figure this out. Maybe they'll stop having a weekly bondage crime, too!)

Anyhoodles, this episode was amazing. It opened with Horatio confessing to some cardinal from New York ("Did you talk to Mac, Father??? He's in pain over the death of his wife and the fact that he went out with a whore who picks up guys at crime scenes. He needs your guidance!!!" Sorry...) that he's got blood on his hands. The cardinal seems quite familiar with this, and, as we know from TV Guide (*SPOILERS*), it's becuase Horatio killed a woman a long time ago. So the cardinal comforts him and then gives him a kind of weird explanation of penance that I kind of don't agree with but am not going to get into because it's pointless.

Anyhoodles, they never make it to abosolution, as there's a shooting in the cemetary outside the cathedral, and H has go run out and help. Some crazy has jumped out of the coffin and started mowing down mourners!!! H is outraged. As we quickly find out, this is the doings of the Mala Noche, who will be playing the part of Bad Guy all season, apparently. Interesting.

This is when we get to meet all of the CSIs who are back for another season in a rather long, somewhat tiresom slow-motion thingy. Calleigh's back!!! I totally knew it, but it was comforting to know for sure. I'm never sure when TV Guide's spoilers are reliable. And Delko's got a beard!!!!! Not a good look, btw.

Ryan is slowly morphing into Don Johnson. With a bad haircut. At least he seems to be playing nicely with the other little CSIs now.

And they all band together to do not much of anything the whole episode. Poor Used-to-be-Pregnant Woman was left out to be beaten up and raped by the Mala Noche while her employer/baby daddy runs and hides in the panic room with his perfect wife and 2.5 children (hehehe, literally!!!!). Bastard. Horatio yells at him for this.

Horatio: "Do you provide health insurence for your staff?
Bastard: "No."
Horatio: "You do now. You're paying for her hospital stay."
Bastard: "*is speechless, but presumably pays*"

So yeah, this wasn't a terribly procedureal episode, with two crimes that probably but not necessarily link up within the last fifteen minutes where the victim is always twenty-five, beautiful, thin, and probably engaging in risky sexual behavior, and the person who owned the murder weapon, the property where the victim was found, and had a significant reason to want her dead (it's always a her) is innocent. :) Still shockingly good, though. And next week's looks somewhat more par for the course, so we'll see about a funny review then.

Lost

Oh my freakin' gosh. It's been eighteen hours and I'm still speechless. And breathless. And counting the days desperately until next Wednesday. I missed the first few moments, as I had a family funeral to attend and can only run so fast from the car to the couch in high heels. But that's okay. The meat of the episode was after the first commerical.

Shannon and Sayid are taking a break from doing nothing but each other and are now just doing...nothing, apparently. Oh, except Shannon lost the dog, and is feeling badly because she won't exactly be able to explain to poor little Walt that she was distracted by the Iraqi militant that she was rolling around in the sand with and lost track of the thing. So she goes looking for the dog, and instead finds Walt- who whipsers (like the Others? Get it?) and disappears when her paramour arrives. Bummer, huh.

Side Note: Do you know that it is fundamentlaly impossible to yell in surprise in an accent other than your own? Seriously, watch any show where somebody is using an accent other than their native one. I've noticed this on House and now on Lost, too. When Sayid exclaims in surprise, he ceases to sound Iraqi, he sounds British. When House is surprised, he sounds British too, not American like in the rest of the show. Kind of funny, when you think about it.

And Kate and Jack and Locke (whose name I cannot figure out. They would not have named him after the philospher/political scientist/guy whose ideas were stolen by Thomas Jefferson when he wrote the Declaration of Independence, thus giving us our concept of democracy if it wasn't important. If anybody has any ideas on this, please let me know, because it's killing me) have opened the Hatch, and discovered that on the inside is a little world, where this weird guy who met Jack once before the crash lives (who called it???) with a weird song blasting. Huh. This has given me enough to think about for the coming week.

And Hurley won $114 million dollars playing the lottery with the numbers that are all over the show. Freaky, huh??? This single episode was better than all of last season. Only six more days!!!!!!!!

House

House: "Maybe she escapes by having fantasies about older men with great hair."
Chase: *knows he just broke like every single child protection law in the state of New Jersey and therefore shuts the hell up*
House: You did it, didn't you???
Chase: "It wasn't sick- it was one kiss for a dying girl."
Cameron: *freaks out*
House :*rolls eyes* [to Cameron] "Go see if she's been molested."
Cameron: [muffled, as she still has her hands clamped over her mouth] "Okay."
House: "See, this is exactly why you can't touch my markers!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...this was on Tuesday night and I'm still laughing. Okay, you kind of had to be there.

Keep checking for new updates and possibly a new format...not sure yet.

Maybe this will work...

...just seeing if putting another post up will push my last one up and actually let it be shown...

Hooking Up

It's summer. And there's nothing on. You know it's bad when the whole country is transfixed by Dancing With the Stars, and utterly devestated when That Guy From Seinfeld loses (otherwise known in entertainment circles, which I do not claim to be a part of, as John You-Should-Have Won O'Hurley). This is evident by the fact that ABC is running a six-part documentary/newsmagazine/reality show on Thursday nights called "Hooking Up", chronicalling the exploits of eleven single women in New York who internet date. And even more evident by the fact that I watched it.

Okay, I wouldn't normally have. But this blog has been hopelessly bereft since school and the regular programming ended, and I felt that, like a good mother, I had to watch something to comment on. And, despite my earlier comments, I actually watched only one episode of Dancing With the Stars, but the site of Joey McIntyre being flipped by some woman was enough to keep me in stiches for weeks!!! :D Oh, and TBS was having some boring baseball game instead of Friends reruns, and I had nothing else to do. Sadness.

Yeah, it was kind of scary. Okay, really scary. Enough to make me want to move to India just for the arranged marriages. Now, I have hardly been around long enough to be "exhausted with the dating world" as everybody claims that they are, but just and hour of watching the awkward conversation and "So where do you see this going?" stuff for what ends up being a totally fruitless relationship (half the women broke up with the guys, and the other half were deciding between two equally boring and disgusting guys) was enough to make me wish that there was some way you could just jump to the part of the relationship where you know the person enough to not have to sit awkwardly next to him/her on the sofa and watch a movie. You know, the part where you can say, "I'm planning on watching a movie tonight. If you would like to accompany me, shut up and bring me popcorn." That's what I think would be great in a relationship.

And then just the pitiful selection of men on the show was enough to make me consider a religious vocation. Or maybe it was just the stupidity of the women involved. Okay, really just one women- Sonya. The others actually appeared to be quite nice and just a little bit out of their league with the whole internet dating thing. They were way too normal. The one I did identify with was the one who dumped the guy because he wasn't marriage material and then broke out the Pillsbury cookies. She was real.

But anyway, this Sonya woman goes out on her first date of the show, with this slimeball male chauvanist pig that even I could tell was trouble and I was watching it on television. So they're sitting there drinking (which, btw, I don't think is a Great Idea on the first date. Personally, I would want all of my faculties available when deciding whether or not to continue with the relationship, but whatever) and Slimeball asks the young lady if she ever kisses on the first date. Sonya shrugs and says he'd had to find out. So Slimeball takes this as an invitation to start sucking her face off. And Sonya lets him!!!! And then she GOES HOME WITH HIM---but with the promise that he "behave". Excuse me, Sonya, what part of Life 101 did you miss? You go home with a guy you met on the INTERNET who just came this close to molesting you in the bar and you want him to behave? Like he wants to show you family pictures. There is no happy ending to this!!! So they're sitting on the couch making out and whatever (honestly, I started flipping back and forth between this and Just Married on FX) and then he tries to take her shirt off, but can't because she has it safety-pinned closed. She called it her security measure.

You know what also works, Sonya? Not going home with him!!!!!! Sheesh. I think it's safe to say that Mensa was never calling for this particular chick. Ugh. This is why the biggest killer of pregnant women is the father of their babies---because some women are so stupid!!!!

So yeah, and intersting and rather disheartening show in general. But I do hope that the born-again virgin finds somebody, because she seemed really nice, and just watching what kind of CSI-esque situation Sonya finds herself in will be enough to bring many viewers back. I'm not sure---I'll see what's on TBS...

Cleveland TV...

...sucks. At least the chanels they give you at this damn hotel. Half of our shows are in Arabic, and let me tell you, Iranian sitcoms- not so funny. Oddly enough, there aren't a whole lot of women characters... And then we have the music video chanel that sounds like some sort of language derived from Russian. Romanian? Albanian? Hungarian? I known it's not Polish or Ukrainian, but other than that, I'm not sure... I really miss my own TV stations!!!!

Just an update...

I've been kind of busy doing nothing this summer, and feel as though I neglected this blog. Sadness. The shouting comment from Imladris last week was enough to make me at least post this...

I kind of forgot what happened in CSI:Miami at the end of the season, but suffice to say that the knife that was inserted into my chest when Mac left Stella to cry into her tv dinner was twisted when Horatio LET YELENA GET ON THE PLANE WITH RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! What kind of bastard lets his wife and child think he's dead??????? NOT a nice one!!!! And this so ruins the plans of having Horatio and Yelana get together, even though she dumped the abusive DA. Grrr. Why does nobody listen to me?????

Anyhoo, this is how we're going to be doing things for the summer. If it's a particularly good episode of one of my "school year shows" (such as any of the CSIs) that I haven't already reviewed, then I'll post it here. Otherwise I'll just put up random stuff on the crappy TV that the networks give us during the summer. At least it will be interesting. :)

CSI:NY- Season Finale *sob*

*tear* NO!!! They can't take this away from me!!! Please, Mr. Bruckheimer, I have so little in my life- at least let me keep my little fake friends with me during the summer! *tear* Okay, calming down...at least it will be in reruns, and CBS announced on Thursday that they were renewing it for another season, which is wonderful and totally deserved, because it really is getting better.

Okay, so I knew it was coming. The season had to end at some point, and it is almost the end of May, but I wasn't ready for it! I'm going to miss them- even Collogen Lips, because she was good for a laugh occasionsly. *sigh* But the season finale really was quite good, except for a little romantic rendezvous that we shall discuss later.

The story, in a nutshell, is that Mac is at his local coffee shop being hit on by some whore when some guy pulls a gun and starts shooting, killing one man and wounding the waitress. Mac decides to stay and help Amy, the waitress, rather than run after the shooter, because he is a kind, caring individual who would never be happy in a relationship with a woman who picks up guys at crime scenes. Amy's okay, but you know that she's got something to do with this because they pay way too much attention to her for just a waitress. Turns out the guy who was shot was wearing a wire, and working with the NYPD to catch somebody. But things went wrong when they saw Mac there, and for some reason the bad guy started shooting instead. I don't know, I was kind of distracted by Stella's cleavage that was being revealed by the minute as she got more and more desperate. But I digress...

Then the shooter was caught, but the Feds let him go, because clearly he had something more important to do for them, but he ended up getting shot anyway. At first they thought that Amy's brother did it, because the gun that killed Bad Guy was registered to him. And he was shifty looking. However, this is tantamount your release papers in CSI world, because clearly the guy who owned the gun could not have used it to kill somebody. That would be too easy. Then they discovered that, in her infinite teenage-girl wisdom, Amy had given the gun to her new boyfriend because she didn't feel safe with it. And New Boyfriend was involved with the shooting, and killed Bad Guy. Obviously, they tied this up much better than I am able to because I was concerned with Mac getting hurt again.

But the fact that an innocent girl was shot in the shoulder and a man was killed was not the most disturbing thing about this episode. No, it was the fact that, while Mac was innocently sitting at the counter drinking his coffee, some woman of questionable occupation comes and sits down next to him and starts flirting. *cough*WHORE!!!*cough* Clearly, she did not realize that his wife died and even if he were going to start dating again (because it has been three and a half years) he will simply marry Stella. Well, I know this, and was yelling it at her quite loudly throughout most of the show. Not that she listened. Thankfully, the shooting happened and interupped.

But then she goes and picks him up at the crime scene!!! How tacky is that???? I mean, the guy is laying there dead, and she's all "I don't usually do this, but if you want to meet for a drink or something...". UGH. And, Mac, just a tip- if she says she doesn't do it that often, chances are she's lying. Anyhoo, Mac actually takes her card!!! I believe this is when the swearing started.

But the really funny part is when Stella realizes that somebody else may have their claws into her last chance to have a baby. All of a sudden, the jacket comes off, and there is more and more cleavage being shown in each scene. In spite of all of this, Mac still decides to go out with this whore...no, Mac, no!!! I was screaming into a pillow by this time- I was that upset.

Ohm and the best part of the episode is the end, when Stella walks into the little CSI place in this backless, legless, practically frontless number that's spray painted on and offers to straighten Mac's tie. Stella maintains she has a date, but Imladris and I feel that she simply went home to cry into her Lean Cuisine or perhaps stalk social services. And Mac isn't even persuaded by this!!! Stella, who is so perfect for him and totally would understand his need to keep the beach ball around, is standing there wearing essentially dark Saran Wrap, and he still wants to meet this woman for a drink. *sob* What is wrong with you, Mac!?!?!?! How is that little hooker going to feel about the beach ball, huh? Do you think this is what Claire would want? NO! She wants you to get with the co-worker whom she knew and loved!! Ugh. *throws up hands*

So Mac is at a bar in a hotel with this chick for all summer. (Insert knife here.)

Lost, Alias, and how ABC toys with my affections

Ah, yes...that time had come. It was Wednesday night, and I was all prepared to say goodbye to my little friends on the island and in the CIA. Mainly, because ABC had been running commericals all week proclaiming "The season finales of Lost and Alias- this Wednesday", and stupidly, I believed them.

I should know better than to do this. ABC has always had it in for me, starting with canceling Boston Legal for the rest of the season in favor of Grey's Anatomy which, while being a somewhat interesting show, has got to realize that we don't want to see our surgical interns acting like twelve-year-olds. I love my little brother dearly, but I don't want his peers operating on me!!! Anyhoo, they took that knife and twisted it last week when they announce that 8 Simple Rules was canceled. Now, I know it was hardly intelligent comedy, but really, what else did they have to put on on Friday nights?? Less than Perfect got to come back, and that didn't??? Even David Spade alone is funnier than half the cast of Less than Perfect. Grr. Let's just say the alphabet network and I have very rarely gotten along.

So I settle down to watch Lost. And it seems to be moving quite slowly. Frenchie comes back and goes all crazy and starts loading guns. Oh, and we learn who Alex is. Apparently, Frenchie was seven months pregnant when she crashed on the island (why do all these women travel so late in pregnancy?? Don't they know that's not great???), and gave birth to a little girl, Alex. But then a week later, Frenchie claims that "the black smoke came", which prompted my sister and I to remark "So there's no Pope?", and then the Others came and took Alex away from Frenchie.

Of course, this could have been the island chaptero f social services, because Frenchie is quite crazy (as evidenced by the machine gun she's holidng in her hands...freaky). Most of the smart castaways pretty much just roll their eyes and go "Okay, sure hon," but then the black smoke comes. Seriously, there's a big pillar of smoke coming from the center of the island. So they (???) follow it and discover that the black rock that we've been hearing about all season is actually a ship. What? Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.

Yeah, um, other than that, nothing much happens. Shannon looks moody, but perfectly coiffed. I want to see these perfectly put together girls start getting desperate and try to fashion tampons out of bamboo leaves. That w0uld be reality. Oh, and the group leaves on the raft. Big whup.

So I'm sitting there thinking, "Well, this really didn't clear anything up, except now I'm wondering about the black smoke. This kind of sucks as a finale," when (what do you know?) there's a commericial for next week's season finale of Lost. WHAT???? I just got worked up over nothing??? Grrr.

On to the next viewing choice of the evening, Alias. This one I was pretty convinced actually was the finale, because it was two hours, and again, ABC had been touting it as such for the past week. But no. This wasn't the real one either!!! I have to wait until next week (when they only give me an hour) to figure out what happens with the Rambaldi device and whether or not the world will end!!!! ARGH!!!

Just a couple of little details- Irina's alive, they found her cowering in a hold somewhere in Russia. Jack is still glowing, but now he's researching the Chernobyl incident and trying to figure out how to stop glowing. Irina hits Jack for trying to kill her, even though she's quite clearly alive. And she meets Nadia for the first time since giving birth. Awww...how sweet. I still can't figure that out, because she and Sydney look like they're exactly the same age. Oh, and Irina's sister Elena (Irina and Elena---haven't these people ever heard of normal names that don't sound exactly alike? What about Rachel? That's good, and doesn't sound like the rest of them!!) let loose the Rambaldi device and now the world is speeding towards armeggedon. But Vaughn proposed, which was so cute and so sweet and would have been perfect if it hadn't been on an army fighter jet.

So what did we learn this week? Don't trust ABC, it's come back to haunt you.

Signs of the Apocolypse...

Okay, I have a confession to make. In a weak moment comprised of the fact that TBS was running Sex and the City instead of Friends reruns, and ABC was having their stupid "super-sized" episodes so Geoge Lopez wasn't off yet (FYI, Carmen's pregnant and engaged.), and that I thought it would be fun to write about in here, I watched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic on UPN last night. It was like a train wreck or perhaps Mr. Personality, you know there is no way that this oculd end prettily, without mass carnage, but you just couldn't tear your eyes away.

Well, that's not entirely true. I managed after ten or twelve minutes. It got disgusting. Especially when you thought about the fact that at this point, the white-trash guy on the other end of that damn camcorder may or may not have told his pregnant girlfriend that he was going to be a little bit late that night because he was roaming around London with a whore...sorry, Britney. Now, I don't approve of having children before marriage, but that woman still deserved some respect.

Anyhoo, it wasn't just the content matter that was disgusting, or the overwhelming stupidity that both Britney and Kevin brought to the screen (You wanted to just ask them, "Do you read? At all? Anything?"), it was the actual format of the show. Just the changing hair color that Britney sported was enough to make me feel nauseous, but the worst was the way it was shot. We've all knew (or at least me, who spends over a hundred dollars on entertainment magazines a year...I'm so weird...) that this was primarily composed of home videos that the happy couple themselves shot. What they failed to mention is that both of them absolutely SUCK as camera-people. I'm serious, I got cross-eyed and dizzy after a couple of minutes. That damn camera would not say steady- or focused. I'm still a little motion sick, and it's been thirteen hours.

And then they would cut up those fantastic videos with "Entirely New Exclusive Interviews"! Oh joy. At least it gave my eyes a rest, because the UPN person could keep the camera from moving, but what came out of their mouths was almost as nauseating. "Oh my gosh, baby, I love you so much," Britney expounds during one segment in that sickeningly Southern accent that I swear has gotten heavier since her "Oops I Did It Again" days. Why? He's ugly, and a scumbag, and looks like he smells!! And you had to buy your own friggin' engagment ring!!! How could you love that???? Ugh. Oooh, and she makes sure that we all know she's really shy in her personal life. Uh-huh. That really comes across when you're dancing in that dominatix outfit you sport so willingly every night during your concert. Stupidity disgusts me.

In the commercial, Britney asks "Can you handle my truth?" Well, if it means lying around a hotel room with a completely class-less scumbag who left his girlfriend and daughters to live off of your money and doing not much of anything except run around in track suits that cost enough to give several third-world children food for six months, then I guess the answer is no. Sorry. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. I just hope that baby they're having doesn't take after it's parents, because that would be a real shame.

Alias- Killer Bees

Okay, this episode wasn't really about killer bees. That was just the first part and the only title I could think of , except perhaps "Writers had better stop putting in so many "tender" father/daughter sister/sister scenes or I'm going to throw up". I thought that would be nasty. Ooooh, and I have some news, from the venerable source TV Guide...

*SPOILER ALERT*

Okay, Lena Olin has definately been rehired. For those of you know don't know, Lena Olin plays Irina Derevkov, Sydney's Russian (what else?) mom who was bumped off by Daddy at the end of last season. She also had an affair with Sloane (the real one) and gave birth to Nadia, which leads me to constantly marvel on how one woman can have two such perfect looking daughters. 'Cause, really, I love Jack to death, but hardly fantastic genetic material, and Sloane? *gag*

Anyhoodles, she's not just back in flashbacks!!! She's still alive, which means Jack didn't off her, and therefore Sydney can stop being so awkward with him! Yay!

And Vaughn is going to propose!! Probably right before that freaky-ass Rambaldi armegeddon or something, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no?

*END SPOILER ALERT*

Alright, this was a really long, complicated episode with a lot of names that ended in -ov, and I really don't remember all those, so we're just going to summerize. It opened with Sloane Clone at some freaky monestary where all the monks were playing with bees. I guess they got tired of translating from Latin. Anyhoo, S.C. apparenlty knows the head priest at them monestary, who, in what is apparently an attempt to be modern, wears a black t-shirt instead of the Roman collar. I guess when you're raising killer bees to breed a super-race or something equally as implausible, tradition doesn't mean so much. Whatever. Well, this guy, Father Whats-His-Name (I'm pretty sure it ended in -ov, though), won't give S.C. what he wants. As we all know from the unfortunate belt-sander incident a couple of weeks ago, S.C. is not going to take this information lying down. Instead, he releases something into the air that causes all the bees (who were perfectly harmless before) to go all crazy and kill all the monks. Then S.C. shoots Father Whats-His-Name.

Honestly, that that's as much as I remember. Watch the season finale!!!

Lost- Hitchcock for the 21st Century

Okay, is anybody else feeling like this is kind of morphing into one long Hitchcock movie? I mean, the beginning is very "Charade"-like, and then the part with Kate showering in the beginning and the spooky music and the fact that she was a blond was kind of "Psycho"-ish. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because I love Hitchcock, it's just kind of different.

And then we have the bad '50s horror movies on the other half of the island. You know, Claire thinking her baby is the Spawn of Satan or whatever, and the glowing hatch that "Maybe wasn't meant to be opened from the outside." Well, Mr. Iraqi-Operative-Who-Killed-His-Best-Friend, where the hell else are you supposed to open it from??? Trust me, ABC needs this hit so badly that they're not going to have Martians coming out of it.

So just to briefly summerize the episode, Claire has gotten remarkably thin after being pregnant for like a year, and Charlie is presumably still taking care of the baby because we don't see it the whole episode. See? Even in the tropics, children can disappear on TV shows!!! My personal favorite of this nature is still baby Emma on Friends, who showed up in like three episodes, despite the fact that they never made any reference to who was taking care of her. Kate is getting desperate to get on that raft, because obviously if people come back to rescue them, they'll realize that Kate is wanted and then arrest her. Not good. So Kate figures if she just gets on that raft and then disappears once they hit land, she'll be fine. Sounds like a reasonable plan. Except that Sawyer has the last seat on the raft, and there is no way in hell he's giving it up. Uh-huh. On the other side of the island, Jack and Sayid and Locke are investigating the glowing hatch and Virgin Mary dolls filled with herion. Freaky. This is when Sayid comes out with his brilliant aformentioned comment about opening it. *rolls eyes* And what the hell made them all such good friends??? I mean, Jack was ready to kill Locke last week (although it was rather tasteless of him to show up still in his shirt drenched in Boone-blood), and Sayid has pretty much done nothing but Shannon for the last couple of weeks.

So this was kind of a tie it all up episode, where everybody finally learns that Kate was with the marshall, and that the little boy burned the raft, and that Sun is trying to poison her husband, which kind of makes it tedious for the audience because we knew all this (except the poisoning thing) before. But whatever.

We do get another flashback episode of Kate's, which is like three more than the rest of the cast has had. What about Jack?? Is he still married? Is he looking? What does he like in a woman? Okay, moving on... Anyway, we learn that Kate's mom had cancer, and Kate must have done something God-awful because when she goes to see Cancerous Mom, Cancerous Mom flips out and calls the doctor. I guess Kate doesn't like that, because she knocks the doctor out and ends up running from the police. Some how she ends up with her old childhood boyfriend, who is now married and has a little boy. For some inexplicable reason, they go and dig up their old time capsule, which contains (!!!) the little plane figure!!!! *gasp* And then Old Boyfriend gets shot when the police that Kate is running from miss her and kill him instead. So, in the space of about twenty minutes, Kate has met her old-but-now-married boyfriend, destroyed his life, kissed him, dug up an old box, terrorized her dying mother, and killed said old boyfriend. Boy, that girl can move!!!

So yeah, I'm still totally into this show, but it seems like it's getting kind of strange. And we do need to learn more about the other characters, although we were introduced to another one this week (weather guy). But at least we all know where that little plane came from, because let me tell you, that was bugging me!!

CSI: Miami- Reunion from Hell

Well, this week found the Miami-Dade CSI team with a plethora to attend to. First, somebody ends up dead at their high school reunion. Then, Horatio finds out some information about his "dead" brother. Meanwhile, Calleigh is experimenting with lip liner and Ryan is slowly morphing into Don Johnson circa "Miami Vice". Only one of those last two was successful. I'll give you a hint- it didn't involve a white jacket. Apparently he's moved on from being nasty to the other CSI's and now wants to make the audience suffer. What happened to the tasteful sweater vests he sported so adorably in the beginning of the season???

Anyway, there were, as usual, two crimes.
1.) High school star is found dead on the floor of a bathroom.
2.) Undercover cop that Horatio ran into a few weeks ago is now dead and somebody has processed the scene.

In the first crime, we see this guy who still spends way on his hair primping in the mens room at a reunion. And then we see somebody brain him with a champagne bottle. He falls to the ground, even though the bottle only hit him once, and didn't really seem to be that serious. I guess he had to be dead, though.

Within minutes, all the little CSI's flood the scene. Alexx, being the perceptive one in the group, states upon seeing the large welt that really could not have come from a single blow by a bottle that didn't even break, that "He died of blunt force trauma." No kidding. I hate it when they oversimplfy things. Only then to they check his name tag (with a name on it that I forgot so we'll just call him the Man Slut) and realize that he was quite the thing in high school. You know, the whole quarterback, student body president, yada yada yada. We got it, he was popular. I can't believe that I forgot the little bon mot that Horatio got in before the credits, because it was really good. Can you help me out with this one, Imladris?

Back from commericals, Ryan and Calleigh go talk to Man Slut's wife, Jennie. Guess what? In a totally un-CSI-like turn (because, you know, they never have pretty, popular people on :p), Jennie was also head cheerleader! Isn't that cute? Quarterback and head cheerleader together after all these years! Awww... Until Ryan has to break the news that Man Slut has a "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" or something. Jennie, who knows way too much about the layers of the human epidermis for somebody in a dress that looks like hers, immediately asks "A hickey?" Hehehehe...now, depite having the muscle layers down, Jennie's not smart enough to save face and say she gave it to him, she has to flip out and yell about how he was a man slut...hence the name.

So the CSI's jump to interrogating the one unattractive person there, and even she has a good body. (Side note: I don't know why I watch this show. It's depressing.) Apparently, she was Man Slut's little plaything in high school, and "just wanted to get that feeling back".

Oh, gag me. What kind of feeling do way-too-impressed-with-themselves high school guys give you? That Awkward where-do-I-put-my-nose feeling? I don't want that now- much less in fifteen years when you're all supposed to have moved on. And a BATHROOM??? Come on, at least get a room, its a friggin hotel for goodness sakes!!!

Well, Man Slut apparently hasn't changed in the fifteen years since high school, and only wanted Unattractive Girl for one thing---and Unattractive Girl has apparently gained a smidgen of self respect (although not much judging from the dress) and dumps him. Well, it's only twenty after by the time she admits this. She had motive, opportunity, and admitted to holding the murder weapon.

Of course, this means she's not guilty.

Meanwhile, back in the lab, they find sand crystals on the bottle of champagne, which they trace to the Bahamas. Conveniently, Calleigh and Don...sorry, Ryan, remember reading in the yearbooks that the senior class trip was to the Bahamas.

Author's Note: What kind of high school is this? They get to go to the Bahamas??? Every high school I know goes to a Six Flags or something. See, everybody is rich on CSI, too!!!

So Calleigh and Ryan end up back at the hotel trying to question Krystal, who hasn't realized that she's not seventeen anymore and should probably be concerned with something other than high school. While they're trying to corner Krystal, they run into this creepy insurance guy who crashes reunions and sells life insurance to desperate drunk ex-cheerleaders. While carrying around a creepy mortality clock. Well, Insurance Guy tells Calleigh that he sold Jennie a million dollar life insurance policy for Man Slut the nigh before.

The suspect list so far...
1.) Jennie- motive, opportunity, and a million reasons to want him dead: Not Guilty
2.) Unattractive Girl- motive, opportunity, and a murder weapon: Not Guilty
3.) Other Guy who was pissed at Man Slut for ruining the grading curve (I forgot where he came in, but thought I should mention him)- motive, opportunity, and again, he held the murder weapon: Not Guilty

Now, in the real world, all three of these people would be in custody awaitng trial. But not in CSI world!!! No- something about Insurance Guy sets them off. Turns out he did atend school at whatever school this was, but only for a year.

Yeah, it takes about three second with H for the whole story to come pouring out. Insurance Guy, who's name is actually Danny, was a little wimp, so Man Slut tied him up with duct tape, gagged him, and left him in the gym locker over night. Not nice. Apparently, duct tape burns, so Danny now has skin grafts and one hell of a grudge against Man Slut. So he went to the reunion, confronted Man Slut in the bathroom, and got royally pissed off when Man Slut didn't remember what he did to him.

Now, I know this probably wasn't the first thing of the sort Man Slut did, but don't you think you'd remember if you deprived a kid of oxygen for fourteen hours? And wouldn't he have ben suspended and, oh, arrested when Danny finally was untied and told them who did it???

Well, Danny doesn't take kindly to not being remember, and goes beserk and kills Man Slut with the bottle of champagne that Unattractive Girl left after giving Man Slut the "subcutaneous blood vessel breakage" - which I just love to say!!! This allows Calleigh to look at the mortality clock he's still dragging around and say "It counts down the number of seconds left in someone's life...or their life sentence." Ooh- nice one, Calleigh!! You've been talking to H, haven't you???

The other crime I totally don't get. It's all very dark, Alias-like, with a scary guy trying to get Horatio to stop asking questions. As the little summery state, the undercover cop ended up dead. But somebody has already processed the scene. When Horatio and the gang pulled in a drug guy for quesitoning, the feds busted into the room and took him away in custody. Huh? I don't know what the hell is going on, except Horatio tells Yelena (who's accent has decreased since last week...) that it's possible Ray is still alive. Damn. Now this just complicates things, because obviously Horatio and Yelena are meant to be together!!!!! ARGH!!! They never listen!!!!!

CSI:NY- Reflections on Flack

I actually had this entire review written out and finished and then blogger.com decided to have some maintenence time. Bugger. So I lost everything. As a result, I think this might be somewhat shorter, because I also want to finish the CSI: Miami entry from a couple of weeks ago, and also do one from last night. So, with that in mind, on with the show...

This was a very complicated episode. There were two story lines, but the first one is the biggest and probably has the most repercussions for the rest of the season, so I'll start with this one. Danny and some other guy were in an apartment or something, and then Danny ended up chasing the guy to the subway before shooting and killing the guy. Except the guy that ends up dead turns out to be a cop. Oooh. Right there you know there's going to be issues.

Author's Note: I missed the first five minutes due to the fact that i was watching Alias. ABC really needs to learn to keep their shows ending on time. So I kind of just pieced together the beginning. I am sure that they were in a subway, and that the cop was dead. Anyhoodle...

So of course, the IAB (Internal Affairs Bureau) just has to get involved. And of course, the IAB guys are big and scary and clearly corrupt. And, of course, Danny has to go shooting off his mouth and tell the IAB guys everything, despite the fact that Mac so clearly and fatherly warned him to just stay quiet for awhile, because he didn't actually have to give a statement for thirty-six hours or some arbitrary rule or something.

Danny, why do you do this??? Come on, man- you've got mob ties and a shifty beard and then you go tell the IAB stuff that would just be better left unsaid. Listen to Mac!! He was a Marine, dammit, and was looking out for you, and is clearly smarter because he doesn't spend his entire work day flirting with Aiden, thank God, because that would just be weird, and was just looking out for your best interest!!! So just listen to Mac and SHUT UP already!!!! Because if you get fired, the writers are going to have to have Flack drool over Collegan Lips to give the public the romance they're all clamoring for (or they think they're clamoring for) and that would devestate me. Sheesh.

Back to our story, Danny maintains (while giving an unauthorized-by-Mac statement to the IAB...idiot) that the cop, who was undercover, never identified himself, and was standing right where the bad guy was, so he was almost justified in shooting him. Well, the CSI's go back to their handy little audio tape (because, really, every crime is caught on tape, right?), and find out that Danny isn't telling the right story. The officer did identify himself, right before Danny fired the last two fatal shots. Bummer. Of course, Danny has already opened up that big piehole of his, so the IAB has him down as a liar. Big bummer.

Yeah, this story doesn't actually get resolved, because Danny really did kill the guy, and he's going to have to live with that. It ends with a pissed-off Mac telling a dejected-looking Danny that he really shouldn't have hired him in the first place, and that he was off the promotion list, which doesn't seem quite so bad to me, unless Danny to aspires to pull down the 98k that Stella and Mac do. Which I totally would want if I had to deal with blood and gore all day. Anyway, I think this was part of their attempt to bring the stories around to more character-driven stories as oppsed to neat little crimes that are tied up in forty-six minutes.

The other crime was pretty small- a foreign, probably illegal, nanny was found dead in a bathroom in a park. (See, never use public bathrooms!!!) Stella has to work this one alone, because everybody else is combing the entire subway system trying to clear Danny while he's off giving imprudent interviews. It actually gets wrapped up pretty quickly- the nanny's other nanny friends created a little theft ring and when Dead Nanny wanted out, Indian Nanny killed her. Which is rather implausible, because Indian Nanny was like shorter than me (and that's hard to do), and weighed ninety five pounds and how she could take down a five-eight normal-sized (well, for CSI anyway- she was probably a four or something obscene like that. Hate skinny people.) woman I don't really understand. But that's not really the issue.

Continuing with the whole "CSI's are real people" theory, Stella has to take the baby that Dead Nanny was caring for and make sure she's okay. Well, this is the most adorable little baby girl you've ever seen. Even cuter than the one on CSI: Miami a couple of weeks ago. And it has loser parents who haven't shown up yet, which is pretty much par for the course as far as CSI goes- all the parents are losers.

And while Stella is examining the baby, Daniella, you can practically hear her biological clock ticking. In fact, I'm guessing that she left social services, went back to her apartment, and cried over her Lean Cuisine about how she and Mac should have several kids by now.

See? Stella and Mac have got to get together!!! Stella is clearly has maternal instincts, because she practically smuggled poor little abandoned Daniella out of social services, and Mac needs something more than a beachball to love, and WHY DON'T THSE CSI WOMEN EVER LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL THEM WHO THEY SHOULD BE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????????? Grrr. This is what the public wants, not Danny and Aiden trading cute little bondage jokes over dinner. Bruckheimer had better clear this up or I'll have to retract my offer to give him my first born. Argh.

Anyhoo, I simply must say something about Flack in this episode (hence the title). He was superb. And he tackles a guy. Like against a wall. In a hot trench coat. With that cute little Brooklyn accent. *thud* Is it hot in here??? You know, they really need to give him more airtime. Maybe with Danny "off the promotion list" or whatever, that'll happen finally!!! In fact, I think we should just have a CSI: Flack. Hmm? He could just tackle guys and interrogate rapists (like that really hot Christmas episode that I still have on tape...I'm odd...)...oooh, maybe he could be sensitive like Ryan and Stella and take care on a little abandoned baby!!! That would be sweet!!!! I'm going to go have happy fantasies in my head... ;)

New episodes of all my shows tonight, so I'll there will be a ton of stuff up today and tomorrow!!!

CSI:NY- Pretty Little Rich Girls with WAY too much time on their hands...

Okay, as my comment on the last post attests, I lost the tape for this episode because I forgot to stop the ER tape. I'm an idiot. But I did watch it, and remember almost everything, I think, so I'll do my best. This is all for you, Imladris, but you have to promise to read the Alias ones, too. I work hard on those!!! This one will be kind of shorter, though, because I don't really remember itty bitty details. But I'm trying desperately to avoid my bio project, history test, and political science paper, so you're gettinga review! (Maybe I could just turn in a compliation of my Alias reviews as my communism paper---they've pretty much got that down!)

We open in what appears to be a dorm, even though I'm not entirely sure where they'd put a dorm in New York. A pretty girl (of course she's pretty- even the doomed ones are pretty on CSI) is studying, and there is loud obnoxious music playing in the background. Pretty Girl gets pissed off that the said music is disturbing her studying, and so she starts yelling and banging on the walls. When this has ever worked in New York, I'm not sure. So the music inexplicably stops for a minute, and we hear a gunshot.

Now, this is when the real world and this other, strange, parallel universe break up. A normal person would scream, faint, and/or call 911. Not this girl- she goes to investigate where this gunshot came from, eventually finding the dead, slighly mangled body lying on the floor of one of the other apartments. And the place has been ransacked, which always signals drugs or something.

All the little CSIs rush to the scene and start processing it...and this is actually one episode where they all work on the same case. Mac says something "witty" like "Exams have never been this deadly" or something that suggests he's been on the phone to Miami quite a lot trading bon mots with Horatio. Anyhoodles, they jump inexplicably to the fact that drugs perpetrated this assault, and start looking for the roommate whose cell phone they found by the exit. Now, usually, I don't agree with or understand how the CSI's can go from one tiny piece of incriminateing evidence to arresting the right guy within ten seconds (even with their equiptment), but this time it does look like the roommate was kidnapped. I don't know a single girl who takes the time to put sequins on her pink cell phone and then drop it on the floor. They take the body out to be autopsied and start looking for the missing roommate, Jordan (who is actually a girl. Maybe that's why student housing put her with a dude.). During all this, Flack is standing in the background looking quite lovely in his trenchcoat. Mmmmm. Love me some Flack. *ahem* Moving on...

Okay, so they move the dead guy out and Mac and Stella somehow end up in an alley. I don't remember if it was ever explianed, or if they just magically decided that this alley (out of the millions in New York City) was the one where they were going to find incriminating evidence. Whatever. They're there. And they- shocker!- find the roommate's (who by now we know is named Jordan---why the hell would two filthy rich, inexplicably gorgeous people name their baby girl Jordan?????? I hate people who don't agree with me!!) purse. But wait- this isn't incriminating enough! The strap is broken!! No! That means that she must have been involved in a little scuffle! So, being the cynical folks that they are, Mac and Stella (STEWWWAAA...hehehehe) start looking around for Jordan's dead and/or mangled body. And you know she's going to be pretty. So Mac goes over to the dumpester (convenient, no?) and opens it. *scary music plays*

So I'm preparing to be confronted with the beaten-up dead body of a beautiful young woman, such as in the infamous laundrey epidsode---so nasty, but instead, a big scary black dude jumps out and attacks Mac!!! Well, clearly, he's not getting far with that. Mac was a Marine, dammit!!! So Mac goes all "The Few, the Proud, yada yada" on his ass, and Scary Black Dude (who, byt he way, is totally a different person from the Scary Black Dude referred to in every Alias episode...) ends up on the ground with Mac holding him down and Stella pointing a gun at his head. Now, if that was Flack, we would still be dreaming about it. But I'd be innocent, of course. And we'd run away together, and live happinly ever after...*ahem* Yeah, but it wasn't Flack. Moving on...

So I think they accuse Scary Black Dude of killing Jordan, or something, but we all know that because there are still twenty-five minutes left and he's clearly a convicted criminal, that that cannot be the answer!

A lot of other stuff happens that I don't really remember (I promise, next week's will be better- I'll protect the tape with my life...), but they end up finding Jordan at her parent's massive house doing "laundry". Uh-huh. Like Jordan has ever touched a washing machine in her life... When she doesn't admit to being the cause of the roommate's death, Stella goes all "I was and orphan and therefore have a ton of rage issues to work out" on her ass, and shoves an autopsy photo under poor Jordan's nose. Well, apparently this is a breach of due process, because they hadn't actually arrested Jordan for anything, and she was a teenage girl, which made her seem more vulnerable or something. Whatever. I'm younger than Jordan, and I think I could handle and autopsy photo without going crazy or something. Especially if Flack was in the room.

Anyhoodle, in the plot twist of the year (not), it turns out that Daddy has been freezing Jordan's credit accounts- forcing her to buy knockoffs of designer bags!!! *gasp* I don't know what I'd do!!!! And, in an ever bigger shocker, it turns out that Jordan was buying said rip-off bags from Scary Black Dude who may or may not have inadvertantly sold her a bag filled with heroin. I think it was heroin. Maybe it was coke. Not sure. Something dangerous and illegal, though.

Well, Jordan, who is clearly putting her incredibly expensive education to use, decides that rather than quietly take the bag back to the dealer, or just dump it, and avoid something unpleasent like being killed, she's going to go into business and sell the expenseive herion (I'm just going to call it heroin) to all of her friends. HA! Take that, Daddy! Jordan's back in business!!!

Well, as anyone who has half a brain cell can tell, this isn't going to work out so well for Jordan. And it's going to work out even worse for her poor, innocent roommate who only tried pot once (okay, can we stop applauding this? I've never tried it, and nobody gives me a medal!!!) and still ended up with his kidneys bashed in. Ouch. So Jordan goes to jail where I'm assuming her expense account will be even less than when Daddy cut her off!!! Poor baby.

So, what did we all learn from this week's episode??? Never jump Mac- no, not like that, you pervert. And don't shove a picture of a dead guy under a nineteen-year-old's nose- it caused irreperable harm. *rolls eyes* And DO NOT buy designer RIPOFFS!!! They will get you killed!!!